Great dialog and characterization, as always >>>> -- Ladies of Lallybroch Literary Forum

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Date Posted: 05:56:08 06/18/10 Fri
Author: Fi
Subject: Great dialog and characterization, as always >>>>
In reply to: debikm 's message, "In here, Old Dogs scene: 1082 words" on 21:47:42 06/14/10 Mon

Alan and Nessa want to help, Valerie wants to be left alone... You've really captured the tension here.

>Valerie flinched from Daniel’s angry shout and felt
>worse when she saw him recoil as he realized he’d
>startled her.

>Twin gasps came from from Alan and Nessa ~~intensified the tension~~.

>Valerie was still angry and the current
>situation was spinning ~~madly~~ out of her control,
>making her head throb ~~with strain~~.

>“You’re damn skippy I’m upset!
Nice dialog.

>~~Then~~ her gaze narrowed.

>She was annoyed that
>neither Alan nor Nessa would answer her or look her in
>the eyes ~~in promise~~.

>Her family stared ~~at her~~ as if she’d grown four heads

>the Roark family jungle drum network
LOL. My cousin calls this the "parentnet".

>‘you should have him assassinated’, an idea I’m not completely
>opposed to in principle, mind you,
:D

>“I know, I’m ~~a terrible,~~ an ungrateful bitch

>Daniel spread his hands ~~in helpless confusion~~. “I
>don’t know what you want from me.”
>
>“I don’t really want anything from you.”
Ouch!

>Daniel’s expression was surprised,
>~~starting to lean~~ leaning toward offended

>threatening to rob her of any coherence ~~at all~~.

>Rubbing at her forehead,

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[> [> [> Thank you Fi! -- Debi, 06:10:54 06/18/10 Fri

More zen recommended, I see...;-) I can't help it! My fingers just have a mind of their own, es evidenced by the horrendous typos after the first pass... Thanks again!

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>Alan and Nessa want to help, Valerie wants to be left >alone... You've really captured the tension here. > > >>Valerie flinched from Daniel’s angry shout and felt >>worse when she saw him recoil <s>as he realized >he’d >>startled her</s>. > >>Twin gasps came from from Alan and Nessa ><s>intensified the tension</s>. > >>Valerie was still angry and the current >>situation was spinning <s>madly</s> out of her >control, >>making her head throb <s>with strain</s>. > >>“You’re damn skippy I’m upset! >Nice dialog. > >><s>Then</s> her gaze narrowed. > >>She was annoyed that >>neither Alan nor Nessa would answer her or look her in >>the eyes <s>in promise</s>. > >>Her family stared <s>at her</s> as if she’d >grown four heads > >>the Roark family jungle drum network >LOL. My cousin calls this the "parentnet". > >>‘you should have him assassinated’, an idea I’m not >completely >>opposed to in principle, mind you, >:D > >>“I know, I’m <s>a terrible,</s> an ungrateful >bitch > >>Daniel spread his hands <s>in helpless >confusion</s>. “I >>don’t know what you want from me.” >> >>“I don’t really want anything from you.” >Ouch! > >>Daniel’s expression was surprised, >><s>starting to lean</s> leaning toward >offended > >>threatening to rob her of any coherence <s>at >all</s>. > >>Rubbing <s>at</s> her forehead,
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