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Date Posted: 20:04:52 06/19/03 Thu
Author: First aired Friday 20th June 2003
Subject: Episode 8.19 - "MIRROR" by JSlayerUK (Part II)


SCENE M

FADE IN: EXT. SUNNYDALE CEMETERY – EVENING. DAWN IS SITTING CROSS-LEGGED ON A TOMB WITH A SWORD NEXT TO HER AND KENNEDY IS LEANING AGAINST A TREE SWINGING AN AXE TO AND FRO. THERE IS A FRESHLY DUG GRAVE NEAR THEM, THEY ARE WAITING IT OUT TOGETHER. DAWN IS CLEARLY FINISHING A STORY.

DAWN: So, I’m not all too scared of frogs anyway. They’re kinda cute.

KENNEDY: My girlfriend likes them for their eyes.

DAWN: Everyone has a thing... (SHE PAUSES AND LOOKS AROUND) You think he’s ever going to wake up?

KENNEDY: He has to some time right? I bet he’s staying in there on purpose.

DAWN: Anything to stay away from the chaos.

KENNEDY: Tell me about it. I think this incoming day of reckoning is making people stupider.

DAWN: What makes you say that?

KENNEDY: Please. This big fat excuse of a woman walks into the boutique today and expects me to dress her and have her walking out like Elle McPherson. I know we’re supposed to do wonders, but not miracles! I’m not a magician...

DAWN: (THINKING) You know if you were, you could do that.

KENNEDY: Do what?

DAWN: Perform a spell on the clothes so that they make you look good.

KENNEDY: You can do that?!

DAWN: Maybe. If I wanted to.

THE FRESH GRAVE STARTS TO STIR, AND A HAND APPEARS.

KENNEDY: Whoa! Mister Bloodsucker is waking up.

BY THIS TIME HIS HEAD HAS APPEARED. DAWN SWINGS HER SWORD CLEANLY THROUGH THE NECK BEFORE THE VAMPIRE IS FULLY OUT OF THE GRAVE.

KENNEDY (CONT): Well. That was... unsatisfying.

DAWN: Beats a bowl of wasps any day.

KENNEDY: Bowl of wasps?

DAWN: Anya not got to you yet?

KENNEDY: Nah. But I want to get some fighting in.

DAWN’S FACE TURNS PALE.

KENNEDY (CONT): Let off some steam. God knows I’ve seen too much of it with the amount of coffee I made today.

DAWN: Kennedy...

KENNEDY: What?

WE FINALLY SCAN ROUND AND SEE A HUGE DEMON BEHIND KENNEDY.

DAWN: I think you can do some of that fighting now.

CAMERA ANGLE ON KENNEDY’S TERRIFIED FACE.

BLACKOUT.

SCENE N

FADE IN: EXT. SUNNYDALE CEMETERY – SAME TIME.

A FIGHT ENSUES. KENNEDY AND DAWN ARE ONLY TRYING TO MAKE PHYSICAL BLOWS BUT ARE GETTING NOWHERE.

KENNEDY: Dawn! Magic?

DAWN: (DUCKING TALONS) I can’t get away to do anything!

THEY CONTINUE TO FIGHT, AND THE DEMON HAS THE UPPERHAND. THE DEMON SLASHES DAWN ACROSS THE CHEST, KNOCKING HER TO THE GROUND WITH A SLIGHT WOUND. KENNEDY FINALLY ROLLS IT OFF ONTO THE GROUND AND IT IS STUNNED FOR A SHORT WHILE.

KENNEDY: (INTENSE) Run.

DAWN IS LEANING ON KENNEDY AND THEY TAKE OFF AS FAST AS POSSIBLE.

SCENE O

CUT TO: INT. SUMMERS’ LIVING ROOM - LATER. WE USE A SERIES OF CLEAN FAST CUTS BETWEEN THE TWO CLOSE UPS WHEN EACH PERSON SPEAKS. DAWN AND KENNEDY ARE BOTH SPEAKING FAST.

DAWN: Huge. Way huge.

KENNEDY: Big eyes. Kinda black.

DAWN: Like a tree huge. I’m talking big here.

KENNEDY: Like big swirling vortexes. Majorly scary.

DAWN: Sorta golden and brown? Mustard-y!

KENNEDY: Sharp claws. Not afraid to use them.

DAWN: Spine things down the back. Like a stegosaurus.

KENNEDY: Weird-ass symbol on what I think was its head.

