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Date Posted: 21:33:05 03/14/03 Fri
Author: Star S.
Subject: Well, instead of writing that paper on eutrophication, I elected to do this instead.
In reply to: Star S. 's message, "(as Th'iia'nel) Fascinating... (/Th'iia'nel)
No, really, good MSTing of a news article. Hmm... That's a thought... MST one of those articles about 'freedom fries'. That would cheer me up... =^-^=" on 20:25:17 03/14/03 Fri

Banning French Fries

Yes, why don't we? Let's just piss off our ally even more...

You want "freedom fries" with that?

No, I don't.

By Timothy Noah
Posted Tuesday, March 11, 2003, at 1:43 PM PT

Henceforth, french fries and French toast

(laying back of hand on forehead) Gasp, the horror! Not French toast!

will no longer be served in the cafeterias of the House of Representatives' three office buildings.

No, instead, they will be served Belgian Fries. That's where 'French Fries' are orginally from, anyway. And last time I checked, we didn't have any issue with Belgium.

Instead, the cafeterias will offer "freedom fries" and "freedom toast." It has been so decreed by Rep. Bob Ney, an Ohio Republican who

...has more time on his hands then is good for him.

chairs the committee on House administration.

That should tell you right then and there what kind of a person we are dealing with.

No word yet on whether the House similarly plans to adopt the neologisms "freedom horn,"

I already asked a friend. It's from Germany originally, idiots. What next, we rename the English Horn if the Brits pull out their support on the war?

"freedom doors," "freedom kissing," and "freedom tickler."

Ah, yes, 'freedom kissing'. I can see the headlines now, "When with your significant other, do the patriotic thing! Freedom kiss!"

Rep. Ney's action (urged on by Rep. Walter Jones, a North Carolina Republican)

Hm... What a dangerous combo.

is meant to demonize France for its exasperating refusal to support a war against Iraq.

Okay, I understand that France and Germany are particularly vocal in their protest. However, they are still our allies, why in the hell are we demonizing them?

It's an echo of the propaganda frenzy against Germany during World War I, when Americans renamed sauerkraut "liberty cabbage," dachshunds "liberty dogs," hamburgers "liberty steaks," and German measles "liberty measles."

Let me reiterate. Germany was our enemy in WWI. France is our ally. Does anyone else see the problem, here? Plus, this sort of re-naming action just comes across as puerile immaturity to the rest of the world. Who bloody cares about what we call potato sticks?

Beethoven was banned outright.

And what a sad thing that was. Hm, why not Mozart? He was Austrian, close enough... Actually, many Classical and Romantic-era composers were either German or Austrian in origin.

In retrospect, this demonization of all things German seems ridiculous. But it wasn't as ridiculous as Ney's current demonization of France.

Preach it...

Germany, after all, was America's enemy, whereas France is America's NATO ally.

*nods* Exactly my point. Yes, they may be coming across as reluctant allies, but still, why do this?

If chauvinistic warmongers want to start renaming stuff, it should be Iraqi stuff.

Now that would be a hoot.

There's probably not much point in going after Iraqi food such as masgoof (barbecued fish) and pacha (sort of an Iraqi haggis) because Americans don't eat them.

Oh, whoops... Well, there went that plan.

A better idea would be to tear out every page in the Bible that features an Iraqi place name, such as Babylon, Babel, the Garden of Eden, Nineveh, and Ur. The Christian right will object, but we all have to make sacrifices during wartime.

Amen, I say to thee. AMEN!

ORIGINAL ARTICLE FOUND AT: http://slate.msn.com/id/2079975/

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Replies:

Great! I did one of those Nigerian spam's in my last MST, that was a hoot!
Iraqi haggis? Cripes, no wonder they're all pissed off! ^-^ (NT) -- J.P., 23:24:45 03/14/03 Fri
>;-)Hey, Star-chan, want to show our patriotic support for America? ^_~ (NT) -- J. T., 07:27:19 03/15/03 Sat
- >;-)Of course. ^_^ (NT) -- Star S., 07:56:18 03/16/03 Sun
  - *Bashes Spike over the head with a bookcase.* If you've seen a few episodes of M*A*S*H, you should know this... *Dips Star back and 'Freedom' kisses her passionately in front of everyone.* (NT) -- J. T., 10:46:01 03/16/03 Sun
    - I love it when you do that. ^_^ (NT) -- Star S., 20:13:53 03/16/03 Sun
      - What, kissing you or knocking Spike unconsicous so we don't have to listen to his stupid kiss-for-a-dollar jokes (That will inevetable lead to me or one of the other Magni putting a foot through him) when I kiss you? (NT) -- J. T., 20:43:18 03/17/03 Mon
        B-)I wondered what you were hintin' at... ::picks up and chucks the bulk of the bookcase off of Spike:: And to think you loaded it with paperbacks too...you cunning bastard. You, ofcourse, know we promised Star we wouldn't make any more KFAD jokes b/t you two. ::pulls Spike to his feet, his head bleedin', and hangs one of Spike's arms over his shoulder:: Damn, man. Seriously, it was JT, in the messageboard, with the bookcase. ~__~' -- /\/\3|\|k1|\|, 21:20:00 03/17/03 Mon
        I wasn't injuring him. THAT was nothing that even I can't withstand... (NT) -- J. T., 21:30:34 03/17/03 Mon
        I know what you mean, but Spike's...well...human...he kinda breaks easily. Just because I could easily have turned that bookcase to shreds of paper and splinters doesn't mean Spike could without the use of an outside source. Besides, if nothing else, you would have had one of your SI's help you out if it got to that. (NT) -- /\/\3|\|k1|\|, 21:36:06 03/17/03 Mon
        I'm pure human and I've taken worse and kept on at it. (Ten and fifteen foot falls, busted heads, etc.) (NT) -- J. T., 22:07:02 03/17/03 Mon
        Pain is a unique and highly individual experience. Different people can take different levels of pain and injuries before function ceases. One person's pain may be another person's pleasure, for that matter. It all depends on the individual. (NT) -- Star S., 13:25:10 03/18/03 Tue
        ...Once is happenstance, twice is a coincedence, three times is A BLOODY CONSPIRACY!
        This ****ing upgrade has messed with the posting procedure... They really screwed up this time. (NT) -- Star S., 13:28:39 03/18/03 Tue
        Didn't I say that already? (NT) -- J. T. Magnus, Forum Admin, 15:42:21 03/18/03 Tue
        Several times. Literally. =^-^= (NT) -- Star S., 16:07:32 03/18/03 Tue
        P'tak VoyForums! (NT) -- J. T., 19:16:15 03/18/03 Tue