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Date Posted: 16:43:03 04/03/03 Thu
Author: jjwalker
Author Host/IP: 216.158.239.154
Subject: No time to check, but I believe Cleese didn't write it.*
In reply to: withnail 's message, "John Cleese (smells old, but if you missed it...)" on 15:43:33 04/03/03 Thu

>Axis of Evil Wannabees
>
> by John Cleese
>
>
>
> Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the
>"Axis of Evil",
>Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had
>formed the "Axis of
>Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than
>that stupid
>Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in
>his State of the
>Union address.
>
> Axis of Evil members, however, immediately
>dismissed the new Axis as
>having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They
>are just as evil . .
>.. in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim
>Jong-il. "Everybody
>knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil .
>. . we're the best."
>
> Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous
>over being excluded,
>although they conceded they did ask if they could join
>the Axis of Evil.
>"They told us it was full," said Syrian President
>Bashar al-Assad.
>
> "An axis can't have more than three countries",
>explained Iraqi
>President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's
>tradition. In World War
>II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis.
>So, you can only have
>three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."
>
> International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil
>declaration was swift,
>as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere,
>peer-conscious nations
>rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a
>game of geopolitical
>chairs.
>
> Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had
>formed the "Axis of
>Somewhat
> Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and
>Myanmar in the Axis of
>Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and
>Russia established the
>"Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally
>Disagreeable".
>
> With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the
>desirable clubs
>filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda
>applied to be called the
>"Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly
>Won't Be Asked to
>Host the Olympics".
>
> Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of
>Nations That Are
>Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty
>Thoughts About America",
>while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the
>"Axis of Countries
>That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a
>threat, really, just
>something we like to do", said Scottish Executive
>First Minister Jack
>McConnell.
>
> While wondering if the other nations of the
>world weren't perhaps
>making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval
>for most axis, although
>he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of
>Countries Whose Names End in
>'Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false
>application. Officials
>from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the
>charges.
>
> Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to
>join any Axis, but
>privately world leaders said that's only because no
>one asked them.

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