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Date Posted: 23:30:22 04/19/03 Sat
Author: Sherry
Subject: LW Fic: Lost

Title: Lost
Author: Sherry
Email: junruichen@aol.com
Rating: PG
Author's Notes: I'm so sorry for being late! I didn't even realize it until late tonight! It's been a hectic couple of weeks and it just slipped my mind. Thanks go to Jason for the lyrics. This is my first Buffy fic and I'm sure I got everything wrong and that the song doesn't fit. Please be honest – I can't fix what I don't know. Not betaed.


"Vanessa?" Audrey cried out, a quiver in her voice. She hugged her jacket closer to her. There was just something scary about being in a cemetery late at night when no one else was around. She stomped around, wishing she was anywhere else but here. She wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for that sister of hers. "Vanessa!" she hissed, anger making her feel a little less afraid. "I know you're here. This is the last straw, you here? Mom's going to freak when she finds out about this…" She didn't know if Vanessa could actually hear her or not, but she felt better talking and filling in some of the silence.

"You should go home little girl."

Audrey emitted a little cry and swerved around. Behind her stood a man, dressed all in black from his shoes to his duster. The only thing that contrasted with his dark image was his bleach blond hair and his deathly pale skin. She tensed up, not wanting to show that she was frightened at the sudden appearance of the man. "I'm not a little girl," she managed, feeling slightly indignant that he would suggest she was.

A smirk graced the blond's face. "Everybody's little compared to me."

His cryptic answer baffled her. He didn't look that much older than her; twenty-five, maybe twenty-six but certainly he wasn't some senior citizen.

"You should be indoors. Hasn't your mother ever told you that cemeteries are dangerous at night?" He glided over to her, the black duster billowing behind him. He caught her gaze with his piercing blue eyes. She broke eye contact, looking away. "I'm looking for my sister, Vanessa. She's supposed to be around here."

"Here?" He looked surprised. "I doubt you'll find any other little girls here either. You better get home. If your sister doesn't show up, it isn't likely she ever will."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Audrey demanded, incensed. She had enough of this from the guy.

He shrugged. "Go home. The cemeteries are no place for a girl like you. Consider that your last warning." With that he was gone, leaving her dumbfounded and stuck at her spot, wondering what had just happened.

* * *

Kids these days…Spike thought, shaking his head. He couldn't understand mortals sometimes. One would that thinking living in Sunnydale would have taught its residents that playing in the cemeteries late at night was a sure way to "disappear". The girl's sister was probably long gone by now.

As he strolled past the headstones and grave markers, he pulled out a cigarette and his lighter. He lit it up and took a long pull, exhaling lazy smoke rings. It was pretty quite that night, unusually so for Sunnydale and as much as he wanted to take it as it was and sit back and go back to his crypt for a few hours of Passions, he couldn't just write it off.

Up ahead, Spike heard sounds of a scuffle. Grunts and the sounds of flesh meeting flesh filled the air. In the corner of his eye, wisp of blond hair whipped past and he saw Buffy trip the vampire she was fighting with. In the blink of an eye, a stake appeared in her hand and the next thing he saw was dust settling on the ground. He watched her, crouched low in the ground, her stake clutched in her hand and her eyes on the spot where the vampire had laid. Buffy straightened up after a moment and brushed the dust from her pants and continued on her patrol.

For a moment he wanted to join her, to talk to her, to simply be with her even if she didn't want him around but he decided against it. Buffy had her job, he had to let her do it. But something bothered him about that last fight.

It had been fought before. Many times before. Ever since Buffy came back, it had been the same fight – quick, fast, automatic. Before, he could see Buffy's passion in all her moves, in every punch and kick she dealt out but now… Now it seemed like Buffy was with no soul, stuck in a role she had learned to play. He wished he could snap her out of it, and at times he could see her anger come to the forefront, but the times seemed few and far in between. He didn’t know where he stood with this new Buffy and that made it hard to approach her.

Their few moments together… God knows he loved them, loved feeling Buffy around him, under him but they left him feeling adrift. Each time she would come back, asking for more and more until the point that he wasn’t sure what Buffy truly wanted from him. He wasn’t sure if Buffy knew herself. But Spike wasn't the type to look a gift horse in the mouth. He had Buffy; that was good enough for now.

He scanned the graveyard, seeing nothing of interest and he turned to walk back to his crypt. A few hours of Passions sounded good about now. He knew he could leave with Buffy on patrol. She might have had the same type of drive she did before her untimely demise but she was still Buffy. Nothing would get by her, not on her watch.

