Molly came to my rescue. Word count 653 -- Ladies of Lallybroch Literary Forum

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Date Posted: 15:19:59 05/22/10 Sat
Author:

debikm
Subject: Molly came to my rescue. Word count 653
In reply to: debikm 's message, "Time for some grist for the mill" on 20:55:45 05/14/10 Fri

This could fit anywhere in the storyline, but is probably after most of the events of Downtown Babylon. Not looking for a hard crit, just opinions or suggestions. This is pretty much how it fell out of my brain.

Excerpt from Downtown Babylon, copyright 2010 Debi Matlack, all rights reserved. Posted for critique and sharing purposes only, does not constitute publicat5ion.

Molly watched the burly guy at the corner table watching Lisa as she delivered drinks to nearby customers. He was drunk, sure enough, but it hadn�t impaired his predatory stare. Granted Lisa was quite a sight to see with her long legs and shape to die for, but his attention was more than appreciative. Molly, kept him in sight as she wiped the bar and drew a couple of drafts for Kelsey.

�You see that guy there?�

Kelsey didn�t have to look. �Dude gives me the creeps.�

�Keep an eye out for Lisa.�

�Already on it.�

Jimmy and Gil had picked up on Molly�s unease and gave the creepy patron an appraising look. He seemed oblivious to their scrutiny, intent on Lisa. As the barmaid moved closer to him, he slid back from the table, giving himself room. Molly dropped her towel on the bar.

�I can�t stand this any more.� As she headed toward the gap in the bar, Gil touched her arm.

�Do you want me to--?�

She shook her head. �Just watch and be ready in case it gets ugly.� He stepped back, clearly unhappy with her request but letting her handle it. Molly intercepted Lisa and took her tray. Under the hum of conversation and music, Molly leaned close so she could hear.

�Who is that guy?�

Lisa sighed, giving the big man a glance over Molly�s shoulder. �Ex-boyfriend.�

Molly nodded. �Go tend bar for awhile. I�ll take care of him.� Lisa shot her a grateful smile and wound her way through the Saturday evening crowd. Molly went straight to the man�s table and sat the beer in front of him. He looked up and gave Molly a narrowed glare.

�Drink your beer, on the house, then go. Lisa doesn�t want you here, stalking her.�

�What do you care, bitch?�

Molly bit her lips to stifle the instant retort and instead took a deep breath. "We take care of our own here. Just so you know, if we have this conversation, it's going to end badly for you. Consider that fair warning."

The man snorted in derision and stood, pushing the chair back with his knees. At his full height Molly was staring straight into his sternum. That didn�t matter; she�d taken down bigger than him. He loomed over her, obviously convinced that his sheer mass would intimidate her into backing down. Molly just smiled.

�Now you can just leave, no beer. I was being nice.�

�Yeah right. I�ll go when I�m damned good and ready.�

�Well, that better be right this second, �cause that�s the deal. You. Out.� She pointed toward the door, noting that, as always when an altercation was brewing, the conversations were hushed and the regulars were paying attention.

He bent down, close enough that Molly could smell his beery breath brush her hair.

�Make me.�

She pointed to the door again. �Get lost.�

�No.�

�Get out of my bar.�

�Fuck off.� He reached for her to shove her aside.

�I warned you.� One hand grabbed his thumb, the other went to his elbow. In an instant Molly had him on his knees. She looked down at him, eyes flickering toward the door.

�Get out of my bar.� She heard steps behind her and saw the guy�s gaze focus beyond her. He glanced at her and nodded once. She released his arm and stepped back, feeling Gil�s hand fall on her shoulder. Jimmy stood to her right and several of the regulars were fanned out behind.

The man got to his feet, gave them all a withering stare and strode with as much pride as he could muster toward the exit.

�Don�t come back now, y�hear?� Kelsey�s mocking farewell set the bar laughing and hastened the departure of the troublemaker. Molly felt a touch on her hand and saw Lisa nearby. The blonde girl leaned close so Molly could hear over the fading hilarity.

�Thanks.�

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Replies:

[> [> Hot dang! I loved this! >>> --

Page, 13:49:29 05/23/10 Sun

>Excerpt from Downtown Babylon, copyright 2010
>Debi Matlack, all rights reserved. Posted for critique
>and sharing purposes only, does not constitute
>publicat5ion.
>
>
>Molly watched the burly guy at the corner table
>watching Lisa as she delivered drinks to nearby
>customers. Two instances of watched/watching in this sentence. Maybe Molly could "keep an eye" on him, and eliminate one of them. He was drunk, sure enough, but it hadn�t
>impaired his predatory stare. Granted commaLisa was quite a
>sight to see with her long legs and shape to die for,
>but his attention was more than appreciative. Molly, no comma
>kept him in sight as she wiped the bar and drew a
>couple of drafts for Kelsey.
>
>�You see that guy there?�
>
>Kelsey didn�t have to look. �Dude gives me the creeps.�
I so love that Kelsey didn't even have to look to know exactly which guy Molly meant!

