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Date Posted: 02:12:14 11/06/04 Sat
Author: BFIH
Subject: Partyin' with the Ripons

Ok, I'm not Hunter Thompson, but might as well lay it on you guys about dealing with Ripons as at least a fringe member in a backslidden sort of way of the so called Religious Right.

Right away my brother and I got the idea that we weren't exactly welcome in the club when he declared. Part of that's his fault of course -- he declared himself a candidate 2 days before the election with no planning - just tossed the hat on in there and off we went on our seat of the pants joyride.

We showed up at the first party, complete with bro's bad front tooth and off the rack suit that fit him poorly. He got asked to do a "speech" and droned on interminably until mercifully one of the ladies who had drank a bit too much wine launched a round of applause because she couldn't take anymore. She also provided some good comic relief when she set the host - a man I call "Squirrel Boy"'s table on fire by knocking over a candle and some wine - more on "Squirrel Boy" to come.

Anyway, things slowly improved over time, but my bro is definitely the "unpolitician". I eventually did manage to work him down to short "thank you" remarks and a matching blue shirt and tie that had him looking rather George Bushish.

By the election night party we were dressed better than any of the Ripons -- simply figuring that looking better would at least earn us some token civility. We were pretty much shunted off to the back to observe while the golden girl who was the star of the show sat up front.

There were yard signs on hand for the Kansas House and Kansas Senate candidate, but nothing for us. Of course we were so broke we didn't pay for the party, but were just kind of thrown a bone and invited for appearance sake when we couldn't even scrap up $100 to pay for our share. So we "went to the back of the bus" and sat there grateful that we had a nice place to vainly try to relax while we awaited the fruits of our nearly 5 months of blood, sweat and tears.

Interestingly enough the Kansas House candidate (Squirrel Boy) who had previously alternated between snobbing and sycophantic behaviour was back into sychophant mode because we managed to do better in the advance balloting than the local Ripon fave, Lynda Wilkinson. (Lynda is a cute thing who has earned multiple MRS degrees improving her social status with each one. Her third netted her a rich old banker. She was the aformentioned golden girl)

Anyway, this was a nice little affair at the local
"Chatters". Free spread of all kinds of good stuff, chicken strip, shrimp cocktail, chicken chimichangas, dips of all kinds, tortilla chips and sodas with cash bar. We took full advantage of the freebies as such scum as us are wont to do. I had eaten before we went over, but the nervousness and anticipation of how we would do gave me a massive case of the munchies.

I should mention that I was there with my girlfriend Cynthia (yeah we're still an item believe it or not) and my bro and sis. Later on his wife deigned to show up - this campaign stuff has been dreadfully stressful on his marriage.

The early returns had us groaning... we were down 1700 by 8:30. At that point I said "oh well we're getting our butts kicked" and started to relax. Then at 9 PM the gap had closed to 1000 and my heart started to race so it was time to go hit the cash bar.

The bar had the good stuff on it - the lady friend prefers bourbon and cokes usually drinking my namesake -- Weller bourbon. Well no such stuff at this bar I tell you. Crown Royal all the way baby. Kind of symbolic I'd say.

At one point I think the tube even flashed we'd got within 600 or so, and "Squirrel Boy" (our scrawny, hot and cold Kansas house Ripon friend who jabbers a million miles an hour and looks like a fruit reappeared at our table) but then it opened back up to 1250 and I just prayed we wouldn't get crushed. "Squirrel boy" went back to his wife's table to lick his wounds. I periodically worked my way through out the room to find out how we and the others were doing and managed to console the "Squirrel Boy's" wife a little with what a great ad she'd cut for her hubby.

Found out she was even offered a gig as a DJ which didn't totally shock me - she's kind of cute and slender, very intelligent and has a good voice. I kept thinking through out the race how much better a candidate she'd have been. She's also a much more aggressive personality and wouldn't have been afraid to take the gloves off and get down. She's probably as snotty as her hubby, but she is sooooo much better at hiding it and acting friendly that Steve and I liked her.

Anyway, when it was all over, the brother was much bummed, but didn't want to leave. I think he was savoring his last few minutes in the limelight. While he's sitting there ready to cry and dealing with the pain of the loss his cell rings and of course the local paper wants comments. We had talked about a losing speech and decided after the dirty way he was trashed not to bother congratulating the opponent, but just to thank his supporters because why be a phony when you truly are an "unpolitician" anyway?

Steve made a groaner when he said he thought that he'd have won if he hadn't been trashed - at least I guess it was since the reporter groaned when he said it - but hey it's how Steve really felt and that's what you get when you talk to him. Especially when the loss wasn't even 2 minutes old. It's really hard to say how much impact that nasty stuff had without the polling data anyway so who's to say he's wrong?

Anyway we have a last bit of business to attend to with all this... tomorrow we go to the reorganization meeting and at least try to help those who helped us and deal with others accordingly. I have mixed feelings about the Republican chairwoman. On one hand she did put out over 50 yard signs for us and gave us $1450 from the Central committee. Money we really needed.

On the other hand she kind of lied to us and told us we'd get equal shares of the funds raised and that's not how it was at all. The Senate candidate got $3500 extra in just one gift and she gave Squirrel Boy an extra thousand. One of the ward guys tried to talk her into a fund raiser for us, but that never happened. Also early in the campaign I never had any idea of what was going on, so I started calling her every week because she wasn't keeping us up to date. Later on she started to take us more seriously and call me on her own. So is the glass half empty or half full here? I feel a mixture of gratitude and anger at her at the same time.

Now the second in command, Rob is even more interesting. Rob didn't put out signs for us per se, but he reached deep and gave each candidate $150 of his own money. He was always there for me whenever I called and his wife was very gracious in introducing Steve at events and encouraging Steve. I should add his wife, Betty is a Progressive with vastly different views on abortion than us, but Betty knew full well my brother is pro life and never let that stand in the way of supporting and encouraging him.

Now, there is an 84 year old minister in the party named Pennekamp that we happen to like personally and he's the head of the local pro life group as well as being a ward member. However, he didn't do jack to get Steve elected or donate him any money even though Steve is pro life. Conjecture is that Pennekamp is going to push to replace Rob because of Betty's stance on abortion. He may even push for this other character named Jeff.

Jeff is full of hot air. A pro life, pro gun guy, but he seems a bit whacked. He got Rob's committee chair by spreading around that Rob isn't pro life which he is. He said he'd go work for Steve, but we got beat handily in his ward and he didn't put out a single sign for us till we called him again and he got out about 8 or so a week before the election. No money from him or his wife.

So... I'm thinking as much as we care about the abortion issue that we're not going to screw over a good man for his wife's beliefs to help some phony who says the "right" things. There was that disjointed enough for you guys?

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