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Date Posted: 14:54:07 03/21/10 Sun
Author:

debikm
Subject: Hooray!!!
In reply to: susiej 's message, "Teacher! Teacher, look. I did my homework! >>>>" on 14:19:49 03/21/10 Sun

Nice sparring match! I'm thinking Eryna won that round. And I like that she was able to stare at Rose while simultaneously hoeing in the garden. A handy skill to have. My only glitch is that you wobble between Rose's and Eryna's point of view. It starts with Rose and goes between them a few times, just enough to make me stop and look at it again. Otherwise, it's good dialogue, showing the action in between. Nice!

Last edited by author: Sun March 21, 2010 14:55:35 Edited 1 time.

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[> [> [> Arg! I even tried to work on that POV slippage. To show you how bad I am about it, I can't exactly tell where you mean except the bit about Rose would've thrown the hoe at her- I've been wondering how to change that. Where else? --

susiej, 17:33:25 03/21/10 Sun

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