Re: Public spectacles >>>>> -- Ladies of Lallybroch Literary Forum

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Date Posted: 12:31:54 03/23/10 Tue
Author:

susiej
Subject: Re: Public spectacles >>>>>
In reply to: Page 's message, "Public spectacles >>>>>" on 22:49:16 03/22/10 Mon

I think that will get rid of the bold. I had a hard time following what others had said but I agree with Alex about Neil Preston- sorry, don't know him, but I think you must mean someone along the lines of Mick Jagger?

I didn't really get the candle line either- but I used context.

I also agree on dropping the "without calculation" line because it seems sort of calculated, but I guess were suppose to think she's just that suggestive naturally?

And one more- "passing thought" of leprechaun. Just say he looked like a leprechaun- don't have to tell us its a thought- if were in her POV, we know that it's her thought. Right?

Otherwise, I really enjoyed it. And second Larn on how well you write hot guys- pant, pant.

Was just in Pat OBrien's in Oct. My husband drank so many Hurricanes he woke up in the night and drank a half filled water glass which, unfortunately held my contacts as I'd forgotten my case. Good thing I always pack a spare pair!

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Replies:

[> [> [> A couple of explanations >>> --

Page, 21:59:37 03/23/10 Tue

>
>
>I think that will get rid of the bold. I had a hard
>time following what others had said but I agree with
>Alex about Neil Preston- sorry, don't know him, but I
>think you must mean someone along the lines of Mick
>Jagger?
>
>I didn't really get the candle line either- but I used
>context.

It's meant to convey that Sherry isn't impressed with the way Mike lights his subjects when he takes photos. After Alex pointed it out, I realized I can bring that out when Sherry and Mike first meet, and she realizes who he is. Then, hopefully, by the time we get to this point it'll make sense.
>
>I also agree on dropping the "without calculation"
>line because it seems sort of calculated, but I guess
>were suppose to think she's just that suggestive
>naturally?

Actually, she just wasn't thinking about it being suggestive. She'd already done it with her orange slice, and I just saw her doing the same with the cherry. That's why I added the "without calculation," but y'all are right. It tends to make it, well, calculated, like you said. I'm going to work on this bit.
>
>And one more- "passing thought" of leprechaun. Just
>say he looked like a leprechaun- don't have to tell us
>its a thought- if were in her POV, we know that it's
>her thought. Right?

You're right. Another case of overwriting on my part. Ah, I just love words! *G*
>
>Otherwise, I really enjoyed it. And second Larn on how
>well you write hot guys- pant, pant.

Thank you! I do love my hot guys. *G*
>
>Was just in Pat OBrien's in Oct. My husband drank so
>many Hurricanes he woke up in the night and drank a
>half filled water glass which, unfortunately held my
>contacts as I'd forgotten my case. Good thing I always
>pack a spare pair!

Bwahahaha! OMG, that's too funny. I'll bet it didn't help his queasiness a bit to find out he'd swallowed a couple of Acu-Vue! Bless his heart!

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[> [> [> [> yea, he blamed my contacts for the reason he threw up in the morning, but I say that wasn't the real reason. --

susiej, 22:08:16 03/23/10 Tue

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