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Date Posted: 15:58:50 11/13/09 Fri
Author: Esther
Subject: Apologies >>>
In reply to: Esther 's message, "Where to start?" on 15:51:13 11/13/09 Fri

Okay. I�ve started to write this a dozen times or so, and as I expected, it feels like I�m making excuses. The truth is I haven�t been contributing. I won�t go into the details, but I will say that I think I�m coming out of the funk I seem to be stuck in and am in a better frame of mind to respond. I won�t guarantee that I�ll get to the past posts, but I�ll try to get to the new ones.

And I feel terrible that I didn�t even respond to the replies I received before they scrolled off the board.

So, I�ll at least do that here. Page, Debi and Dea, I went into the archives and copied your replies here with my replies to your comments if you�re interested. I�ve bolded your names for quick reference�

Page

>>And thank you for making him vulnerable, which
>>makes him even more irresistble, a thing I didn't
>>think possible. Now I not only want to throw down
>>with him, but then take him home afterward and feed
>>him pie. *G*
>>
>>LOL YW!
>>
>>Funny thing though. Fallon doesn�t eat�pie.
>>*G*
>
>Erhem. At the risk of being lewd (who, me??),
>Fallon can eat anything he wants....

Okay. Let�s see. How about this...Take the H off Heather, and split the remaining six letters in the centre� ;-)
>>
>>Excerpt from working title �Mirrors�
>>by E.M. Sawatzky � 2009 All rights reserved.
>>Posted for critiquing purposes only and does not
>>constitute publication.
>>
>>
>
>>
>>Well, fine. Narcissistic, egotistical males. A
>>strange woman messing around in my head? This was so
>>not happening.
>>
>>I love this thought of Heather's!
>>
>>Yeah. I did too. But then I took the swear
>>words out and�it�s just not the same *G*
>
>Just wondering...why the edit?

Just trying to control the word count. And get the point across without using the f word every five seconds. *G* And really, as you liked it as is, it wasn�t really necessary.
>>
>>>
>>Worse now, because Fallon lived in me. In addition to
>>what I felt, he now contended with the backlash of
>>what Darian had living inside him. His anguish
>>tripled because of my whim. My hasty actions ensured
>>Darian would have a chance at the cost of Fallon�s
>>existence.
>>
>>I must confess this last paragraph lost me.
>>
>>Well�hmmmm�that wasn�t suppost to
>>happen�okay�let�s test my theory *G*
>>
>>Darian lives _for_ her, Fallon lives _in_ her.
>>Fallon�s first sentence in this scene was a hint that
>>Darian had the power to stop the pain for all of them.
>> But Darian didn�t do it, because his nature doesn�t
>>allow him to do anything against Heather�s wishes.
>>Fallon suffers no such compunction. In the meantime
>>though, Heather thought to end it, and she knows she
>>can because of the time Darian gave her unfettered
>>access to his power. Lisha, told Heather she was
>>causing their distress and Heather acted without
>>thinking. In the meantime, Fallon, who has that
>>engaging twin of perception, anticipated her acting
>>just thus and waited, and then when the opportunity
>>presented itself, took the pain she had, as well as
>>the pain she assumed from Darian, into himself. Now
>>the trouble is that Darian�s temperament and Fallon�s
>>personality clash. Darian gives. Fallon takes. And
>>that thoughtfulness, the absolute purity of heart
>>Darian possesses, now that its _in_ Fallon, makes
>>Fallon see his strength as failing and consequently,
>>makes him weak. And weak immortals are
>>vulnerable.
>>
>Aha, aha, aHA! Methinks I get it now. So our
>Fallon can feel more than physical release now. He
>feels Darian's pain because Heather feels it. Okay,
>making sense now.

