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Date Posted: 11:35:30 02/08/11 Tue
Author: Fi
Subject: You've still got that ear for dialogue>>>
In reply to: Debi 's message, "Latest class homeork" on 11:44:11 02/05/11 Sat

The dialogue flows very naturally as always. It's easy to imagine her getting irritated by the constant questions about her "oddness". I imagine that twins in "our" world get similar questions and are similarly baffled by it.

The only thing I'd change would be in the sentence:
>“Rare.” She snorted, her voice thick with sarcasm.
I'd get rid of "her voice thick with sarcasm." Her voice can't be thick when she's snorting, and the dialogue carries the sarcasm w/out requiring you to tell us.

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[> Here's my take >>> -- Esther, 12:25:00 02/10/11 Thu

Okay. Not sure what the exact assignment was, but I’m going with revelations through dialogue. So what I did was delete everything that wasn’t part of the direct conversation, so there are no distractions. This is what I got out of it.

“What’s it like?”

“What’s what like?”

“To be alone.”

“It’s the only way I’ve ever been. I might ask you to explain how it feels to be male, or blond. I’m not like you, or like almost everyone else on the planet. I don’t have a twin. I don’t know what to tell you.”

Okay, we have a male and a female speaking. And the male has a twin, and apparently that’s the norm on this planet. A concept I like very much.

“Try.”

There was some description here, which is necessary to follow the flow of dialogue, which I hated to delete btw because what beats a male stretching long and languorous?

“Where are you going?”

K, the female is leaving.

“Home. To be alone. Where I don’t have to answer silly questions.”

seems a little sensitive about the subject

“I’m just curious.”

“That’s because you’re like everybody else. You have an identical copy of yourself, you’re in each other’s heads, you’re normal.”

In each other’s heads eh? I think I can follow that concept. *G*

“So are you, you’re just rare since you’re a singleton.”

Well, this I don’t quite get. She’s not really normal if she doesn’t have an identical copy of herself to talk to in her head. She is alone in that respect. So rare fits.

“Rare. And so sad. No one to share thoughts with, no secret language, no relationship that predates birth, just me. Everybody always wonders how I can stand being the way I am. But for me, I’m normal. Is that what this is about? Curiosity?”

hmmm. Granted being alone is normal for her, but it’s not normal. And Uh oh! Questioning his motivation for being with her. Not good.

“No! Well, maybe a little.”

“Great. At least you’re honest. You tell me what you think it’s like.”

Excellent way to get into his head and show it with his words!

“I had a friend in high school. His twin died in a car accident right after graduation. Mike was so different after, quiet, like he was listening for Mitch all the time. Listening for a voice he’d never hear again. Is that it?”

And now I’m feeling sympathy for Mike…*G* This bit does highlight how important that connection between twins is and how lost those that are 'normal' would feel if they were alone and consequently how they might pity those that don't have that copy to share with.

“You can’t miss what you never had.”

So true. And it shows how alone she truly is without saying it outloud again.

And how's that for being totally off base. *G*

Hugs

Esther

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[> [> Actually, very much a home run! -- Debi, 20:35:48 02/11/11 Fri

The assignment was dialogue, but, as you said, to reveal the characters more through what they say than by exposition. You hit on everything I was trying to convey so I guess I did okay.;-)

The next assigment is the condensed life. I've chosen Snow White in a very tongue-in-cheek manner. Stay tuned.

Thanks!
Debi

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