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Date Posted: 22:48:33 05/26/01 Sat
Author: Rich
Subject: I'm disappointed with the new contestants already, Grigg. They seem such demographic-led choices, just there to sell the ads. See what you think:

Big Grigger Series Two

NAME: Bobby Zee, 38. The macho laddish one who thinks he's God's gift. NAME: Derrick Griffiths, 43. The token black guy who looks certain to get bossy before the show's over. QUOTE: 'Heads and tails, and whiskers on their nose. Heads and tails here we go - belowbappabappabowbowbow!' NAME: Shazza the Zygon, 26. The token slapper. QUOTE: 'I've got a big gob, big tits and a big fat fanny' NAME: Helen Grosvenor, 22. The snobby one. The reincarnation of an aincent Egyptian priestess, in her life outside of Big Grigger she's shagging Imhotep, a fossiled Mummy many centuries her senior. QUOTE: 'I don't notice the age difference, though I will miss Imhotep now I'm going to be inside Big Grigger' NAME: Jim Jimmer, 23. The token gay one. QUOTE: 'Michael is innocent.' NAME: Helen Daniels, 83. The boring bitch who's a born-again Christian. QUOTE: 'I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't swear. You know, all the fun things in life?' NAME: Jemima from Playschool. The token Asian contestant. Gobby Geordie Northerner. QUOTE: 'Wi ay, yer fookin' bastard, fancy a fight, like?' NAME: Bernie Clifton. The irritating, laddish fuckwit. QUOTE: 'Exqwese me, ere, fancy a shag? Easy! Ding dong! Wikkid! Hahahahahahahahaha!' PLEASE let this guy be the first to be voted out. I HATE him!!! NAME: Grigg Grigger, 25. Market researcher for Richard Branson and part-time table dancer. QUOTE: 'You'll pardon me if I talk bollocks' NAME: Ron Mulley. The posh one with the ego. Big Grigger's producers are praying he will be the new Malicious Mick of the series. QUOTE: 'I went to Eton, I love myself, and fuck the lot of you! Oh, and don't slag off Marching Against Time.'


This time Big Grigger will be springing a lot of surprises. One of those surprises will be that when the first contestant is voted out, another will be voted in. Three contestants are available to choose from:

Tosh - "I'm a muscly gay bloke that talks shite. Vote for me, love."

Flan - "I'm a bossy, brassy old slag who loves up it up the cacker."

Shatasha - "I love myself and I've got a right chip on my shoulder. Wanna make something of it?"

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