Cool!
>>
>>
>>
>>His lashes flickered open, and with utter
>>ruthlessness, Darian sought the reflections.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>Darian is love, and yes, as corny as that is, he is
>>everything that is good in the world. But he is not
>>the perfect man, nor does he exist to satisfy a woman
>>who seeks pleasure. He exists to satisfy the heart�s
>>desire. I think the confusion comes in cause
>>Heather�s heart�s desire was to have Darian as her
>>lover, fantasy and dream. *G*
>>
>>Fallon is lust, and no, he is not everything that is
>>evil, because this is not a story about good kissing
>>evil�s gorgeous backside before kicking it out the
>>door as bad. Fallon�s motives are as pure as
>>Darian�s, it�s just that he exists to service those
>>women whose desires stray beyond their own comfort
>>level. Basically, everything you said. *G* With the
>>distinction that the fantasy doesn�t matter.
>>Dominant. Submissive. One. Two. Three. Fallon,
>>can and does, enjoy swinging both ways and everything
>>in between.
>>
>>I guess it can be summed up as Darian services the
>>psychological and Fallon services the physical.
>>
>
>Oh, oh, oh!! I understand now!
>>
>>But. And here's where I get lost. Fallon claimed
>>Heather as his, even before she was born, which was
>>obviously a big no-no in their world. And then sent
>>Darian to show Heather that world existed? Is it
>>because Darian sent her back that's causing the
>>problems? Would Fallon have come to her sooner if
>>Darian hadn't sent her back? I'm also getting a Harry
>>Potter like "one cannot live while the other survives"
>>feel, and I don't understand why.
>>
>>Fallon claimed Heather when she was conceived to
>>protect her from their world, and because to do so
>>means he could exist inside her. And really what
>>better place to ensure her needs/wants were being met
>>and that she was safe?
>>
>>He sent her to Darian true. His reasons for doing so
>>are many, but mainly because he knew Heather�s
>>potential and he suspected his brother�s solitary life
>>with no one to love was making/keeping him weak.
>>Which it was by the way. But Fallon also expected
>>Darian to recognize her for what she was and claim her
>>himself, because loop holes always exist in a world
>>that can be anything you want to make it. Right? And
>>Darian could live and not just exist. He could
>>protect her. Openly. Without judgement or
>>consequence.
>
>Oh! He claimed her so Darian could have her
>when she was grown! Bless his pointed little
>head.
>>
>>Would Fallon have come to her sooner if Darian hadn�t
>>sent her back? No. He wouldn�t have come to her at
>>all. Cause, you see, until Fallon scented her need,
>>he didn�t want her. His magic is only called upon
>>when there is need and so he did not exist for her
>>until feelings of lust became her reality as well.
>>And as we�ve seen, there is more to Heather than even
>>Fallon suspected, so now he�s as susceptible to her
>>whims as Darian is.
>>
>>As for the Harry Potter �one cannot live while the
>>other survives� feel, I gotta say this has me smiling.
>> I can see where it�s coming from, I think *G*, and
>>love the implications. Can�t say any more than that.
>>*G*
>
>Are you going to....are they going to....can they
>do that? But, but...can't she just have both
>of them? I'd be quite willing to give it a test run
>for her, just to make sure it would work...Y'know.

LOL Test drives in this world are permanent. *G*
>>
>>I guess the main thing that's confusing me is this --
>>if they're so all powerful, then why is it possible
>>for her to hurt them? And if Fallon claimed her, why
>>would it hurt Darian if she chose Fallon?
>>
>>Why is it possible for her to hurt them? Easy.
>>Cause individually, they can�t satisfy her and really
>>that is why they exist. She�s unhappy. They hurt.
>
>>
>>And if Fallon claimed her, why would it hurt Darian if
>>she chose Fallon? Easy. Because being with Heather
>>has brought Darian to a higher awareness of his full
>>power, his full potential. How can love love, if he
>>only feels heartbreak?
>
>Okay, and now Fallon can feel that, too, right?
>And since Heather loves him, and he can't really love
>back, he's not satisfying her. And Darian...but he's
>proved he just might be able to satisfy her the way
>Fallon can. Or am I getting that wrong?

