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Date Posted: 15:52:33 05/01/12 Tue
Author: 
Myxtress
Subject: Hey! Care to Share?
And just what does that mean? Well…let’s see. Once upon a time, long, long ago… there was a discussion about something I referred to as a check-in. So what happened? Let’s just say my motion was defeated.
But, years later, I still believe a check-in has some viable points that would work on this board.
So are you wondering what a check in is?
As it’s stated in the first sentence, right under the Literary Forum title, this is where we congregate to discuss and _share_ our creative writing.
I would like to encourage such sharing. Like the bulletin post on the Social Board, the purpose of a check-in post is simple – to share. Not to be repetitive, but there is a theme here. *G*
A quick scroll down the board shows not too much posting happening. In the past there have been basically two kinds of posts. Critiques and homeworks. Don’t get me wrong, each has their place. Each has a valuable purpose. But…that’s not to say that we always have a piece we want a crit on. Or that with our limited time that we would put a homework over our real life or take time away from our WIP. There’s always choices to make.
To me a check-in is a way to post something we’ve spent time on during the week/month that we might consider sharing. The usual ‘rules’ of responding to all the posts on the main page don’t apply, because it’s just an individual taking advantage of the opportunity to say hey, I haven’t totally flown the coop. It’s a way for us to say, look at us! We’re writing! It’s a way to motivate us. It should be fun. It should unite us as writers sharing the joy of exploring our craft. And hey, here’s a thought. It’s a way to get lurkers to lurk, and perhaps invite them to comment and get involved. Heck, it’s a way to get us to contribute. The only expectation of a check-in is that someone read it. Perhaps comment on it and by doing so provide encouragement that shows we’re not alone in our endeavours.
As far as I’m concerned, it won’t hurt to try it. And if it doesn’t work, well…nothing ventured, nothing gained.
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I'll go first >>> -- Myxtress, 16:03:39 05/01/12 Tue
Well...I've been busy with work the last couple weeks, but all my taxes have been completed, and both the quarterly and yearly HST has been remitted, so I finally feel like I can come out and have some fun. Unfortunately, I haven't written for a few weeks, but this is the last piece I was working on before I was swamped with paper.
Excerpt from working title ‘Mirrors’
by E.M. Sawatzky © 2012 All rights reserved.
Posted for critiquing purposes only and does not constitute publication.
It was a question addressed to me. A titillating question that spiked the magic in the air. “Yes.”
Reprimand appeared in his eyes. “Yes, what?” His voice, already pitched low and seductive, took on a slumberous, albeit dangerous tone.
Magnified by his speaking ‘what’ aloud and in my mind at the same time, I fought the urge to whisper, mutter or more probable, whimper the title Master. As Darian had foreboded, this was not a game I could afford to lose and I had better start playing before I lost the will to win. I swallowed, forcing my lip to curl up in a mocking sneer. “You are not my master.”
He lifted a curled index finger to my cheek and stroked down in a tender and mocking caress. “You play a dangerous game, My Pet.”
“I am not your pet, either.”
A smile twisted his lips. “No?”
I had to mean what I envisioned. Ignoring the question that had one derivative answer, I squeezed my eyes shut and concentrated.
Leather binds disappeared; stilettos faded, leaving my bare feet cushioned on soft carpet. I opened my eyes. A beautiful bedchamber greeted my vision, a fluffy comforter draped over the mattress of a canopy bed. Scattered pillows. A chaise lounge. An old-fashioned full length mirror. A bouquet of fresh cut flowers scented the air. Morning sunlight filtered though the lace curtains and I turned toward the warmth, rubbing my arms to get rid of the chill on my skin. I rolled my shoulders in relief, whimpering in ecstasy when the caress of silken robe eased my discomfort.
The scent of male arousal thickened the air. Laughter taunted me. I will always find you, My Pet. Sunlight disappeared. Dozens of candles lit the room with disturbing reflections; rose petals were strewn on the carpet, the edges curled and burnt.