DAWN: Scaly.

KENNEDY: Ugly.

DAWN AND KENNEDY: TOTALLY funky smell!

CAMERA PULLS BACK. DAWN AND KENNEDY HAVE BEEN TALKING TO GILES AND WILLOW WHO WE FINALLY SEE.

WILLOW: (BEAT) So I take it you saw a demon then?

DAWN: It seemed angry that we were there. Like it was trying to get into the crypt and we were in the way.

GILES: In the way of the crypt?

WILLOW: You went to a graveyard during an apocalypse? You could have been seriously hurt!

KENNEDY: I’m fine.

WILLOW: It was still dangerous sweetie.

DAWN: Most demons usually take off during an apocalypse, unless they have something to do with it.

GILES: Surely therefore this demon might have something to do with the apocalypse. Or at least one of them.

WILLOW: But Giles, we’ve been reading so many texts and nothing has come up about a big ugly funky-smelling demon.

ENTER ANDREW, COMPLETE WITH A BOWL OF CHEESITS.

ANDREW: What’s all this about a demon?

GILES: Dawn and Kennedy ran into a demon earlier.

KENNEDY: Whoa, ran? We didn’t run into it! It came across us.

WILLOW: Yeah, because you were in its space.

KENNEDY: No we weren’t.

WILLOW: You said before, it was trying to get into the crypt and you were there. Maybe it lived there and didn’t like humans on its front porch.

DAWN OFFERS A PAD TO ANDREW.

DAWN: Here Andrew. I was trying to make a sketch of it.

ANDREW: Huh. Looks like a Kogler (PRONOUNCED COG-LER). Or well it would do, if it had talons and more spiky things on its back.

KENNEDY: (BEAT) It was a Kogler.

GILES: Andrew. You have experience of this demon?

ANDREW: No experience myself. But I’ve heard of it. Thought you would have too, from your English thug days. You know, summoner to summoner?

GILES IS ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING HARSH, WILLOW CUTS HIM OFF.

WILLOW: So, you’re saying this demon can be summoned?

ANDREW: Yeah. It’s big city.

DAWN: It strayed from a big city?

ANDREW: No. I mean it’s huge, in the demon world. Kinda mystic lore. Nobody summons it, but everyone threatens to. See, a Kogler only shows its face if... oh.

DAWN READS THE FEAR ON ANDREW’S FACE.

DAWN: Oh what?

ANDREW LOOKS AT THE PAD SILENTLY.

DAWN: Andrew! What do you know? Why is it here?

ANDREW: (AFTER SOME TIME) A Kogler will only surface to... end the world.

WILLOW’S NOT SCARED ANYMORE. SHE’S PISSED OFF. CLOSE UP ON WILLOW’S ANNOYED FACE.

BLACKOUT.

SCENE P

FADE IN: INT. SUMMERS’ LIVING ROOM – NIGHT. DAWN AND KENNEDY ARE SITTING WITH ANDREW AND GILES, MAKING BETTER SKETCHES AND RESEARCHING THE KOGLER. WILLOW IS HALF PACING, HALF THINKING.

DAWN: So it’ll need its own space to perform the ritual?

ANDREW: Yeah.

GILES: I assume that was what the crypt was for then.

KENNEDY: So to defeat it, we need to destroy the crypt?

GILES: I think it’s a little bigger than that.

ANDREW: We definitely need to kill it... but I think we shouldn’t destroy the crypt.

KENNEDY: (ANGRY) Do you have a better idea?

ANDREW: Yes! I think we should...

KENNEDY: Spit it out.

ANDREW: We should hide out in the crypt before the ritual and then we should kill the Kogler.

KENNEDY: How?

ANDREW: That is still to be decided.

KENNEDY: (PRACTICALLY SHOUTING) It’s a stupid idea! And it makes no sense.

ANDREW HALF GROWS A BACKBONE AND ARGUES BACK WITH KENNEDY, DRAWING WILLOW’S ATTENTION.

ANDREW: Not yet Kennedy, but it still needs some work! I get that! That’s what the next two days are for!

WILLOW: Guys! I think now is one of the worst times to get into an argument okay? Let’s just stick together and sort out what we have to do.

EVERYBODY SITS DOWN, ALL KIND OF DISGRUNTLED.

