Date Posted:19:53:37 12/17/09 Thu Author:Page Subject: Oh, you betcha it works! >>> In reply to:
Larn
's message, "Action here!" on 19:24:24 12/16/09 Wed
You nailed getting the visuals across! I could literally see the land, see it sloping up, see the grove where the two fugitives tried to hide. Great job!
And the action...OMG. I don't think I breathed once from the time Big Joe bolted until the end. And then I cried a little. Man, oh man, Larn. What a writer you are!
I noticed a couple of typos:
"...a half-strength cup of Megs’s coffee and an apple..."
I forget if her name is Meg or Megs, but even if it's Megs, shouldn't it be Megs'? Those possessive apostrophe thingies always trip me up, so ignore me if I'm wrong.
"He running downhill, and on a collision course ..." He was running, or he ran?
"...giving the big horse slack so he could breath." Breathe.
"..scattering the oncoming groups of horses, heedless of where the went. I could only thing of Andy." They, and Think.
Thanks so much for the eyes, guys. I've been a bit on the short side of time, but your notes are invaluable.
The blackberry bushes are now chokeberry bushes (though the blackberry bush by my old apartment was literally larger than my house, so they can get big enough). Roll backs are explained earlier, when Emma can't get Timber to do one. Thursday is Mike's horse (like the joke? Mike's a dork at heart, I think).
I have no idea what to do with pluralizing dear old Megs. She's been a bit of a challenge in other places, too. Crazy nut won't behave. She keeps breaking plates.
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