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Date Posted: 14:05:41 02/01/02 Fri
Author: Tristan
Subject: I didn't insist anything!
In reply to: Tia 's message, "Well, since you insist" on 10:15:58 02/01/02 Fri

“But how do you know if you’re really in love? I mean, what’s it supposed to feel like?”

Wow. Good question. No wait, that was two questions. Tristan narrowed his eyes and was about to ask Tia why she was trying to confuse him like that, but then he supposed it wasn’t really her fault. Probably wasn’t her fault that her face kept splitting in half and fusing together again, either, so he decided to let it drop.

Before he could begin seriously pondering his answer (answers?), though, she charged on ahead, going on some more about that Rowan guy. He made a slight noise of disgust, sighing when he saw her lowering her eyes, as if she had a crush on him, and speaking about him like that made her embarrassed. Ah, hello, idiot, that’s what she’s been trying to tell you!

Tristan shook his head quickly, trying to dislodge the voice in his head. He jerked slightly when Tia suddenly stood up and stretched, looking a tad bit anxious about something. Here’s an idea: how about the fact that she’s talking about giving it up for the first time? Yeah, that was a good one. Probably it, too. Tristan studied her confused face, the way her little mouth was turned down into a frown, and the way her eyes kept shifting everywhere.

He didn’t understand what there was to be confused about, really. Sure, he was nervous his first time, but he sure didn’t remember wandering around like an idiot bemoaning his virginity. Of course…that wasn’t really what she was talking about here. What seemed to be bothering her the most was that Rowan wasn’t reading her signals. Kind of like the way he and Marz kept getting their signals crossed with each other, too. He started to laugh, but it turned into a cough, since he was in the middle of taking another pull from his cigarette.

He stared at her again when she resumed her seat, patting her cute fluffy hair down with one tiny hand. Sheesh, there she went with the head-splitting thing again. He wished she’d make up her mind about how many heads she wanted. Of course, he knew Tia had only one head and that it was all in his mind, but it was kind of fun to pretend she was doing it on purpose.

When she blushed he looked away, not wanting to unnerve her anymore than she already was. He stole the wine from her again and took a few sips before handing it back. He nodded thoughtfully at his boots when she once again asked about him and Marz. A second later, he burst out laughing, once he really started paying attention to what she was saying.

“Marz and I do not know what to expect from each other,” he said, wiping tears from his eyes. He paused to catch his breath when he started to choke on his own giggles. That was good, since it made him sound like a schoolgirl and not the big bad ass dragon he really was. “And he didn’t just drive me crazy at first—he drives me crazy every second of my life!”

His shyness now completely drowned in hazy smoke, he reached out and gripped Marz’s hand with both of his, gazing down fondly into his lover’s peacefully sleeping face. “We both worry constantly about the other leaving us, and we get tipped off by the most innocent remarks.” He shrugged. “I guess we’re getting better now. At least I don’t worry as much as I used to. And Marz can’t really help it if he’s tempted when other people practically flaunt themselves in his face.” He closed his eyes briefly and kissed the hand in his. “At least I know who he really loves.”

Tristan tried to get as serious as he possibly could, and he frowned when he finally met Tia’s gaze again. “Okay, love,” he began slowly. “It’s like…you never have to ask yourself if you're in love. I never have, anyway. I never assume I am, either. I’m not sure why it happened, but once I did finally fall in love with Marz, I never questioned what I felt. It was super frustrating at first, though. I knew I loved him, even though it was hard to admit it to myself, and I wanted to let him know how I felt, but I was just too scared.” He smiled, almost innocently. “You’re a lot braver than me, Tia. I never even considered sleeping with him until he asked me to.”

He couldn’t believe he was talking so much. Well, actually he could, and he wondered if this was some trick of Jeremy’s. Maybe Tia was a spy, and the little punk was trying to get him to say something he wouldn’t normally say. Okay, that had to be about the dumbest thing he’d ever thought of in his entire life. He was high, but not that high.

“Look,” he said, pointing two fingers and the cigarette sternly at her. “It’s not about the sex. I mean, yeah, the sex is great, and that’s probably because we are in love, but…” Haha, okay, definitely not all that high, as his face had just burst into flames. “Um…okay.” He scratched his head. “But…that’s not the point. That’s what I’m trying to say. If you just looking for someone to do it with, then fine, whatever, it’s your decision. Personally, I wouldn’t have wasted it like that, but that’s me.”

He probably didn’t know what the hell he was talking about it, when it all came down to it. But it was her fault, anyway, for asking him to explain something he was pretty sure he knew nothing about. “I know that I’m in love with someone,” he continued, trying to sum up his rather extended point, “So naturally, I want to share a physical relationship with him, too. Nobody can tell me that I love him, I just know. And nobody can tell you, either, I mean, there are no rules, no special “signs,” or anything, you just know or you don’t know, and that’s that.”

He thought about that for a little while, and finally came to the conclusion that nothing he’d just said made any sense whatsoever. He sighed. “Oh, screw it. I don’t know shit about love and relationships and stuff like that. I know I love Marz, and that’s all I need to know, so don’t ask me any questions or else I might confuse you as much as I’m starting to confuse myself.”

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