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Monday, May 18, 05:01:27pm [ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, [6] ]

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Date Posted: 09:56:02 09/23/03 Tue
Author: Heather
Subject: My story~

Where to begin, I have had 6 losses, one at 15 weeks, Noah at 20 weeks and the others were early on.

I have two beautiful children at home. Kennedy Alexis (girl age 7) and Jordan (boy age 3). I have the most wonderful supportive husband. He has always been wonderful but he has been holding me up for this past month!

I was on bedrest with both of my children, with Jordan I went to bed at 16 weeks for the duration of the preg. He was born almost 2 months early. I have problems with pre-term labor and preeclampsia, and gest-diabetes. Lost of monitors and medications, we are so lucky Jordan got here and is 100% wild 3 year old boy!

With this pregnancy we didn't tell anyone but our parents at first, we wanted to make sure the baby was going to stay with us...I saw my ob at the first sign, I was late but my son had just spent 7 days in PICU so I was a little stressed. My husband stopped and bought a test anyway! It was poss. We were so happy!!! I saw the Dr two days later, and sure enough I was preg and the ultrasound showed the little sac at that point, aprox 3 weeks preg.
Because all of the problems with other preg. we started seeing the OB and the specialist every 3 weeks.
The specialist ran every test there was. They came back showing that I had an infection in my blood, that if contracted during pregnancy could cause any number of defects, but if contracted before the preg. the baby would be fine. I had prayed and prayed to Heavenly Father that our baby would be whole. We were told by the Dr. that abortion would be our option. Out of the question for us.
We kept going and knew that Heavenly Father would bless us.
We kept going with the Dr. apointments.
Every 3 weeks I had an level 2 ultrasound at the specialists office! (I so treasure those memories of watching our Noah bounce around and wiggle) I was doing fine, no signs of pre-term labor, I was doing great! We started telling people about our 16th week (when they could see for themselves anyway!) Four weeks later On our 8 ultrasound the specialist had to tell us that our Noah didn't have a heartbeat. We were totally devistated ! We sat in that office looking at the monitor for any hopes of movement! We left the office in shock! We drove around for what seemed like forever, I called our sitter and told her what had happened and asked her to take the kids in their room, that I needed to go right to my bedroom without them seeing me. We had to tell them but how. We finally gained composure enough to talk to the kids, That was one of the hardest things I have ever done. My 3 year old son asked immediately if the astronauts could fly to Heaven and bring his brother home to us. (there went my composure!)

Noah was delivered on August 22nd 2003 via c-section.
Heavenly Father had blessed us by showing us why Noah was taken from us, Noah had gotten tangled in his cord. I do find peace knowing what happened! I spent 4 days and 3 long nights on the maternity ward, The dr had convenced me to get a pvt room there would be better care than the normal post op ward. I was doing great until on the 3rd night I woke to hearing a newborn crying, I was half way out of bed and in tons of pain when I realized that it wasn't my baby. I had to be drugged to calm down, I thought I had lost it for good at that moment

A month later and my body had healed and I stay so busy that I don't have time to dwell on what happened. My house has never been cleaner. I miss our Noah so very much!
Just like the song "The Dance" by Garth Brooks says "how could I have ever known that I would have to say goodbye,.....I could have missed the pain but I would have had to miss the dance" The song just fits how I feel to a tee. I wouldn't have missed those precious 20 weeks I had with Noah for anything!!! I miss him so much, but I wouldn't have missed the dance for anything!

Hugs to all,
Heather

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Replies:

[> Oh Heather.....(((((HUGS))))........(m) -- Sheila, 16:32:20 09/23/03 Tue

There is so much of your story that is similar to mine. I just sat here and cried. I am so sorry for all of your losses. How I wish that your little Noah could have stayed with you & your family.

I love the song, "The Dance" and it still makes me cry every time I hear it. I hope that you will blessed right now. Hugs~~Sheila


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[> Oh Heather, thank you for sharing Noah with us -- lynece, 15:40:24 09/24/03 Wed

It sounds like you have some good memories. I'm so sorry any of us have to be here.

L.


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[> Heather, I am so deeply sorry.....m -- Joanne, 08:06:10 09/25/03 Thu

Noah has a very special momma here on earth - and he will wait for you and for his daddy and his siblings, too.

I am grateful that you have the amount of peace that you do have. Please know that the first year is the hardest to go through and that the peace does come, albeit, life here is never quite the same anymore.

J


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