You're so right. How's this one? >>> -- Ladies of Lallybroch Literary Forum

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Date Posted: 16:40:48 04/10/10 Sat
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Subject: You're so right. How's this one? >>>
In reply to: debikm 's message, "Re: That damned query letter >>>>" on 13:13:21 04/10/10 Sat

I don't mind revising it, because it's the only thing I have to pique an agent's interest. I agree with you about its not telling the main part of the story. (I just came up with that hook line and couldn't shake it. *G*)

What do you think about this one:

Flower child Katie Scott always thought falling in love at first sight was nothing more than a trite phrase. Until it happened to her. Twice.

Fleeing the aftermath of Haight-Ashbury�s Summer of Love, Katie arrived in England to check out the scene in swinging London. She hadn�t been there twenty-four hours before she fell for charismatic rock singer Adam Greene. She couldn�t imagine a life more idyllic than the one they shared in the bohemian neighborhood of Ladbroke Grove until Adam introduced her to his best friend, British guitar god Jay Carey. One look into Jay's mesmerizing eyes and Katie knew she was in trouble.

The break-up of Jay�s band left him anxious to form a new group with his friend Adam. Falling in love with Adam�s lady had not been on the agenda, but the night he met Katie, Jay lost his heart. He wanted her more than he�d ever wanted anything; and what Jay wanted, Jay got.

Katie thought the hurt she caused Adam was the worst thing she�d ever have to face. But losing the love of her life to the insidious pull of heroin addiction was a thousand times worse.

After a year of trying to put her life back together after Jay walked out on her, Katie is thrown into confusion when he shows up on her doorstep clean, sober and ready to start over. She still loves him and wants him back, but he�ll have to prove she can trust him not to destroy her heart again.

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Replies:

[> [> [> [> Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! --

debikm, 18:31:20 04/10/10 Sat

>I don't mind revising it, because it's the only thing
>I have to pique an agent's interest. I agree with you
>about its not telling the main part of the story. (I
>just came up with that hook line and couldn't shake
>it. *G*)
>
>What do you think about this one:
>
>Flower child Katie Scott always thought falling in
>love at first sight was nothing more than a trite
>phrase. Until it happened to her. Twice.
>
>Fleeing the aftermath of Haight-Ashbury�s Summer of
>Love, Katie arrived in England to check out the scene
>in swinging London. She hadn�t been there twenty-four
>hours before she fell for charismatic rock singer Adam
>Greene. She couldn�t imagine a life more idyllic than
>the one they shared in the bohemian neighborhood of
>Ladbroke Grove until Adam introduced her to his best
>friend, British guitar god Jay Carey. One look into
>Jay's mesmerizing eyes and Katie knew she was in
>trouble.
>
>The break-up of Jay�s band left him anxious to form a
>new group with his friend Adam. Falling in love with
>Adam�s lady had not been on the agenda, but the night
>he met Katie, Jay lost his heart. He wanted her more
>than he�d ever wanted anything; and what Jay wanted,
>Jay got.
>
>Katie thought the hurt she caused Adam was the worst
>thing she�d ever have to face. But losing the love of
>her life to the insidious pull of heroin addiction was
>a thousand times worse.
>
>After a year of trying to put her life back together
>after Jay walked out on her, Katie is thrown into
>confusion when he shows up on her doorstep clean,
>sober and ready to start over. She still loves him
>and wants him back, but he�ll have to prove she can
>trust him not to destroy her heart again.

Yepper! It's got the stage set, the cool London scene and lays out the story, telling just enough without giving too much up. I LIKE it!

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[> [> [> [> [> THANK you!!! *wipes brow* Condensing a 145k-word book into a 250-word letter to make an agent crave to read it is hard! --

Page, 19:39:20 04/10/10 Sat

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