WILLOW (CONT): Don’t look so down! So what if we don’t have any Slayers. Buffy wouldn’t have left if she didn’t think we could handle whatever came up. We can’t fall apart now just because it’s the Apocalypse Cubed! Underneath it all, we’re all still friends, so let’s just get to work and figure out the best way to stop the world ending. I know that it seems bad guys, but we’ve face apocalypses before.

ANYA FOLDS HER ARMS AND SCOWLS AT WILLOW.

ANYA: Hey, some of us have even been the cause of them.

XANDER: Anya!

ANYA: What? It’s true! Just because the giant snake woman isn’t trying to end the world, or at least not yet anyway, doesn’t mean we forget that it’s all Willow’s fault.

WILLOW: Look Anya...

ANYA: No you look! Don’t try to shut me up just because I’m being honest you know. Maybe if you had been chased down for hours last week you’d see it the same way. As far as I’m concerned this mess is probably just your comeuppance.

KENNEDY: (STANDING UP) Back off! Willow’s had her comeuppance.

ANYA: Yeah, that sword in Willow’s chest is totally obvious.

KENNEDY: Just shut up! You don’t know anything so don’t you snap at her.

WILLOW: (SOFTLY) Kennedy, you don’t have to defend me.

KENNEDY: Yes I do!

THIS INCOMING APOCALYPSE IS CLEARLY PULLING THE GANG APART.

KENNEDY (CONT): I’ve heard about what you’ve done Anya, so don’t bother being all high and mighty now. Willow’s sorry. Now can we move on?

ANYA: (QUIETLY) Is she?

WILLOW: What do you mean am I? Of course I’m sorry.

ANYA: Sorry for what? Do you know how much I’ve lost thanks to you? You’re not really sorry. You haven’t once said that you were sorry for what you did to me.

WILLOW: Anya, I can’t believe that. No, I really am sorry for what happened to you. I wish I could take it back but I can’t.

ANYA: It’s not just me, Willow. You’ve got some serious ramifications to deal with. The fates are sending you a sign having to deal with all this you know.

CAMERA ANGLE ON WILLOW’S DESPONDENT FACE.

ANYA (CONT): You know what else? I haven’t even heard you once say sorry to Andrew for trying to kill him! I guess you’re only sorry when you want something.

XANDER: Anya, maybe you should calm down.

ANYA LOOKS AT XANDER FOR A MOMENT, UPSET THAT HE’S NOT SEEING HER SIDE, AND ANYA WALKS OUT. XANDER QUICKLY FOLLOWS.

SCENE Q

CUT TO: INT. SUMMERS’ KITCHEN – SAME TIME. XANDER HAS FOLLOWED ANYA INTO THE KITCHEN, WHERE SHE STANDS WITH HER BACK TO HIM.

XANDER: Anya! What was that about? I can see you’re angry but this isn’t the time. You can take it out on Willow later. After this is all over.

ANYA FINALLY TURNS AROUND. CAMERA ANGLE ON HER FACE. THERE’S A SINGLE TEAR ROLLING DOWN HER CHEEK.

ANYA: That’s just it. Who says I’m going to be here when it’s all over?

XANDER: Ahn...

ANYA: No Xander... I’m sick and tired of things coming to kill me. There is always something new that wants me dead and I can’t take it anymore! I’ve been here for so long and I’ve had more threats on my life in two years than I have in two decades. And now there’s another apocalypse we have to fight... No wait! Actually it’s two that we’re dealing with. Oh terribly sorry! That was a typo, you’ve got three heading your way.

ANYA FINALLY BREAKS DOWN INTO TEARS.

ANYA (CONT): And they’re all happening at the same time, and we have to stop them and... Xander, I’m going to die.

XANDER: Don’t be stupid. You’re not going to die.

XANDER TAKES THE CRYING ANYA INTO HIS ARMS, AND ANYA SOBS INTO HIS CHEST.

ANYA: Of course I am, and I’m scared. I’m scared and I don’t want to die!

XANDER: Anya, you made it this far. I promise you won’t die. I won’t let you okay? You still owe me for the gas I spent driving you around last week.

ANYA FINALLY LOOKS UP AND SMILES.

XANDER (CONT): Tell you what, if you do die, I’ll die too. That way you’ve at least got someone to walk with on the way to Heaven all right?

ANYA: (WIPING HER FACE) Thanks.

XANDER: Don’t mention it.

(SFX: DOOR OPENING & KEYS ETC)

BUFFY (OFF SCREEN): Hey! We’re back!

