It's Week One on <I>Big Grigger</i>, and the housemates have been given an assignment... to take a bucket of the horseshite that comes out of Grigg's mouth and light it for a whole week... yet ructions are already apparent in the Big Grigger household... -- Griff's Movie Review Message Board

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Date Posted: 00:22:45 06/02/01 Sat
Author: Rich
Subject: It's Week One on Big Grigger, and the housemates have been given an assignment... to take a bucket of the horseshite that comes out of Grigg's mouth and light it for a whole week... yet ructions are already apparent in the Big Grigger household...

'I'm getting really fucked off already with people not remembering my name. It's Jamilla this, Jatina that, Justine this. I mean, have these fuckers never met a soft toy from Playschool before? And if that Shazza the Zygon gets my name wrong one more time I'll go fucking ballistic!' NOMINATIONS: Shazza the Zygon, Bernie Clifton

'I'm getting really fucked off already with people not remembering my name. It's Jamilla this, Jatina that, Justine this. I mean, have these fuckers never met a soft toy from Playschool before? And if that Shazza the Zygon gets my name wrong one more time I'll go fucking ballistic!' NOMINATIONS: Shazza the Zygon, Bernie Clifton

'Oh, boo hoo hoo! It was my turn to watch over the bucket of Grigg's horseshit and I forgot and let it go out. Oh, boo hoo hoo!' NOMINATIONS: Bernie Clifton, Jemima

'I admit it, I am a real bitch. I just love to see the rise in a man's pants as he gets turned on by my sexy dancing.' NOMINATIONS: Helen Daniels, and - surprise vote! - Bobby Zee!

'I'd like to nominate Shazza the Zygon, and also Grigg Grigger, who really gets on my nerves with his constant sychophantic attitude. I thought we'd hit it off, but in real life I hate his fucking guts'

'Yeah, I admit it - I'm the boring one with the smallest tits, so who cares if I go or not?' NOMINATIONS: Helen Daniels, Shazza the Zygon

'Wahey! Look out for my ostrich! Wikkid! Geeza! No, don't talk to me any more, I've gone on a mood swing. I like to pretend I'm a happy guy, but when it comes down to it I have bigger mardies than even Grigg himself' NOMINATIONS: Bobby Zee, Helen Daniels

'Sorry, Helen Daniels, do you want to repeat that 'fuck you, Marching Against Time?' comment you just made? How can you judge that film, who are you to judge? Motheeeeeer!' NOMINATIONS: Helen Daniels, Jemima

'Oooh, I seem to be getting on with everyone to be honest.' NOMINATIONS: Shazza the Zygon, Helen Grosvenor

'I just wish these fuckers would do what I say. I mean, I got my tits out, what more do you want?' NOMINATIONS: Shazza the Zygon, Grigg Grigger

'Skibababeeeppp... heads and tails, yeaaaaaaaaah!' NOMINATIONS: Helen Daniels, Jemima

I also made a mistake last week in saying the choice of contestant to be voted in was a choice between Tosh, Flan and Shatasha. I've checked with the producers of Big Grigger and the real finalists are:

Al Pacino: "Let me in the Big Grigger household and I promise I'll show you I got a GREAT ASS! Hoo-haa! Fergeddaboudid!"

Mr.T.: "I don't like no jibber-jabber, I'm a doer. Let me in that house and I'll be a great listener. But if they don't listen to Mr.T., I'll pity the fools!"

Leo Sayer: "Hi, it's me, Mr.Leo Sayer. Are you one of my many fans that wants my photo? I think you are! Let me in the house and I, Mr.Leo Sayer, will make you feel like dancing."