That�s about right. Darian isn�t going to back down. He can�t because of Heather�s needs. And Fallon now recognizes what her feelings are, so he can�t just hand her off and call it done.
>>

Debi

>>Okay, last time we left Darian and Fallon in a state
>>of painful misery. And we discovered that Darian and
>>Fallon had a sister, Lisha, who blamed Heather for
>>what was happening. So...Heather makes a choice...
>>
>>
>>Excerpt from working title �Mirrors�
>>by E.M. Sawatzky � 2009 All rights reserved.
>>Posted for critiquing purposes only and does not
>>constitute publication.
>>
>>
>>
>>Cadmus�s resigned eyes met mine. �I warned you. It�s
>>a battle neither can win, but which neither can give
>>up.�
>Painted in a corner..?

Kinda like being stuck between a rock and a hard place ;-)
>>
>>With the little I felt of it, I concentrated on the
>>pain, drawing it inward, imagining it as a tangible
>>being, growing with purpose, feasting on my essence,
>>consuming me until it wanted only what I possessed.
>>Taunted with what it couldn�t have, it came sizzling
>>toward me with the intent to incinerate my physical
>>form to ashes.
>I'm with Page, this description makes the pain a
>monster unto itself.

Thanks!
>>
>>I felt the tension ease in their bodies; I heard their
>>simultaneous denials.
>
>Maybe that'll be good for them, for them both to
>realize how powerful she is, let them see things from
>her perspective a bit.

Hmmmm I wonder if that�s possible�.*G*
>>
>>Once again I was drowning in Fallon�s eyes. He had
>>crawled to me, wanting to take the sensation of agony
>>away, he was attempting to draw himself in. I blanked
>>my thoughts, a white canvas waiting for creation.
>>Again the universe we existed in shifted. Snow
>>settled on our shoulders, our breath came out as a
>>visible vapour. Damp from his sweat, his hair froze,
>>becoming as unmovable as a snow-capped mountain. Our
>>lashes tinged white. Darian�s lips tinted blue, all
>>our exposed skin was in danger of frost-bite. It was
>>winter and the scent of pine told me we were in the
>>woods.
>Weird question here: do the settings they shift to
>have any significance, or are they just random, picked
>by the intensity and randomness of the magic being
>used? Winter is bleak, can be painful, but also is a
>symbol for the setting aside of the old in favor of
>the new to come in spring... or am I reading way too
>much into this?

Not a weird question at all. And you gotta know that I wonder this myself. I mean some of them are quite deliberate. Darian�s mirrors. The drowning in Fallon�s eyes. The hell that represents Cadmus. Kisses that transcend the clouds. Those are quite vivid images and sensations that preexist for me and I am able to use at my whim. Now the winter here? Came right out of the blue. I�m thinking because it was a barren image. And for Heather, at this point she is unable to completely forget the �real� world, so she kinda stamps her thoughts onto the reality that exists now. And for those around her, it�s unpredictable and seems random. But it�s not. Not really, because she has a reason for her thoughts, and as her power grows and becomes more hers and relies less on Darian�s and Fallon�s, it will have more direction. Right now, she�s like a child dabbling in finger paint, but when she understands, the canvas she�ll be able to create will be awash with all the talent of a true artist. And how�s that for not answering and if anything confusing things even more? *G*
>>
>>Warmth, as necessary as breathing, brought the
>>conception of a blazing fire. We all sighed in
>>relief. But then our breather breaths?
>breathing? had to put out the
>>inferno, the forest fire that sucked all oxygen from
>>our lungs and threatened our escape. So it got out
>of control that quickly? Or a symbol for the chaotic
>situation they find themselves in? I'm probably
>thinking too much.;-) Wasted energy
>>drained my purpose. Like a fly caught in a spider�s
>>web, I struggled, closing myself off to the visual and
>>concentrating on the emotional.

Yup. She needs to learn control. *G* And I love that it seems symbolic!
>>
>>Darian�s acceptance as his skin burned while he
>>shimmered through a mirror. Fallon�s frustration as
>>he fought to meet his brother; restricted to the
>>opposing side he never stopped trying. Darian, whose
>>love for women turned him into a slave for the needs
>>of others. Fallon, his lust for the same, was the
>>chain that bound him to the wants of those that would
>>use him. Each a powerful being in control of who they
>>would serve. Each a vulnerable male exposed to the
>>whims of those weaker.
>Quite a divergance of ideas; powerful but weak, in
>control but enslaved. I like the contrast.