SCENE R

CUT TO: INT. SUMMERS’ LOBBY/LIVING ROOM – SAME TIME.

AD-LIB GREETINGS.

DAWN: You guys okay?

SPIKE: Yeah, we’re fine Bit.

DAWN: No, I mean did everything go all right? You know, with Angel.

THE THREE SORT OF WINCE AND SQUIRM ON THE SPOT.

FAITH: You know what? I’m gonna go hit the shower.

SPIKE: I’ll be in the kitchen.

FAITH AND SPIKE QUICKLY LEAVE AND THE GANG LOOK AT BUFFY, CLEARLY ASKING FOR AN EXPLANATION FOR THE WEIRDNESS.

BUFFY: (PAUSES) It’s complicated.

DAWN: Tell us anyway.

BUFFY: Can’t. It’s kind of a long story. Takes about forty-five minutes, give or take, to really explain properly...

ANYA: Sounds like fun...

BUFFY: (MUTTERS) You have no idea...

WILLOW: Buffy, Faith said you’d be back ages ago!

BUFFY: I know, but we ran into some trouble on our way into town.

KENNEDY: Was it big and musturdy?

BUFFY: (CONFUSED) No.

ANYA: Was it upside down and waspy?

BUFFY: No.

DAWN: Was it bleeding and froggy?

BUFFY: No!

ANDREW: (SCOFFS) You don’t know trouble...

BUFFY: (LOOKS AT ANDREW FOR A MOMENT, THEN IGNORES HIM) There was a loop.

XANDER: Oooh, were there mummy hands?

BUFFY: Mummy hand free.

ANDREW: We never did apologise for that did we?

BUFFY: (LOUD) That was you?!

ANDREW TRIES TO HIDE BEHIND HIS BOWL OF CHEESITS.

WILLOW: Anyway... You were saying about trouble?

BUFFY: Yeah, I have some bad news.

WILLOW: Good. (OFF BUFFY’S LOOK) I mean bad. It’s just, we have bad news too.

BUFFY: Don’t worry, it can’t be as bad as what I’ve got to tell you.

DAWN: Wanna bet?

BUFFY AND WILLOW: It’s the apocalypse on Wednesday!

BOTH ARE TAKEN ABACK.

BUFFY AND WILLOW (CONT): (SURPRISED) You already know?!

WILLOW: Of course I know. How did you find out?

BUFFY: We found out in LA.

GILES: The effects stretch that far?

BUFFY: No, Angel has sources. He told us how to stop it.

WILLOW: Oh thank God! We were going crazy trying to sort it out.

KENNEDY: What did he tell you about the Kogler?

BUFFY: Huh-ler?

ANYA: We attack it with gangsta rap?

XANDER: You know it’s amazing what a little Snoop Doggy Dogg will do...

WILLOW: What did he know about the Bronze?

BUFFY: What about the Bronze?

DAWN: Snoop Doggy Dogg is performing at the Bronze?

ANDREW: Maybe that’s the reason for the apocalypse...

DAWN: Maybe that IS the apocalypse.

ANYA: He’s survivable. I watch BET.

WILLOW: Location wise. You know, how to stop what’s going down...

BUFFY: We take off for the caves out near the forest. Demons will start collecting soon, should be party central there.

GILES: I hardly think now’s the time to do general patrol when there are clearly bigger things at stake.

BUFFY: What? There are bigger things at stake. Hello? Apocalypse?

KENNEDY: Well duh! We’ve read the prophecies a billion times and been attacked by Mr Tall And Ugly...

BUFFY: Prophecies?

KENNEDY: Of course.

BUFFY: But that’s not possible.

WILLOW: Sure it is.

BUFFY: No, I mean it’s not possible. Angel has the only surviving copy in his archives back in LA...

ANYA: And we kept our one in the shop?! Must be valuable...

GILES: No Anya, there are hundreds of copies of the Haung volumes. I alone have two.

BUFFY: Wait, Haung? This apocalypse is prophesised in the Ehre-something chronicles.

GILES: The Ehrevb Chronicles? And Angel has a copy? I must pay a visit...

WILLOW: Ehrevb? But that means... Buffy, this is strange.

BUFFY: Why?

WILLOW: Monks comprised The Haung volumes in the 17th century. But, the Ehrevb Chronicles are Hebrew and much older, hence the only one copy left thing.

BUFFY: What are you saying Will?

WILLOW: We’re not talking about the same apocalypse.