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Replies:

I just phoned in (I'm going to play this year) to get Helen out of the house... I mean, what has she done? Penny's shown us her fanny and pissed off everyone and been always watchable... Helen's just irritating. Penny said she'd shag someone to win... good on yer, gal! I mean, what do you expect, Al Pacino?Well it turns out that the audience of Big Grigger did, as Al's been voted in next week, to take the place of either Shazza the Zygon or Helen Daniels, who received the most nominations (NT) -- Where are you Grigg?, 00:28:26 06/02/01 Sat
- Smelly arse! (NT) -- Rich, 11:56:22 06/02/01 Sat
  - Sorry I wasn't on last night, Billy got back and we went out on a celebratory all-night pub crawl. Oh, all right then, we watched Fraggle Rock and had a natter really. Interesting developments in Big Grigger there... I hope Mr. T gets in, cos it's been a while since we heard from him. I got your parcel this morning!! I get parcels from you more often than we get our papers these days! Nice one chief, I'm quite looking forward to 'em actually. (NT) -- Griff, 14:29:14 06/02/01 Sat
    - Anyway, Billy brought me back four movies I'm gonna watch tomorrow and Monday before copying 'em off and sending you that tape at last. Do you want to see Run Lola Run? It's cracking, I reckon you'll like it. Hit the secret clicker for a load of boring shite... -- Griff, 14:36:57 06/02/01 Sat
      - Oh yeah, I also saw The Rage: Carrie 2 last night and did notes for it so I can do yet another review this week! It wasn't as bad as most people made out but it sticks to the original pretty closely. I didn't much like the original either, so I don't really care how naff it is, but it gets a ** from fountain-of-wisdom me. (NT) -- Griff, 14:54:22 06/02/01 Sat
        Oops, misread that first reply - what, no Mr. T? I'm outraged, I phoned a hundred times to get him in!! Has Helen in BB2 got a really dopey face or what? (NT) -- Griff, 14:56:50 06/02/01 Sat
      - You cruel bastard! Grigg's "Films I've seen on SKY that you haven't got" round-up! Boo-hoo! Yeah, that Helen's a silly cow, though I probably do her from behind. I did mention I'm playing this year, didn't I? Registered my call to get her out. Penny's more likely to show us her fanny. (NT) -- Rich, 16:01:17 06/02/01 Sat
        Are you still watching it, Grigg? That Bubble doesn't seem as bad as I thought, he's calmed down, though is still a twat... just not as big a one as I initially thought. And Stewart isn't the total wanker I thought he would be, either. Still an arse, though. Amma really gets on my nerves, she's gotta be the first to go, then Liz cos her tits are the smallest. Favourites so far are Brian and Dean. Brian working out that their nominations were live last night was cool. (NT) -- Rich, 16:06:25 06/02/01 Sat
        Sky, Sky, Sky Sky Sky, Skyskyskysky..... Sky!!! I've got Sky, Rich, have you? Har har! Up yours! DO YOU WANT RUN LOLA RUN, MR. IGNORO?!!! Bloody hell, what does it take to get an answer round this place? I got the new Total Film today, it's got a CD-Rom with the Planet of the Apes trailer on it. Sky! It's so good to have Billy back, and I've only got one more day of (Sky) work left and then I've got (Sky) two weeks off! God, I can't wait. Sky! (NT) -- Griff, 18:47:06 06/02/01 Sat
        So are you still watching it or not? You must! Yeah, I wouldn't mind that film, please, Grigger! But I must simply have more Grigg Grigger films, too... I just watched It Happened At The Office (*****) again today... how shit like The Maltese Falcon can get so highly rated when noir classics like that are around I don't know... (NT) -- Rich, 20:22:22 06/02/01 Sat
        Listen to my tapes, yer c**t! Hey, Grigg, I post a review about as often as you these days... (NT) -- Rich, 20:24:43 06/02/01 Sat
        Griggitty, I borrowed Q Magazine off my sister and there's an interview with legendary producer Brian Eno in it, where he names his favourite producer... and he says Prince! Yeah! Now listen to my tapes yer c**t! (NT) -- Rich, 20:48:30 06/02/01 Sat

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