I had to give my 7 1/2 year old daughter ":the talk" tonight! -- LDS Parenting After A Stillbirth or Infant Loss

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Date Posted: 23:57:51 08/24/04 Tue
Author: lynece
Subject:

I had to give my 7 1/2 year old daughter ":the talk" tonight!

sniff.... I can't believe my first baby is so old she was asking about making babies. Jon and I knew this was coming and had jokingly talked about having to do it, but I was not ready! Hannah has always been very precocious and old for her age and even at 5 she was asking questions that I was not prepared to answer. Today as I was braiding her hair I had on "Adoption Story". Normally this is an ok show to watch with the kids around, but today the birthmom had had her first child at age 13 and was 22 at the time she gave her 3rd one up for adoption. Hannah said "13! was she married?" I said no, she just made some bad choices. But Hannah wanted to know how you got pregnant without being married and was visibly upset at the thought that she could get pg at that age as well. I told her we'd talk about it later hoping that she'd forget, but she didn't of course and asked several times throughout the day. Of course this adoptive couple was a gay men couple and she freaked when she saw them kiss and I had to explain on the spot that this is not what Heavenly Father wants or likes, but somepeople make different choices about who to be with. I should have stayed with cartoon network today!

At dinner at a chinese place tonight she asks, "When we get home will you tell me about how babies are made" and I had to update Jon. So after the other kids were in their rooms we sat down with her and told her that the way babies are made is sacred and should only be done after you are married. I also tried to bring up egg and sperm, but that went way over her head. We then told her in plain language what a man and women do and her sweet childish face looked shocked and embarressed. She then said "Did you and dad do that?" Jon and I looked at eachother and both said yes. She then said " I don't get the chicken part" I told her I'd tell her more about it when she was older and not to worry about it now. After Jon had left I gave her a big hug and she asked me if it hurt and I told her no, that it can feel good and that is why people do it even when they are not married. I told her that this is a sacred thing and although it is not a secret and there is nothing wrong with it, that she shouldn't discuss it with her friends or her little brother or sister, but if she had any questions she could always come to me and ask.

I felt so old tonight and in a way I felt like a new parent all over again. I didn't get the talk until i was 10 or 11, but I remember how insistent I was and then how shocked I was! I couldn't look at my dad for quite awhile and I was so mortified when my mom got pregnant when I was 15 and I knew everyone would know what my parents were doing! LOL

I had really hoped to have this talk when she was much older-16 maybe :-) and I hope I didn't do it too early and make her upset or anything. I keep questioning whether or not I did the right thing in telling her, but i know that times have changed and after being in the elementary schools myslef I also know that it wouldn't be too long befor she heard it there.

What do you ladies think and when, if you've been so lucky, did you tell your kids?

Feeling very old tonight. Oh we've been back from VEgas for a week, but I've been in a terrible slump and haven't felt like posting about it. I'll try to give you the scoop tomorrow.

Thanks for listening!
Lynece

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