BUFFY: There’s more than one?

XANDER: Buffy? You can miss A LOT in one week...

BUFFY LOOKS CONFUSED AND WORRIED.

FADE TO BLACK

END OF ACT TWO

ACT THREE

SCENE S

FADE IN: INT. SUMMERS’ LIVING ROOM – NEXT MORNING. A SNARE DRUM IS PLAYING AS BUFFY “ADDRESSES THE TROOPS”. EVERYONE IS AROUND, AND BUFFY IS PACING ABOUT HAVING RECLAIMED HER POSITION FROM WILLOW AS THE ONE IN CHARGE.

BUFFY: All right guys. This is important so everyone better listen up.

XANDER: Speaking of everyone, how come Spike gets off attending this meeting?

BUFFY: He’s asleep.

XANDER: Sleeping off a hangover? It’s not fair. I’m tired too.

WILLOW: Xander... Night crawling bloodsucker remember? Sleeps during the day?

XANDER: Right. Of course. (MUTTERS) Being human is no fun...

BUFFY: Anyway! We’ve got trouble. Again. And again, and again. All scheduled to take off on Wednesday.

WILLOW: Yeah, and we’ve got four bad Kennedys we can’t deal with.

KENNEDY: Hey!

WILLOW: I meant that in Cape way. Would you prefer Canaveral?

KENNEDY: Much.

BUFFY: So basically, we need to get organised. Anyone have any ideas?

ANDREW: I do!

ANDREW REACHES BEHIND HIM. SURE ENOUGH, IT’S THE BIG BOARD V2.0. IT HAS “BIG BOARD V2.0” WRITTEN ACROSS THE TOP EVEN...

BUFFY: Oh God.

ANDREW: Hear me out. I have indicated where our four hotspots are: the underground caves by the forest, the Bronze, the crypt and the Hellmouth. As you can see from my chart over here...

ANDREW GOES TO PULL OUT ANOTHER BOARD.

FAITH: And it gets worse...

ANDREW: I have colour coded them so that you can see things easily. We have the blue...

ANYA: Purple!

ANDREW: BLUE here that corresponds with the Hellmouth. I like to call this Apocalypse C.

XANDER: Now that’s hardly an interesting name for an apocalypse. How about... erm...

ANDREW: Not so easy to name an apocalypse is it?

GILES: I suggest you just go with Haung apocalypse.

BUFFY: That’s good Andrew!

ANDREW: Thanks Buffy! I try to be useful.

BUFFY: So what else do we know about Apocalypse D?

FAITH: We’re not on D B.

BUFFY: What?!

FAITH: Forget it...

DAWN: Well the Haung prophecies cover everything. Demon, rising through the Hellmouth Wednesday night, killed by decapitation.

BUFFY: But the Hellmouth’s gone.

GILES: Yes, it’s gone, but the prophecy uses it as the location. This demon isn’t planning on drawing power from the Hellmouth, it’s just going to exit via there.

BUFFY: Well that’s a good.

ANDREW: To continue! We know that the Kogler is going to start a ritual to end the world from a crypt near Sunset at sunset. I call this Apocalypse D, for Demon Summoned.

BUFFY: How do we get rid of that one?

ANDREW: Dawn?

DAWN: Not certain yet. But we’re close to a break through on that.

BUFFY: This is great!

FAITH: Yo, I’m not sure dealing with four apocalypses is great. Fun, yeah. Dangerous, hell yeah. But we’ve got huge risks and we’re just playing the odds if we’re to survive right?

WILLOW: You’re right.

FAITH: Whoa. Is Little Miss Rosenberg agreeing with me?

WILLOW: Yeah. Don’t get used to it.

THE FOLLOWING HAPPENS AT A VERY QUICK PACE. EVERYONE’S CONFUSED.

XANDER: We go down to the Hellmouth and decapitate this thing.

DAWN: No, it’ll be at that crypt remember?

ANYA: I thought we said it’d be at the Bronze?

DAWN: That’s Apocalypse B.

ANYA: I thought that was Apocalypse C.

ANDREW: Apocalypse B is the Bronze Apocalypse. The chart is alphabetical.

XANDER: Oh.

ANDREW: There’s no Apocalypse O.

ANYA: Then why is Apocalypse C not Apocalypse A?

ANDREW: Because Apocalypse A is happening down the caves.

XANDER: A being?

ANDREW: Angel Apocalypse.

DAWN: There’s an angel coming?

