VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

Saturday, May 16, 09:18:59am [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, [3], 4, 5, 6 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 18:01:29 11/26/03 Wed
Author: Jo
Subject: For those of you wondering about grieving and spouses....m

Let me tell you, and make sure you are listening so you understand.

YOU ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON YOU WERE BEFORE YOUR LOSS. THAT PERSON DIED WITH THAT BABY; THEREFORE, NEITHER IS YOUR HUSBAND.

Keeping in mind if your loss is very recent, you need to grieve as a mother, you need to grieve as a woman, you need to grieve as a wife...and that is a lot of time to take. If you have other children, you have to make the time to do it. A minimum of at least 8 hrs per wk - nothing less will do. I am not fooling here either...

Now, about your husband. He is in the same predictament as you are. Sooooooo....

Date nights are the most important thing you can do for each right now. You will never be the same person and you need to take the date time to get to know each other all over again. My husband and I made the mistake of not realizing that soon enough and trust me, we had not argued before Hannah's death but we made up for it the 1st year after she died. Why? Because I had expectations of him as the husband he used to be - and he wasn't that person anymore just as much as I had changed.

So, if you can't get out for a date night, get a Y/W to take your other children and get them out of the house. Make a meal, just for the two of you, rent a movie, read an article in the Ensign and discuss it...discuss what I've just written down here in this post. Ask him what and how he is feeling. Most husbands feel that they have failed in being the partriarch of their family, they feel to blame for causing their wife so much pain/anguish and most of them constantly get asked how the wife is doing and hear nothing of how they themselves are doing. They lost a baby, too...

Gonna get off my soapbox here -

Jo

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> We are going to start date night next week -- Heather, 20:20:25 11/29/03 Sat

We havent really done date night on any reg. basis.
Mainly because we didn't have any family around and we didn't really trust anyone. Now we have struck a deal with My sister, we are going to watch her kids one night a week and she will watch ours one night a week. We are excited to finally be able to do this. We are only starting next week only because my niece has been ill and we don't want to spread it around.
Great advice Jo. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us.


[ Edit | View ]


[ Contact Forum Admin ]

Forum timezone: GMT-7
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.