Heart racing in ominous anticipation, I swung around to face the mirror; material from my dressing gown fluttered around me, the three-quarter length sleeves stretched out to bind my hands behind my back.
Fallon stepped out of the full-length mirror...
This time I didn’t scrunch up my eyes; I kept my gaze on Fallon’s. And then I leapt.
Right into the jungle. Silken ties morphed into ragged vines and kept me shackled. Tree bark scratched my back. Laughter once again preceded Fallon’s presence.
“Nice shirt.” I curled my lip in scorn even as my fingers yearned to glide under the material and feel hidden muscles and warm skin. And while I knew part of the appeal was the concealment, another part of me longed to gaze upon flesh I was forbidden to have. “At least when I shift realities I fit in with my surroundings.”
Yes, My Pet, you have the most intriguing creativity and I do exist only to serve your pleasure.
I received more than I bargained for; before me was my own version of a vine-swinging seducer. He had the magnificent body hinted at underneath his clothes, and I had been correct. I was now entranced by the sculpted muscles, the bronzed skin, and the sheen of sweat. His scent was nothing less than ambrosia. I had provided him the power to influence my reaction, and now I was at a disadvantage. “Damn you, even your feet are beautiful.”
A tree sprouted up beside him, to be followed with hundreds more, surrounding us. At his command, they grew to towering heights, with vines dangling down to the earth. With a casual ease he grabbed one, and wrapping his ankle around it, allowed himself to soar upward as the tree grew at an unnatural rate.
Before I could comprehend his intent, I was in a precarious position, suspended fifty feet above the ground. “What is it with you and trees, Fallon?”
The branch under my feet was like a diving board. Without thought, I dived, and plunged deep into the water. Effervescent bubbles obscured my vision, yet rose above me as I plummeted into the dark abyss.
What is it with you and water? Gorgeous as Tarzan, he surpassed that as a merman. His dark, penetrating gaze followed me down. Ah, yes. The blue matches my eyes. He swam beside me, until I touched bottom. Wait. Not bottom. Wood.
Once again, I was a mermaid, but this time I was the figurehead on the bow of a sunken ship.
He caressed my lines with a firm hand. Interesting choice, My Pet.
I felt every touch in the centre of my being. Even though the flesh was gone, he still had power over me. The timber warmed beneath his fingers, the inanimate made into more.
He met my gaze and damned if I couldn’t help but notice how blue his eyes were. It would be easy to give in and drown in those depths. Even knowing to do so would be the end of me and everything that was important, I couldn’t help but anticipate his gaze, his touch. His voice. And he knew it, whispering innuendos in my mind.
You are a treasure buried at the bottom of the sea, anticipating the one who will plunder your depths.
Plunder? I think not. Perhaps you’ll end up battered and broken when the waves crush you and shatter your body against the rocks you so love.
His warm hand cupped my cheek. My Pet, where did you think the myth of mermaids came from?
Sorry, don’t know that one. Do you remember the version where mermaids drowned men out of spite? Shall I try?
Sing to me, My Siren. His lips brushed against mine. Embrace me, and forget everything except what you need.
Need. I had forgotten. Again.
Siren and song. Water vaporized into mist. We ascended into the clouds, soaring higher through space. Entwined within me, Fallon kept up the momentum, surpassing my limited knowledge. Stars whizzed by as we spun together, not knowing where either of us began. Or ended.
It had to end at the Senate of Peers.
With Lust.
With Love.
And with Temptation that wouldn’t be denied.
No longer could I think. I had to get away, to make him chase me. To play the game without rules or reason. To go against everything I wanted.
Frayed beyond recollection, different worlds followed on the heels of others. So fast did we visit, images blurred together. Pearls restricted me one moment, allowing me to be cool and dignified as I waited for my lover, and then I’d be scared witless without breath, stuck in the sticky thread of a spiders web, waiting to be devoured. My senses heightened, my heart pounded in anticipation. Everything from chains to woven flowers held me back, until…until I realized it wasn’t Fallon will restraining me, it was my fears.
