Hi..... -- Sin and Tacos aka Lesbobitca Land

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Date Posted: Saturday, October 18, 08:41:13pm
Author: Lij
Author Host/IP: adsl-99-102-186-100.dsl.bltnin.sbcglobal.net / 99.102.186.100
Subject: Hi.....
In reply to: AurraSing 's message, "Damn it's quiet around here." on Friday, October 17, 10:49:02pm

Hi.... the weather has turned here as well. A little too much rain for me. My cousin cannot get into the field to pick our soybeans and the river is up and my ruin part of our crop in the river bottoms.

Sorry to hear about your uncle and others. Sometimes a nursing home is not so bad. It really is all in your own mind, and how you deal with it. After being in one for about 8 months I found they aren't as scary as you think as long as you work at it.

Hearing he was your last remaining uncle, made me take stock. I have one aunt left on both my parents' sides. On my father's side the baby of the family lives in Florida, near Tampa, and the other is my mother's baby sister in Kansas City. It is possible I will not see either again.

I am my age!

. . .

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[> [> It's somewhat overdue. -- AS, Sunday, October 19, 06:12:46pm (d154-20-56-169.bchsia.telus.net/154.20.56.169)

For some context, my uncle is my mom's one remaining brother. (They had another brother but he died back in '87). He's five years older than her and retired from full time work about 1996 or so. Since then he's gone downhill a lot, at least compared to my mom who at 77 still has two part time jobs. (one at a food court restaurant and another working for an agency that helps housebound seniors) A lot of what's happened over the past few years has been compounded by the fact that Uncle Peter mostly refused to take my mom's (and my two sisters) advice about keeping to a regular routine, keeping active and the like, so he's not only deteriorated physically but mentally as well. He did tell his doctors at the hospital the other day that he realises he cannot look after himself anymore but whether he truly knows he's not going home again is another issue. The sad part about this whole thing is that my mom and the sister who never really left home were trying their best to make him realise he needed help with proper meals, trips with shopping,etc and since Lisa does not work she and Mom could have helped him stay in his home near their neighbourhood but it's too late now. The hard part is that not only his home but the farm he has needs to be sold; he's been leasing it out for many years and I am hoping that person may be able to buy it...

For Catholics my parents' generation were small families. My dad had one brother who died at 37 from acute alcoholism complications and he had three kids whose current locations I really don't know. (my mom would, nobody else every talks to his ex-wife since she's a horrible excuse for a human being) My uncle who died in '87 had three sons, two live in Toronto and the other in Orange County, California. Apparently the oldest son is co-executor along with my mom of my uncle's estate so I imagine they will be talking about how to approach the house and farm sale. My cousin is a investment lawyer so that may come in handy.

Anyhow it's startling to see how much of a difference there is between my mom and her brother. Mom drives daily-Uncle Peter cannot lift his head high enough to see over a steering wheel. Mom goes for long walks with my sister-Uncle Peter has a hard time with a few stairs. For a guy who was running a grain farm and then working for a large chain store delivering furniture, he's a shell of his former self...but then again has outlived all but one of his friends and immediate male relations. He'll hopefully do better in the nursing home, I just hope it's one that's not the whole width of the city away from my mom since she'll want to see him as much as possible.

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[> [> [> Yeah, activity in my families - when cancer did not come in - was what kept my people young too. -- Lij, Sunday, October 19, 09:03:33pm (adsl-99-14-209-60.dsl.bltnin.sbcglobal.net/99.14.209.60)

My parents both came from good-sized Catholic families. Although, they had cousins who even have more sibling in their families. That's farm folk for you.

I went back to look at the average age at death of those in my parent's families (of those who survived past childhood - both had two children die young).

For my dad's side of the family that was:

8 siblings with an average age at death of 79 years. The one sister still living is at an age of 85 years.

For my mother's side of the family that was:

8 Siblings with an average age at death of 85 years. The one sister still living is at an age of 95 years.

My dad died at an age of 57 from cancer. Despite having broken legs 3 times (the also doctor re-broke his leg once - saying that he didn't like the way it had set), crushed an ankle (bulldozer rolled on him) and nearly dying from a auto crash on his honeymoon, dad was still very active until the cancer set in, although he had to walk with a cane since the ankle. Sometimes I think that it was that need for activity which kept him from taking the necessary medical steps (or simply seeing a doctor in the first place) which may have kept him from living longer.

As it was dad had to have a colostomy (colon cancer); but he went no further. The doctor assured dad and mom that he got it all, but I think he was just telling dad what he wanted to hear. I remember being very nervous before he died (I was 17 and it was 4+ years after the operation). He kept coming home from work (it was in the fall or I would have been with him) and lie down on the couch and go to sleep. The doctor did an autopsy when dad died and the cancer was throughout his abdomen, even into his heart which failed.

At that time a classmate (also a distant cousin of mine through my dad and the classmate's mother) was concerned about his father with the same cancer. He was undergoing chemotherapy and that is the first time I had ever heard about that procedure for cancer. And there I was wondering why dad was not doing the same as he was getting sicker. It didn't help to deal with his passing. My classmate-cousin's father died later in the school year.

Mom on the other hand died at the age of 96 and her sister of 95 is still living. I kinda hope I take after her. I'm 60 right now. But being a man, I'm just hoping for 15-18 more years.

It's good that someone go to see your uncle and I hope your mother can do that. I didn't see anyone for the first few months I was away. I don't think that figured into my relapses which were caused by MRSA and C. diff. But I know I perked up after a few cousins stopped in to seem. My cousin who farms our land even dropped by in his semi-trailer a few times to see me. He had been taking grain down to the port on the Ohio just west of where I was in a nursing home. The staff got a kick out of that!

But that was the problem with where I was. For financial reason I went to a hospital in Evansville, 60 miles from home. Then I went to a rehab hospital in the same town. I got within a week of going home, but MRSA sent me to another hospital in Evansville (I got really sick). Then the rehab hospital wouldn't take me back so I ended up in the nursing home in Evansville. There, I got C. diff. and that almost killed me. Back to the hospital for two weeks. Then back to the nursing home and so emaciated I've had trouble getting back to normal even to this day. Even back home I've had MRSA send me back to the hospital, but not for 5 years now. That last time was the worst. I had such an infection that my body went stiff. I couldn't even bend my legs or move my arms. Mom called the ambulance and they had a helluva time getting me out of the house.

But that's all a part of the joys of growing old!

. . .

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