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Date Posted: 11:23:07 03/23/03 Sun
Author: The Gutter - Interviewing "Blitzkrieg" Brian Von Braun
Subject: Welcome To The Pit, Special Edition

DISCLAIMER

The views expressed by the Gutter in no way represent the views of the Robo Wrestling Federation, its employees or any of its subsidiaries.


"The hottest interview show in the wrestling world is back! WELCOME TO THE PIT!"

"The Alcoholic" by Superjoint Ritual is the new show opener as the title appears on the screen and we have a two shot of Gutter and Brian sitting at the bar. Gutter has an empty pitcher and several empty shot glasses in front of him, and Brian is grinning from ear to ear and wearing a stylish leather jacket that is getting a lot of stares from the patrons in the bar.

Gutter: Welcome, RWF fans, to another edition of the Pit. I know it's been eons since you've seen us, but if you know anything about yours truly, you'd know that I'm one sporadic son of a bitch anyway. I've come out of my drug induced coma long enough to introduce this man to my left, the RWF's newest rookie sensation, "Blitzkrieg" Brian Von Braun!

The crowd in attendence applauds for Brian, and he humbly nods his head and waves to them.

Brian, you've never wrestled for a large promotion before, and now you're getting your shot in the big leagues, the RWF. Tell us, are you nervous?

Well yeah, of course I'm nervous. I'm nervous just sitting here talking with you. This is all so new to me.

You could probably use a drink then. What'll it be?

I'll have an orange juice please.

The activity in the bar comes to a complete halt and a wave of silence rushes over everyone as they turn to look at Brian.

You mean a screwdriver?

Oh no... Just an orange juice. I don't drink alcohol.

You're in the RWF and you DON'T DRINK!!! Jeez, you are a greenhorn. Why don't you drink?

Alcohol has been proven to lower your level of testosterone, making workouts less...

in a mocking tone "lower level of testosterone," blah blah blah... Frank, get this "kid" an orange juice will ya?

Also, I'm not old enough to drink anyway. I'm only 18.

No shit?

Can you say that on TV?

Kid, this is the RW FUCKIN F!!! You can say whatever you goddamn well please. Go ahead, knock yourself out.

Nah... I try not to curse.

What are you? Some kind of Jesus crispie?

Jesus crispie? If you mean do I go to church, then I guess. I go to church every Sunday, but I'm no bible basher.

All right, well at least you seem like you're down to earth. I can respect the straight edge thing. Despite all of that, you're just one likeable guy. HEY EVERYBODY! Isn't this guy just the most likeable guy you've ever met?

"YEAH!!!!" Brian flashes a sheepish grin.

It's true! Before the show, Brian was walking around and meeting everyone in the bar.

Well Gutter, outside of the ring, I'm just a normal guy like everyone else. Even if I were the World Champion, I'd still take the time out to meet everyone. After all, I'm only human.

There's another human being, Brian, that you will meet this Tuesday at Hangover, and his name is Ken Wild. His a big, tough guy, and definitely a huge challenge for your first match-up. How do you feel about having to wrestle Ken Wild in your first match, and the fact that it is for the newly reinstated Traditional Title?

I'm honored that I get to wrestle for the Traditional Title. I remember the greatest Traditional Champ ever, Xavier "X" Channel.

A good friend of mine...

I hope that I can bring that kind of excellence to this underappreciated title. I may not have wrestled in the big promotions, but I've had plenty of training and I've studied wrestling techniques from all over the world. And the skills I've learned from those years are what's going to help me beat Ken Wild at Hangover. I know he's a tough guy, but I have to keep a positive mindset about this match.

Well it's nice to know there's no animosity there.

It's hard to have animosity when you don't know anyone.

What are the future plans for "Blitzkrieg" Brian Von Braun? Where do you plan to go from here?

Isn't that easy? I want to be the RWF World Champion. Isn't that everyone's goal?

Wasn't really mine until the end there. Phew, Pure Venom was such a bad idea... What was I thinking?

I liked Pure Venom.

You did?

Sure. You guys were awesome.

Thanks kid. Well, the producer is saying that we're out of time. Good luck against Ken Wild on Tuesday Brian. That's it for this week folks. Remember, drink lots, drink often, good night...

FADE OUT

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