If I did as I must, he would hate me. I couldn’t seem to shake his hold. I longed for his touch, his scent, his presence, knowing with every glimpse I had of him, he was closer. Desire made him more, lust fed his resolve. His mirth was evident, his smile promised retribution. It was almost enough to make me give up. I was losing. I wanted him.
Weakened, it would be easy to succumb. Arousal like I never knew existed gave strength to us both. Why was I turning away from pleasure?
Because it wouldn’t be pleasure for Fallon. I couldn’t explore my passion while exploiting his. I wouldn’t use him.
In order to keep my lust from him I had to take him to bed.
I thought of the first room I went to when I escaped from his childhood torture chamber. The sheets were as soft as anything I’d ever felt, the scent of passion lingered in the air, a healthy fragrance of which Fallon had never partaken. My shackles were gone; my fears were immaterial.
I opened my arms; I felt the heat of his body. His weight pressed me into the mattress; his eyes dilated back to black.
“Look into my eyes, Fallon. See the truth you know is there.”
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Re: I'll go first >>> -- Oatcake, 17:36:10 05/02/12 Wed
Wow. Okay, I'll comment on your fascinating excerpt... I'd like to write about impressions and what I felt, reading it. The most difficult thing in any language is to talk about emotions, worse if it is in a foreign language. so, please forgive if I seem less polite than I ought to be, it might just be caused by language limits...
First I'd like to say I enjoyed reading because I had to find out, what this scene was leading to. Meaning there definitely was an interesting arc of suspence.
I also liked your detailed writing about setting and emotion. I must admit though, that I could not entirely feel "with" the narrator but that might just have been because I didn't know the context (why is there a "battle" between narrator and Fallon).
As I said I like the detailed description; I also like to listen to the narrators "inward dialogue", but feel, the two things don't go very well together. Reason: The description is almost poetic but the thoughts (italics) are mocking, though both come from one person (narrator).
Sorry, I#ve got to run, my little one is sick and crying and DH needs to sleep, so I've got to look after DS... Sorry again - I'll be back!
Esther
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Re: I'll go first >>> -- Oatcake, 04:51:08 05/04/12 Fri
...I'm back.
Sorry I had to run away - that was no good start...
What I still wanted to say:
I can feel your passion for writing and I really like your "eye" for details! I'm looking forward to reading more of that.
Have you ever published something? How long have you been writing? I'm curios...
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No apologies Oatcake, I understand completely and I hope your little one is feeling better. >>> -- Myxtress, 16:00:44 05/04/12 Fri
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I appreciate it!
>Wow. Okay, I'll comment on your fascinating excerpt...
>I'd like to write about impressions and what I felt,
>reading it. The most difficult thing in any language
>is to talk about emotions, worse if it is in a foreign
>language. so, please forgive if I seem less polite
>than I ought to be, it might just be caused by
>language limits...
Hey, no worries. I’m of the opinion that any comments I receive on this board are given with the intent to be helpful, and even us native speakers have trouble sometimes. Let me say that I appreciate any feedback I get, because it does make a world of difference and a difference in my worlds. And thank you again for putting the impressions you had and the emotions you felt into words that help me get this story to where it needs to go.
>
>First I'd like to say I enjoyed reading because I had
>to find out, what this scene was leading to. Meaning
>there definitely was an interesting arc of suspence.
>I also liked your detailed writing about setting and
>emotion. I must admit though, that I could not
>entirely feel "with" the narrator but that might just
>have been because I didn't know the context (why is
>there a "battle" between narrator and Fallon).
>As I said I like the detailed description; I also like
>to listen to the narrators "inward dialogue", but
>feel, the two things don't go very well together.
>Reason: The description is almost poetic but the
>thoughts (italics) are mocking, though both come from
>one person (narrator).
Couple things here.