FAITH: Nah, he told us to handle this ourselves.

DAWN, XANDER, ANDREW AND ANYA: WHAT?

GILES: For God’s sake... One apocalypse at a time!

EVERYONE HUSHES UP AND LISTENS TO GILES. HE SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY ONE WITH A LEVEL HEAD.

GILES (CONT): Now, as much as it pains me to say this, I think Andrew’s Big Board...

ANDREW: Big Board version 2.0!

GILES: Big Board version 2.0... (SIGH) has the simplest method to understand. Wednesday is our Judgement Day and we have four menaces to fight. We need to come up with a plan that’s efficient and simple. Now is hardly the time to get ourselves confused.

BUFFY: Giles is right.

THE SNARE DRUM ON THE SOUNDTRACK PICKS UP PACE AND GETS LOUDER.

BUFFY (CONT): Things are about to get heavy guys. We have to be ready. Today’s a full out research day for EVERYBODY. No school, no jobs, no opening of the Magic Box, nothing. Phone in sick, fake your deaths, I don’t care. We have two days left, and by tonight we’re going to be ready. Because each and everyone us will be needed to pull this off. And if just one of us slips up? We’re going to hell.

BLACKOUT.

SCENE T

FADE IN: INT. ANCIENT CORRIDOR – LATER. RAVEN AND AMY ARE WALKING DOWN A CORRIDOR. SNAKE-LIKE PATTERNS DECORATE THE SURROUNDING WALLS. A SLIGHT GREEN GLOW EMANATES FROM PLACES ON THE WALL.

RAVEN: Why do these demonic temples always consist of rows and rows of corridors? Do they have nothing better to do with their human slaves than build corridors? Such a waste of fresh blood...

AMY: Stop whining.

RAVEN: I’m not whi...

AMY: Yes you are. It’s what Slayers do. Just ask Buffy.

RAVEN: Look, are we anywhere nearer the “inner sanctums”? And Proserpexa really needs a better name for that, it sounds like something you’d hear on a Playboy Special...

AMY: We’re almost there. We just have to get past the guards -

RAVEN: I think I can handle a couple of wannabe-Satanists...

AMY: - guards who happen to be imbued with Proserpexa’s power, just like those watches.

RAVEN: Oh. Well, you’re good at magicks...

AMY: You’ve changed your tune….

RAVEN HOLDS HER HAND UP, MOTIONING AMY TO STOP.

RAVEN: Did you hear that?

AMY: The sound of your ego deflating?

RAVEN: Shhh... People coming. Two of yours.

AMY: Two of mine... huh?

RAVEN: Followers. Hold this a sec...

RAVEN HANDS AMY THE BOOK. SHE CHARGES AROUND THE CORNER. AMY CAN HEAR SOUNDS OF FIGHTING, THEN A SNAP, FOLLOWED BY THE SOUND OF FLESH RIPPING. RAVEN COMES BACK AROUND.

RAVEN: Ok, it’s safe now...

AMY LOOKS DOWN. ONE OF THE BODIES HAS A SNAPPED NECK, THE OTHER HAS NO HEAD. IT HAS ROLLED DOWN THE CORRIDOR.

AMY: Eww. Why’d you do that? A simple knocking-out would’ve done...

RAVEN: You said all Proserpexa’s followers got those funky watches?

AMY: Yeh.

RAVEN: Well then...

RAVEN REACHES DOWN, AND PICKS THE TWO WATCHES OFF THE WRISTS OF THE FOLLOWERS. SHE HANDS ONE TO AMY.

RAVEN: Put this on.

AMY: Why?

RAVEN: My guess is the reason you haven’t spoken since we left the house is the same reason I haven’t.

AMY: Which is?

RAVEN: You wanna use the mirror for your own gain.

AMY: What of it?

RAVEN: If you’re going to do that, you’ll need protection from its effects. So will I.

AMY: Because, lemme guess, you wanna use the mirror too?

RAVEN: Right on. Way I see it, we can help each other – use it...

AMY: Then lose it. (PAUSE) I like it.

RAVEN: Thought you might. Now let’s get going.

AMY AND RAVEN BEGIN TO CONTINUE WALKING. RAVEN PAUSES AND STOOPS DOWN TO PICK UP THE HEAD. SHE STARTS TO DRINK THE BLOOD DRIPPING FROM THE NECK. AMY LOOKS ON WITH DISGUST.

