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Date Posted: 19:34:38 09/04/10 Sat
Author: Debi
Subject: Homework and stuff
Two weeks of class gone by and I'm still not sure what the class is about or why it's a lit class, when all we've read so far is philosophy... A least the instructor is nice. So let's clear the cobwebs and make something happen.
1. Comfortably Numb: Tell us about being a bit out of your head, be it alcohol, sickness, some illicit substance not yet mentioned. Tell us what the speaker (yourself or your character) sees, hears, feels, etc., and how it affects the people around, if there are any.
2. Line, Please! Use the following line in a scene: "For the love of God, don't tell me you lost the freaking map!"
Come back to the light... ;-)
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Molly -- debikm, 12:34:23 09/12/10 Sun
Can't remember if I've posted this bit before, I don't think so. I haven't had time to write squat fresh, with work and class going on, and reading for class, and writing stuff for class, so I dug into the archives. Molly's bar has been broken into, landing her in the hospital.
Excerpt from Downtown Babylon, copyright 2009-2010, Debi Matlack, all rights reserved. Posted for sharing and critique purposes only, does not constitute publication.
_________________
A sound kept repeating.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
It was driving her crazy. Why the hell couldn’t she dream about something else? The damned bleep kept interrupting her slumber, pushing her to the edge of wakefulness, despite her desire to stay asleep. She was so tired. It had been a long night and she was wiped out.
Beep.
“Molly?”
Son of a bitch… Now what? Why was it when she truly needed the sleep, someone or something had to interfere?
“Molly.”
She sighed, surfacing from sleep slowly, with the greatest of reluctance. She realized her head hurt. A lot. Her face felt weird, kind of muffled. Now she was even more reluctant to open her eyes.
Beep.
Shit. With great effort, Molly opened her eyes, or one of them anyway. At first, she could only see shapes, fuzzy areas of light and dark and they all seemed very far away. The largest one moved closer and became more recognizable as a face. A familiar face.
Gil.
“Molly?” There was a rustle as he moved close, bending down to kiss her forehead with great gentleness and whisper “Welcome back.”
Beep.
“Why do you keep saying my name? Where have I been?” His presence didn’t surprise her but her own voice did, dry and raspy, the words only coming one or two at a time. Bit by bit, the rest of the room swam into focus. A screen sat nearby, squiggly lines and numbers crawling across it. That’s where the frigging beep came from.
Beep.
The mattress beside her sank a little as he sat on the edge of the bed. “Do you remember what happened?”
“When?”
Beep.
She couldn’t focus on anything but that damned sound. Annoying as shit. “Make it stop.”
Gil leaned closer. His face was lined with exhaustion, dark shadows under his puffy eyes. What was wrong with him? He looked awful. Was he sick? She frowned and reached for his face, brought up short by the wire attached to her finger.
“Make what stop, honey?”
Beep.
“That.” Her concern for his welfare would have to wait. She was already getting tired again and her eyes slid closed. Sleep would do them both some good.
“Molly?”
“Hmm?”
“Don’t leave me.”
“Okay.” Her fingers drummed the blanket under them in slow invitation. She never knew if he lay down beside her or not.
Beep.
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Hey Debi! >>> -- 
Myxtress, 11:42:17 09/16/10 Thu
Sounds like her bar was more than broken into. Geez, she's been assulted! What kind of damage was inflicted that Gil thought there was a chance she'd 'leave' him?
Okay, the beep was annoying wasn't it? *G* Seriously, it made the scene what it was and I don't think you could have achieved that feeling of disorientation any better. And I liked how she was aware enough to know Gil looked exhausted, but wasn't able to do anything but get the rest she needed. Brought the point home as to how much she was hurt.
Another job well done.
Hugs
Esther
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Thanks! -- Debi, 13:10:16 09/16/10 Thu
>Sounds like her bar was more than broken into. Geez,
>she's been assulted! What kind of damage was
>inflicted that Gil thought there was a chance she'd
>'leave' him?
She hit them with a baseball bat a few times before one of them slammed her against the wall and got the bat away. Don't worry, the dog intervened, but she lay there for some time before someone found her. Basically, broken nose, serious concussion and cracked ribs.
>
>Okay, the beep was annoying wasn't it? *G*
>Seriously, it made the scene what it was and I don't
>think you could have achieved that feeling of
>disorientation any better. And I liked how she was
>aware enough to know Gil looked exhausted, but wasn't
>able to do anything but get the rest she needed.
>Brought the point home as to how much she was hurt.
I often wonder how hospitals think patients can rest and heal with all the chaos going on. Drives me crazy when I'm visiting, can't imagine being a patient for long.
>
>Another job well done.
Thank you!!
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