Date Posted:10:55:17 02/12/10 Fri Author: Alex Subject: Re: Doing my homework, like a good girl ;-) In reply to:
Debi
's message, "Doing my homework, like a good girl ;-)" on 12:06:21 02/07/10 Sun
Read through this an enjoyed, Debi! Table full of people and who was talking was never in doubt. Pat yourself on the back. *s* Not an easy thing to do! I do have a suggestion though. Food for thought.
When Ben spoke up to his mother, I wondered why he wasn't firmer. Having to face your own mortality has a way of putting all the superfluous daily BS in perspective. You don't have the luxury of letting an opportunity slip by. Ben's mother and sister don't get that. Ben does. He's changed. That's why he invited Val, right? To make peace? Amends? Now, changing his mom's behavior is a can of worms too big to tackle, but bringing her up short, and making her aware that life isn't business as usual, is in his power. Same goes for Valerie. Ben's stand gives her an epiphany? Snaps her out of her own emotional maelstrom to realize she might never see him alive again? You could also put some details in there, where V notices the toll the cancer and treatment has taken on him. Old habits broken? Closure and peace between them instead of unfinished business? *shrug* That's my two cents. Love the ending though. Don't mess with that. *s* And thanks for sharing!
>Read through this an enjoyed, Debi! Table full of
>people and who was talking was never in doubt. Pat
>yourself on the back. *s* Not an easy thing to do! I
>do have a suggestion though. Food for thought.
>
>When Ben spoke up to his mother, I wondered why he
>wasn't firmer. Having to face your own mortality has a
>way of putting all the superfluous daily BS in
>perspective. You don't have the luxury of letting an
>opportunity slip by. Ben's mother and sister don't get
>that. Ben does. He's changed. That's why he invited
>Val, right? To make peace? Amends? Now, changing his
>mom's behavior is a can of worms too big to tackle,
>but bringing her up short, and making her aware that
>life isn't business as usual, is in his power.
>Same goes for Valerie. Ben's stand gives her an
>epiphany? Snaps her out of her own emotional maelstrom
>to realize she might never see him alive again? You
>could also put some details in there, where V notices
>the toll the cancer and treatment has taken on him.
>Old habits broken? Closure and peace between them
>instead of unfinished business? *shrug* That's my two
>cents. Love the ending though. Don't mess with
>that. *s* And thanks for sharing!
The scene the way I've imagined it was a bit more involved, with Ben standing up to his mother more forcefully in front of Valerie and Daniel, but somehow, when rattling the scene out, it ended before I worked that in. Excellent ideas to supplement that revelation, because Valerie would be proud of Ben for finally growing a spine with his mother and she would be just as happy to have witnessed it. Yes, Ben needs more.
Thank you!
