In the bent over position, and wanting everyone to give me a swift kick in the ass (Menkin and Jim get two). -- Turbo Journey

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Date Posted: 08:27:51 03/19/03 Wed
Author: Joe "JS Smitty" Smith
Subject: In the bent over position, and wanting everyone to give me a swift kick in the ass (Menkin and Jim get two).

Hi.
\n
\nI have no time to start babbling, so please here me out. I'm a jerk. I'm a fucking moronic jerk. I feel, no, I DON'T even deserve to be your friend anymore. I've insulted you, I've dissed you, all because of some fucking asshole (Rows) convinced this fucking asshole (me) that the MST Syndicate is about degrading MSTers, and I believed him. I tried to do the impossible, I tried to get everyone to like me, and I failed miserably. Here I was, preaching to everyone on the TMFFA board all this shit about, don't worry what anyone says, and here I was being an ass all because of what somebody said. No, I was worse than being an ass, I was being Rowsdower.
\n
\nYou think that I was happy being on my own? I was...for the first day or so. I was fucking miserable every day after I unofficialy resigned from the Syndicate. Being away from all of you just made me want to throw up, and every time one of you tried to contact me I responded with insults, curses, and lectures. That's not me, that's not me at all. I tried to put logic into something that didn't need any logic from the beginning, and I think that eventually I just made that whole "problem" thing up just to convince myself. I don't deserve you guys, I don't deserve anybody after what I did. So I shouldn't even try to say this....
\n
\nPlease, I want to come back. But this isn't about, MST's, or the Syndicate, or about anything else. I just need you guys. You we're my best friends, all of you, and when I tried to think like a scientist, I ended up only hurting myself more than I have before.
\n
\nI cannot take back what I say, although I wish I could. And I can understand if none of you want to ever see me again, and if that is your wish, then I'll have to oblige it.
\n
\nFuck Rowsdower, this isn't about MST's to me anymore, no, this is something much greater than a story typed up on a computer.
\n
\nI'm sorry Amanda, I'm sorry Menkin, and I'm sorry Jim. Yeah, I guess I'm even sorry about Jay too. I feel as if something is missing inside of me, and I honestly, and truely want to come back, however, I cannot deny the requests of my friends. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

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