He walked past the other crypts, evaluating them absent-mindedly. He liked his place, he truly did, but there was something to be said about change and he was feeling like something new. Just a change in scenery to get things in perspective. His current crypt held too many memories and it made it hard for him to take a step back and just contemplate.

Spike passed a grey crypt on his right, his eyes moving over it but he disregarded it because it was a bit too small. But something made him stop. From inside he could hear a dull thump, something that shouldn't be there. Anything capable of moving in there should be long dead.

If it was any other graveyard in any other town Spike would have disregarded it as probably some teens trying to get their jolies off but it wasn't some other graveyard in some other town. It was Sunnydale and in Sunnydale things were just different. With his brow furrowed, he pushed the iron doors of the crypt open.

Surprisingly the usual creek was not present and the doors opened quite smoothly. Inside, unaware of their intruder were two people, a girl in her late teens, her head tilted to the side and thrown back in ecstasy with a guy with a dark head of hair bent over her neck. It seemed clear to him what was really going on.

Spike couldn't just stand there and do nothing any longer. With two quick steps he was onto the couple, forcibly pulling the guy away from the girl, drawing a cry that was probably due to equal parts loss and pain.

The boy snarled at him, breaking out of his hold. The pronounced ridges on his forehead and the extended fangs only confirmed what he already knew.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" the girl had the audacity to cry out when she snapped out her momentary stupor.

"Saving your life!"

The girl scoffed. "Fuck off. I wasn't in any danger."

"Yeah, fuck off," the vampire echoed. "She–" He never got a chance to finish his sentence before he burst in a puff of dust.

"Shit!" the girl cursed.

"Do you have any clue what you were doing?" Spike demanded, turning to face the girl, angry at her stupidity. He pocketed the stake in his hand. "He was drinking your blood!"

"I ask him to!" she shot back. "Damn it! What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

She made a move to leave the crypt, the two holes clear and apparent in her neck. She made no move to stop the blood flow.

Spike grabbed her arm before she could leave.

"Let go!"

"Don't do this." He stared into her eyes, trying to convince her to stop. She only rolled her eyes.

"Whatever." She twisted out of his grasp and slipped away. He let her go.

* * *

Vanessa, Spike thought later after he had gotten back to his crypt. That was probably the sister that girl he had encountered earlier was looking for.

When he first saw her, he knew immediately that Vanessa knew what she was doing. The only problem was that he was sure she wasn't totally aware of what she was doing. She like so many other mortals were like that – trying to get away with something stupid to take their minds off life.

He was sure she had her own story; maybe her boyfriend had broken up with her, she was getting harassed at school, bad family life. It was always something. When Spike stared in her eyes, he saw no comprehension or caring. There didn’t seem to be any cognizant person inside that body.

Spike had seen that expression before. That's why he had let her go.

The girl was safe for another day. That he was certain. But tomorrow she'll be back, looking for another vampire to help her forget the day. For a few brief moments he wondered if the girl would get come back to herself. For her sake and for him, he hoped she will. All he needed was one little sign that maybe things would get better.

But if there was anything he was sure of, he was sure of this. He would be there. Maybe he would never see the girl again, but he didn't care all that much. All that mattered was Buffy and he was determined not let her sink any lower. He didn't want to see the same expression he had seen in the girl's eyes reflected in Buffy's again.

* * *

Little Sister
lyrics by Jewel Kilcher, from the album "Pieces of You"

Hey little sister I heard you went to Mr. So and So
knocking on his door again last night
Said you needed it bad -
You know that ain't right

Cause so many times you've come to me cry, crying
Trying to stop, you said it hurts so bad
But please don't let you
Go back for more

My little sister is a Zombie in a body
With no soul a role she has learned to play
In a world today where nothing else matters

But it matters, we gotta start feeding our souls
Not our addictions or afflictions of pain
To avoid the same questions we must
Ask ourselves to get any answers

We gotta start feeding our souls
Have been lost to the millions with lots
Who feed on addiction selling pills and what's hot
I wish I could save her from all their delusions
All the confusion

Of a nation that starves for salvation
But clothing is the closest approximation
To God and He only knows that drugs are
All we know of love

Every day we starve while we eat white bread and beer
Instead of a handshake or hug
We spill the pills and sweep them
Under the rug

My little sister is a Zombie in a body
With no soul a role whe has learned to play
In a world today where nothing else matters
But it matters, we gotta start feeding our souls

Hey little sister I heard you went to Mr. So and So
Knockin' on his door again last night
Said you needed more

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