John Cleese (smells old, but if you missed it...) -- Victors Board HOF

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Date Posted: 15:43:33 04/03/03 Thu
Author: withnail
Author Host/IP: 216.232.162.75
Subject: John Cleese (smells old, but if you missed it...)

Axis of Evil Wannabees

by John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil",
Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of
Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid
Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the
Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as
having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil . .
.. in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody
knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil . . . we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,
although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.
"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

"An axis can't have more than three countries", explained Iraqi
President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War
II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have
three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift,
as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations
rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical
chairs.

Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of
Somewhat
Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of
Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the
"Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable".

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs
filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the
"Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to
Host the Olympics".

Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are
Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America",
while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries
That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just
something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack
McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps
making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although
he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in
'Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials
from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.

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Replies:

No time to check, but I believe Cleese didn't write it.* -- jjwalker, 16:43:03 04/03/03 Thu (216.158.239.154)