>�Keep an eye out for Lisa.�
>
>�Already on it.�
>
>Jimmy and Gil had picked up on Molly�s unease and gave
>the creepy patron an appraising look. And I love that everyone was so in tune with how the bar usually is that this guy caught all of their attention. Well done! He seemed
>oblivious to their scrutiny, intent on Lisa. As the
>barmaid moved closer to him, he slid back from the
>table, giving himself room. Molly dropped her towel on
>the bar.
>
>�I can�t stand this any more.� As she headed toward
>the gap in the bar, Gil touched her arm.
>
>�Do you want me to--?�
>
>She shook her head. �Just watch and be ready in case
>it gets ugly.� He stepped back, clearly unhappy with
>her request but letting her handle it. Molly
>intercepted Lisa and took her tray. Under the hum of
>conversation and music, Molly leaned close so she
>could hear.
>
>�Who is that guy?�
>
>Lisa sighed, giving the big man a glance over Molly�s
>shoulder. �Ex-boyfriend.�
>
>Molly nodded. �Go tend bar for awhile. I�ll take care
>of him.� Lisa shot her a grateful smile and wound her
>way through the Saturday evening crowd. Molly went
>straight to the man�s table and sat the beer in front
>of him. He looked up and gave Molly a narrowed glare.
>
>�Drink your beer, on the house, then go. Lisa doesn�t
>want you here, stalking her.�
>
>�What do you care, bitch?�
>
>Molly bit her lips to stifle the instant retort and
>instead took a deep breath. She has much better control than I would. Dude would be wearing that beer! *G* Good thing I don't own a bar! "We take care of our own
>here. Just so you know, if we have this conversation,
>it's going to end badly for you. Consider that fair
>warning."
>
>The man snorted in derision and stood, pushing the
>chair back with his knees. At his full height Molly
>was staring straight into his sternum. That didn�t
>matter; she�d taken down bigger than him. He loomed
>over her, obviously convinced that his sheer mass
>would intimidate her into backing down. Molly just
>smiled.
>
>�Now you can just leave, no beer. I was being nice.�
>
>�Yeah right. I�ll go when I�m damned good and ready.�
>
>�Well, that better be right this second, �cause that�s
>the deal. You. Out.� She pointed toward the door,
>noting that, as always when an altercation was
>brewing, the conversations were hushed and the
>regulars were paying attention.
>
>He bent down, close enough that Molly could smell his
>beery breath brush her hair.
>
>�Make me.�
>
>She pointed to the door again. �Get lost.�
>
>�No.�
>
>�Get out of my bar.�
>
>�Fuck off.� He reached for her to shove her aside.
>
>�I warned you.� One hand grabbed his thumb, the other
>went to his elbow. In an instant Molly had him on his
>knees. She looked down at him, eyes flickering toward
>the door.
>
>�Get out of my bar.� She heard steps behind her and
>saw the guy�s gaze focus beyond her. He glanced at her
>and nodded once. She released his arm and stepped
>back, feeling Gil�s hand fall on her shoulder. Jimmy
>stood to her right and several of the regulars were
>fanned out behind.
>
>The man got to his feet, gave them all a withering
>stare and strode with as much pride as he could muster
>toward the exit. Just after he's been brought to his knees - literally! - by a woman at least a foot shorter than he! Love it!
>
>�Don�t come back now, y�hear?� Kelsey�s mocking
>farewell set the bar laughing and hastened the
>departure of the troublemaker. Molly felt a touch on
>her hand and saw Lisa nearby. The blonde girl leaned
>close so Molly could hear over the fading hilarity.
>
>�Thanks.�

I love this little slice of life in Molly's bar! And I especially love how Molly handles herself in such a situation. It's also great how Gil and Jimmy (and the regulars) didn't try to interfere to "save the little lady," but knew she could take care of it. Wonderful!

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[> [> [> VBG... Thanks! --

debikm, 16:18:05 05/23/10 Sun

>I love this little slice of life in Molly's bar!
>And I especially love how Molly handles herself in
>such a situation. It's also great how Gil and Jimmy
>(and the regulars) didn't try to interfere to "save
>the little lady," but knew she could take care of it.
>Wonderful!

Gil has learned his lesson in the past with Molly and interfereing with how she runs her bar. If the guy had actually hit her, they would have had to call an ambulance for him. Eventually. Maybe once he stopped bleeding. Because all bleeding stops eventually.;-) Yep, hers is the typical neighborhood tavern, that's more like hanging out at someone's house than a bar. The kind of place I'd like to hang out. Glad you enjoyed it!

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