Thank you!
>>
>>The swirling ramifications inside me came to a stop
>>and I understood. Too late I recognized the pain from
>>each; the regrets of the past, the lost hopes for the
>>future. Their wishes and dreams shattered because of
>>my ignorance.
>Her ignorance? Is her accepting and channelling
>their pain doing something specific, or is this a
>larger ignorance that is hurting them?

Hmmmm It�s a little of both.
>>
>>
>>Darian relaxed, the tension leaving his body, and he
>>lay at my side, an image of a being exhausted from
>>effort. Everything and nothing, My Heart. You
>>kiss him. Caress him. Tease him. Torment him with
>>your touch. Invoke his lust. Make him forget
>>everything but how much he needs to pleasure you.
>>
>>�Sex? That�s your solution?� You think he needs
>>to get a little grind going on and he�ll be all
>>better? Right to the point; that's my
>girl!On cue, Fallon turned toward me, his body
>>shifting as if uncomfortable.

LOL Well woman�s intuition and all that *G*
>>

>>His lashes flickered open, and with utter
>>ruthlessness, Darian sought the reflections.
>AWesome scene between the two brothers! Darian can
>be the musky, dominant male too! Woo hoo! But dear,
>Fallon. This is still quite a mess to be untangled. I
>eagerly await the next installment!

Thanks Debi!

Dea

>at last i could follow their inner dialogue without
>getting lost! i understand now that this universe
>demands a lot deeper immersion than a few excerpts
>would allow. something tells me that we�ll only
>understand everything when we read the book.

Thanks for the clarification! I might get this dialogue thing yet. *G* And as for understanding this world, I think part of the problem is what it is on the lit. Just little bits and pieces posted sometimes with huge times between the posts. It�s hard to remember what�s going on at the best of times, but with the more subtle clues being lost in memory, it is confusing. Not that I don�t have my own issues with this, but it doesn�t help *G*

but now i
>have come to terms with what i don�t understand with a
>more subtle approach: i just let myself go. with the
>first read, without reading your comments, i abandoned
>myself in their dilemma and the feeling came to me.

Woo hoo!

>somehow it was clear to me, like when you focus your
>vision to be able to see an image hidden in a
>stereogram. for the first time it was clear to me that
>Damian is trying to save Fallon by defying him to
>fight. it reminds me of when Claire is struggling to
>save Jamie�s life and she appears to him as Jack
>Randall and challenges him to live, if not out of
>will, at least out of rage. it�s an act of love. Even

Cool! Hopefully this idea can be carried forward. ;-)

>the sex makes sense. there�s always too much sex
>:-)))) all the sex hides the love, but i guess that�s
>the intention. maybe that�s what Heather�s strength is
>all about. after all she loves them both. and love is
>the most powerful force of change. but then again i
>may be wrong�

Well�not totally wrong. You�re very close in fact. But love is not Heather�s power. Love is blind and Darian can�t see. Fallon is lust in all its connotations, including all the physical ramifications and the more intimate supplications. Heather�s magic is something that so far has been denied, because to accept it, is to give her control. She�s a half-mortal with the strength to tear both her worlds apart. Through the mirror image, she will cast her reflections.

Thanks for your comments Dea! You always get me thinking

I'll do better next time

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[> [> Alphabetically is good! >>>> --

Page, 23:36:42 11/13/09 Fri

I'm glad to hear your funk is lifting, and things are looking up in your corner! I'm sending good vibes your way, even as I write. We all miss you, but do understand that other things take precedence over our obsessive lust...er, interest in Fallon, so don't feel bad when you have to take a leave of absence.

I'm so glad I'm finally starting to "get" the world in which Darian and Fallon exist. I feel as if I've solved a Rubik's cube, something I've never been able to do. Of course, this makes me even more hungry to read more, you understand. *G*

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[> [> [> What Page said... -- Debi, 09:55:11 11/14/09 Sat

Happy to see you when you come, even if it is just little bits. Hope everything continues to improve and if there is anything I can do, please let me know. At the very least, I'm good for comic relief.;-)

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