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Date Posted: 13:13:21 04/10/10 Sat
Author: 
debikm
Subject: Re: That damned query letter >>>>
In reply to:
Page
's message, "That damned query letter >>>>" on 12:11:18 04/10/10 Sat
>I've fiddled with this thing more than I have the
>book. And I've revised the book three times! I'm to
>the point of cutting and pasting the lyrics of The
>Beatles' Paperback Writer into a Word document
>and sending it out. (Hey, that's not a bad...never
>mind.)
>
>Be honest, be brutal, be picky. Pretend you have no
>idea what the book's about and tell me if you'd be
>intrigued by this:
>
>Dear [name of agent of awesomeness],
>
>Katie Carey’s husband has a mistress and her name is
>heroin.
>
>As the wife of British guitar god Jay Carey, Katie
>lived a fantasy life as one half of a superstar rock
>and roll couple in London in the 1970s. She and Jay
>had it all; the big houses, the cars, and phenomenal
>success in the music industry. But when Jay began
>indulging in every excess the decadent lifestyle
>offered Katie watched her perfect world collapse. It
>was a shock for the former flower child to realize
>that contrary to what The Beatles said, love is not
>all you need. Her love for Jay was no match for the
>insidious pull of heroin addiction; he craved the
>oblivion the drug gave him more than anything,
>including his wife.
>
>After a year of trying to put her life back together
>after Jay walked out on her, Katie is thrown into
>confusion when he shows up on her doorstep clean,
>sober and ready to start over. She still loves him
>and wants him back, but he’ll have to prove she can
>trust him not to destroy her heart again.
>
>My novel CAREY ON is Contemporary Romance complete at
>145,402 words. Thank you for your time and
>consideration.
>
>Sincerely,
You probably don't want to revise it again, but so much of the story is Katie and Jay finding each other. This blurb skips that completely. Granted you don't want to tell the whole story on the back cover of the book, but that's an important part of the story that feels like it's missing to me. JMHO, as always. The synopsis is well-written and would make me want to read it, if I didn't already love it, which I do!
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And yes, bring the lilacs in so you can enjoy them! I'm jealous, can't grow them here. Or peonys...*sigh* -- debikm, 13:15:59 04/10/10 Sat
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You're so right. How's this one? >>> -- Page, 16:40:48 04/10/10 Sat
I don't mind revising it, because it's the only thing I have to pique an agent's interest. I agree with you about its not telling the main part of the story. (I just came up with that hook line and couldn't shake it. *G*)
What do you think about this one:
Flower child Katie Scott always thought falling in love at first sight was nothing more than a trite phrase. Until it happened to her. Twice.
Fleeing the aftermath of Haight-Ashbury’s Summer of Love, Katie arrived in England to check out the scene in swinging London. She hadn’t been there twenty-four hours before she fell for charismatic rock singer Adam Greene. She couldn’t imagine a life more idyllic than the one they shared in the bohemian neighborhood of Ladbroke Grove until Adam introduced her to his best friend, British guitar god Jay Carey. One look into Jay's mesmerizing eyes and Katie knew she was in trouble.
The break-up of Jay’s band left him anxious to form a new group with his friend Adam. Falling in love with Adam’s lady had not been on the agenda, but the night he met Katie, Jay lost his heart. He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anything; and what Jay wanted, Jay got.
Katie thought the hurt she caused Adam was the worst thing she’d ever have to face. But losing the love of her life to the insidious pull of heroin addiction was a thousand times worse.
After a year of trying to put her life back together after Jay walked out on her, Katie is thrown into confusion when he shows up on her doorstep clean, sober and ready to start over. She still loves him and wants him back, but he’ll have to prove she can trust him not to destroy her heart again.
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Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! -- debikm, 18:31:20 04/10/10 Sat
>I don't mind revising it, because it's the only thing
>I have to pique an agent's interest. I agree with you
>about its not telling the main part of the story. (I
>just came up with that hook line and couldn't shake
>it. *G*)
>
>What do you think about this one:
>
>Flower child Katie Scott always thought falling in
>love at first sight was nothing more than a trite
>phrase. Until it happened to her. Twice.
>
>Fleeing the aftermath of Haight-Ashbury’s Summer of
>Love, Katie arrived in England to check out the scene
>in swinging London. She hadn’t been there twenty-four
>hours before she fell for charismatic rock singer Adam
>Greene. She couldn’t imagine a life more idyllic than
>the one they shared in the bohemian neighborhood of
>Ladbroke Grove until Adam introduced her to his best
>friend, British guitar god Jay Carey. One look into
>Jay's mesmerizing eyes and Katie knew she was in
>trouble.
>
>The break-up of Jay’s band left him anxious to form a
>new group with his friend Adam. Falling in love with
>Adam’s lady had not been on the agenda, but the night
>he met Katie, Jay lost his heart. He wanted her more
>than he’d ever wanted anything; and what Jay wanted,
>Jay got.
>
>Katie thought the hurt she caused Adam was the worst
>thing she’d ever have to face. But losing the love of
>her life to the insidious pull of heroin addiction was
>a thousand times worse.
>
>After a year of trying to put her life back together
>after Jay walked out on her, Katie is thrown into
>confusion when he shows up on her doorstep clean,
>sober and ready to start over. She still loves him
>and wants him back, but he’ll have to prove she can
>trust him not to destroy her heart again.
Yepper! It's got the stage set, the cool London scene and lays out the story, telling just enough without giving too much up. I LIKE it!
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THANK you!!! *wipes brow* Condensing a 145k-word book into a 250-word letter to make an agent crave to read it is hard! -- Page, 19:39:20 04/10/10 Sat
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