AMY: Is it just me or is losing your table manners an automatic thing when you become a vampire?

SCENE U

CUT TO: INT. SUMMERS’ KITCHEN – DUSK. SPIKE IS CAREFULLY EATING SPAGHETTI WITH A FORK AND SPOON. WE PULL OUT AND SEE THAT BUFFY IS ALSO EATING OFF THE LARGE PLATE FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ISLAND.

BUFFY: Where on earth did you learn to cook like this?

SPIKE: You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. (WATCHING BUFFY) Eat that any faster and the indigestion’s going to kill you before the apocalypse does.

BUFFY: Oooh! Apocalypse. Damn. Slipped my mind.

SPIKE: All four?!

BUFFY: Pasta break over. Must go save the world!

BUFFY LEAVES FOR THE LIVING ROOM. A SECOND PASSES. BUFFY COMES RUNNING BACK AND TAKES ANOTHER MOUTHFUL.

BUFFY (CONT): (WITH A MOUTH FULL OF FOOD) Okay, now pasta break over.

BUFFY TRIES TO LEAVE AGAIN, BUT LOOKS BACK AT THE PLATE.

SPIKE: Sooner or later someone’s going to take advantage of that lack of self-control, love.

WITH A STERN RESOLVE TO RESIST THE LURE OF PASTA, BUFFY FINALLY LEAVES.

SPIKE HAS ANOTHER TASTE AND CONTEMPLATES.

SPIKE: (BEAT) I’ve made better.

DAWN AND WILLOW RUSH IN, AND THEY GAIN A QUIZZICAL LOOK FROM SPIKE.

DAWN: We heard there was pasta.

SPIKE: (GESTURING TO THE PLATE) There’s enough for everyone.

DAWN WASTES NO TIME AND COMMENCES SHOVELLING.

DAWN: Wow!

WILLOW USES ANOTHER FORK AND TAKES A MOUTHFUL.

WILLOW: Wow!

DAWN: Did I not just cover that part?

WILLOW: Yeah, I know. It’s just... wow.

DAWN: I could eat a fridge full of this and not even blink.

SPIKE: You’re a growing girl. I believe eating non-stop is in the job description.

WILLOW: So... Spike...

SPIKE: Yeeeeah? What do you want Red?

WILLOW TAKES THE FORK AND PICKS UP THE PLATE, FIDDLING WITH THEM AS SHE BABBLES.

WILLOW: (BABBLING) I was just wondering about stuff. Say! You know you, Buffy and Faith? Just talking, you know, friend to friend... what happened with the old sire of yours that would get you guys all riled up like this?

AS WILLOW FINALLY FILLS HER FORK, SPIKE’S EXPRESSION TURNS SOUR. HE SIMPLY GRABS THE PLATE OUT OF WILLOW’S HANDS AND THE FORK BEFORE SHE CAN PUT IT IN HER MOUTH. SPIKE STORMS OFF.

WILLOW (CONT): Darn it! Now we’re never going to find out what happened.

DAWN: (ANGRY) Who cares what happened?! You made me lose good pasta!

SCENE V

CUT TO: INT. SUMMERS’ LIVING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER. THE PASTA HAS SINCE REACHED XANDER AND ANDREW.

FAITH: Okay, this is going to get real confusing, real fast.

BUFFY: No it’s not. It’s simple.

FAITH: Simple in a really confusing sense, yeah!

GILES: Actually, it is simple.

FAITH: I guess...

BUFFY: What, do I have to wear glasses to be taken seriously or something?

ANYA: It would help.

BUFFY GLARES AT ANYA, NOT THAT IT SHUTS HER UP OF COURSE. WILLOW AND DAWN ENTER, HAVING GOT TO GRIPS WITH A LACK OF PASTA.

WILLOW: What’s new?

ANYA: Buffy’s considering glasses.

BUFFY: I’m not considering glasses.

DAWN: Any idea on how we tackle this?

BUFFY: Sorta. See, we’re not getting anywhere with this huge jumble of information.

SPIKE: We gotta streamline.

KENNEDY: Streamline?

BUFFY: We split into four groups. Each group handles an apocalypse.

FAITH: See it makes so much more sense when you say it that way.

WILLOW: That sounds like a plan. I like it.

DAWN: How are we going to split up? And when we do, what then? We wear cute little colour-coded outfits to show which apocalypse we’re working on?

ANYA: Do I have to be on the Hellmouth team? Cause I’m not wearing that purpley excuse for blue.

