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Date Posted: 18:46:27 06/07/01 Thu
Author: Rich
Subject: Sod off, Grigg! Wanking off all day to SKY, you're on holiday and you can't even come on here to talk to your old mate Rich! Well screw you - I'll talk to Jim Jimmer instead. Get on here, Jim Jimmer!

BAD (1987)


Bad: Done this one. Rating: *** Go on, cry, Jim Jimmer!

The Way You Make Me Feel: And this one. Rating: *****

Speed Demon: Apparently the working title for this one was "the irritating one that slows down Moonwanker to a halt and has that shit bit with the dancing rabbit in" I mean, what the fuck does Jacko know about speed? Unless it's snorting it up that nose of his. Hey, maybe that's why he needs so many noses, Jim Jimmer - they keep falling off after he snorts so much Charlie. What did Jacko's dad say to him when he was little? "Stop picking your nose!" Tee-hee-hee! Rating: ***

Liberian Girl: I remember the video to this had Debbie Gibson in, who I wouldn't mind penetrating. Would have been crap if it was called Librarian Girl, wouldn't it? Been great if it was called Lesbian Girl, though. Again, bit like Grigg releasing an album with a track called "All the millions of girls I've shagged". Jacko just can't do relationship songs cos his tiddler's never been within fifty miles of a fanny in his whole life. Factoid: Lyrics include: "you changed my world, just like in the movies, and she says 'Do you love me?' and he says so endlessly 'I love you, Liberian Girl'" Lyrics from Prince on a relationship song include: "If I was your girlfriend, would you remember to tell me all the things you forgot when I was your man?" and "I just can't stand to see you happy, more than that I hate to see you sad. If you left me I might do something rash. What's this strange relationship?" Now, who has more depth? Admit it, Jim Jimmer. Jacko's are just second-hand recreations of what a relationship might be like. Prince takes it through time (7) and from the female point of view (If I Was Your Girlfriend)... and that's just for starters. Sides, Prince has shagged more. Rating: ***

Just Good Friends: A duet with Stevie Wonder, who can be bland, but is still a genius, right? This isn't Stevie's best vocal performance, but he does put the (still excellent singer, mind) Jacko in his place. Includes Jacko singing the perhaps insensitive lyrics: "You didn't see her eyes on me"... apparently Stevie replying "Course I didn't, can't you see I'm fucking blind, yer heartless c**t?" was cut from the final edit. Rating: ***

Another Part Of Me: Obligatory MacCauley/Jordan gag: Apparently Jordan said "No, it's not another part of you, Mike - it's my arse, you cheeky bastard." So-so pop. Rating: ***

Man In The Mirror: Done this one. Rating: ***1/2

I Just Can't Stop Loving You: And this one. Rating: ***1/2

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