First, thanks. It’s always good to know when something is working. And it seems I have adequate description for the settings they are in. Yay! I was kind of worried since so many setting occur during this one scene. *G*
Okay, let’s get to the narrator. I can understand that you don’t get Heather, as this is the first you’ve seen of her. As for context, it’s not so much a battle as everyone refers to it as a game. A game with high stakes because if Heather is not successful, Fallon will cease to exist and the real world as mortals know it will be changed forever. And of course, that change is not in a good way.
Fallon’s power is lust, and in order for Heather to get Fallon willing to play, she has to entice him with it. But if she succumbs to it, she proves to Fallon it’s not a game worth playing, or winning, and he will follow his scheme to give up his power, his mate and his existence for his brother. Of course, if Fallon succeeds, it’s at the cost of living forever with excruciating agony, effectively binding him to the powers that attempted to subjugate and use him in the first place.
Oh, and yeah, there’s the issue that Fallon claimed her as a baby, which went against all the rules, and there are those that condemn him for manipulating her powers to suit his own purposes when he was actually protecting her as mate to his brother Darian. So at this point Darian has advised Heather that if Fallon so much as puts his tongue in her mouth there will be no hope for any sort of redemption.
And now for the dialogue. The inward dialogue isn’t really inward dialogue. I’m still wondering how to get this across, but the italics are Fallon and Heather speaking to each other without actually speaking outloud…so while I understand I have to work on how to get that to come across I’m glad the two don’t go well together if interpreted as inner dialogue. After all, Fallon is mocking her, anticipating her submission because no one has ever resisted him before and he doesn’t see Heather being able to either…hence why he’s bored with the game… *G*
>
>Sorry, I#ve got to run, my little one is sick and
>crying and DH needs to sleep, so I've got to look
>after DS... Sorry again - I'll be back!
>
>Esther
>...I'm back.
>Sorry I had to run away - that was no good start...
Are you kidding? This is a great start! And so much more that I expected, so no more apologies. *G* Your little one is more important.
>
>What I still wanted to say:
>I can feel your passion for writing and I really like
>your "eye" for details! I'm looking forward to reading
>more of that.
Thank you! Writing is the one thing I do that totally absorbs my mind and makes time irrelevant. It’s nice to hear that my voice is appreciated and hence the chances of reading more are pretty good here on this board. *G*
>
>Have you ever published something? How long have you
>been writing? I'm curios...
Well, let’s see. I’ve been writing for a decade or so now. *G* As I write for fun, I never started writing with the intent to be published, so no, I have nothing published. Although, now with self-publishing becoming more common place and with the popularity of ebooks, I have given it a bit more thought. I have three stories in various stages of completion, so hopefully I can get the one I earmarked done sometime soon.
Thanks again for stopping by and commenting. You're a natural!
Hugs
Esther
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Re: No apologies Oatcake, I understand completely and I hope your little one is feeling better. >>> -- Oatcake, 17:07:33 05/04/12 Fri
Thanks for the additional information on your story. It all sounds very interesting!
Actually you got it across that Heather and Fallon are communicating. Somehow I just thought it was a mixture of Thoughts that can be read by Fallon and thoughts just for herself. Maybe I'm lacking concentration. I usually get to the computer late in the evening when my brains are used up by quelling the warfare of my two sons... ;o) - BTW the fever of my 2 year old finally broke and I hope we will be back to "normal" tomorrow...
Gimme some more of your story, lass!
See you!
Esther
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Worked a lot the last few weeks. Including some writing again, finally. -- Lady Morilka, 15:40:17 05/15/12 Tue
This time the inspiration came from the kirk and the little Emily fighting cancer.
Emily
Little butterfly
outwaiting the storm,
duck you head low
and keep strong.
Think of the time
when you will fly,
again in the sun
warm and bright.
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Emily is an amazing girl. And this is a great tribute to her. Thanks for sharing! -- Myxtress, 10:58:41 05/19/12 Sat
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I am working on more, I have a song i stuk in my head that is bugging me to get finished ;) -- Lady Morilka, 06:47:01 05/21/12 Mon
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