ANDREW: Would you forget about the blue already?!

XANDER: Have to agree with Andrew on this one. It’s blue.

ANYA: Xander!

XANDER: Oh, cheer up. Try the pasta! It’s better than sex.

ANYA: Xander!!!

XANDER: Not better than sex with you of course.

FAITH: Xander!!!!!

XANDER: I have slept with too many people in this room.

BUFFY: Guys? We can deal with the orgasmic spaghetti later. For now we have Doomsday to worry about.

KENNEDY: So we split into teams right?

ANDREW: Oooh! I like teams. Can we name them?

BUFFY: Whatever. Firstly, we have the Ehrevb info. It’s pretty specific, and we were told exactly what needs doing when we were in LA. To save time, Spike and I are on it.

FAITH: Cool by me. Sounded boring enough when Wes went over it...

ANDREW: There’s the Kogler demon, Apocalypse D.

BUFFY: Since you know most about it, you and Xander can handle that one.

XANDER: Oh, come on!

ANDREW: Oooh yeah! Team Delta Rho Kappa on the Kogler case!

BUFFY: Since we don’t know too much about this apocalypse going down at the Bronze, Willow?

WILLOW: Yeah?

BUFFY: You should be at that one. If something bad comes up, you’re our strongest player and you can fight it.

WILLOW: Thanks for the pressure.

KENNEDY: What if it’s something that can’t be affected by magic?

WILLOW: Oh great, more pressure...

BUFFY: Kennedy, you go with her and back her up. I trust your fighting skills on this.

KENNEDY: Happy to be of service.

BUFFY: Dawn, you can join Anya and Faith.

DAWN: Ohh... I want to be on Team Delta Rho Kappa!

BUFFY: Dawn, it’s not a sorority!

DAWN POUTS.

BUFFY (CONT): Fine. Andrew, Dawn? You two are on the Kogler’s apocalypse. Xander, you can join Anya and Faith.

WILLOW: Whoa! Are you sure about that? I mean, no offence, but the two youngest here handling an apocalypse alone? You sure they’re ready?

DAWN: Hey! We are so ready!

ANDREW: Damn straight!

BUFFY: I trust them Willow. Besides, it’s only a small time apocalypse. Child’s play.

ANDREW LEAVES.

XANDER: You’ve really faced too many of these haven’t you?

BUFFY: Really have.

GILES: Buffy?

BUFFY: Yeah, I don’t know where’s best for you. You can decide where you’ll be of most help. You’re wise, it’s your choice.

WILLOW: Can you join me and Kennedy? If something unknown comes at the Bronze, you’d be the first one to figure it out!

KENNEDY: Is that fear?

WILLOW: No, it’s its close friend Panic with his sisters Dread and Terror.

GILES: I’m going to have to agree with Willow. She’ll need help if this is bigger than we thought. (OFF WILLOW’S LOOK) Not that you can’t handle anything.

BUFFY: You do that then.

ANDREW RE-ENTERS AND HEADS STRAIGHT FOR DAWN. BY THIS POINT, EVERYONE ELSE IS SPEAKING AND WE CAN’T HEAR THEIR CONVERSATIONS.

ANDREW: Dawn!

DAWN: Hey Andrew.

ANDREW: Delta Rho Kappas get pizza.

DAWN: Cool!

ANDREW: I ordered our pizza from this new menu I found. They have so many different toppings available.

DAWN: Show me.

ANDREW: Well I didn’t order them, but there was pepperoni, and stuffed crust...

DAWN: (BEAT) Show me the menu.

ANDREW: Oh right...

CAMERA PULLS OUT FROM DAWN AND ANDREW CONVERSATION.

BUFFY: So does everyone know what we’re doing?

AD-LIB AGREEMENTS.

BUFFY: Good.

GILES: We were joking about the colour coded outfits weren’t we? I prefer to avoid green myself, makes me look like an overgrown leprechaun.

WILLOW: Aww... then we could rub your head for luck, and chase you around looking for your pot of gold!

KENNEDY: Hey, we could be Team Leprechaun!

GILES: I was fairly sure the word “avoid” was in that sentence...

ANYA: It would make sense if you had a pot of gold. You’ve always had an abundance of money...

GILES: Yes well ignoring this, we have an apocalypse to get on with.

BUFFY: Right. Hop to it everyone. We’ve got a world to save. Four times.

BLACKOUT.

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