Author:
Dee Gerrish (apologetic)
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Date Posted: 10:08:30 04/03/10 Sat
To my sister Sandra Johnson,
I would like to apologize for all the horrible and nasty blogs I posted on the Internet about you and our other sisters. I consulted with a medium and she told me that you and our other sisters mean me no harm and are only looking out for my best interest. She told me that I need to make amends with you all and put all of this behind us.
I also consulted with my Tarot cards and they told me to also attempt to make amends with you all. Being a strong believer in the paranormal and believing in what all my dreams tell me, I know now that I have been wrong about all of you. It is me who has issues. It is me who is unhealthy and unbalanced. It was me who started the Internet "flaming" with you and I hope you can find it in your big, wonderful heart to forgive me. I don't believe in God so I can't pray that you will forgive me but perhaps the spirits of the dead can show you somehow that I am deeply regretful for my very bad behavior.
I am a lonely and depressed woman. I don't have any friends I can turn to and all I have are my dogs to comfort me. I also find comfort in eating and you are right about my weight. It is way out of control and this has caused me to believe I have health problems. If I lost several hundred pounds I would feel much better about myself.
You being the successful and prosperous sister that you always have been has made me very envious of you. I guess you know that already. Even when we were kids, I always wanted to hang out with you because you so cool. I was a pain in the butt to you and that's why you kicked my ass all the time. I wore your clothes when you didn't know it, I used your stuff and when you found out you got mad at me. I don't blame you. I only wanted to be like you because I looked up to you.
You had every right to leave home when you were still a teenager but I blamed you for leaving me behind. I was a kid and thought you could take me with you. Of course I know now that you couldn't. Your life is something to be envious about, that's for sure. You have traveled all over, met so many cool people, you have educated yourself and had a successful life. I am the stupid one. I didn't want to go to the effort. I joined the Army hoping to become someone important but ended up working in the motor pool instead. When I got out and returned to the states I decided that because I love animals so much, I thought I would try to become a dog breeder so I tried. I didn't have the slightest idea about how to do it so I just started mating my dogs and when the puppies were born, I started selling them. As time went by and the Internet became very popular, I decided the best way to sell puppies was there. I didn't have to worry about anyone hassling me, I didn't have to follow any rules or regulations because I didn't know they existed. Many people like myself who don't know much about dogs were delighted to buy my puppies but when some of the puppies died from Parvo, I had already spent the money and couldn't give them a refund. I offered to give them another puppy but by then they were afraid. Who could blame them?
I found out my property was infected with the Parvo virus. Instead of sterilizing it like I was supposed to do, I continued breeding my adult dogs because I needed the money. I didn't want to work at Freightliner anymore because the work was too hard so I kept selling puppies online. You know that I live in a rural area so no one ever inspects my property and I got away with selling sick puppies. I am ashamed to admit that I sold those puppies to families who had kids and they were heart broken when the puppies died.
You Sandie, called the department of Agriculture to have them inspect my property but I wouldn't let them. I make it clear on my website that I never allow anyone on my property to see my dogs. I will shoot to kill.
You have repeatedly asked me to show photos of my dogs, puppies and my property including the kennels and the whelping areas but I just can't do it. I am ashamed of where I live. That's why I have a six foot tall privacy fence around my yard so no one can see my yard. I know my trailer is old and I know I need to clean up the junk that lays around everywhere but I just don't feel like it. Other people want to see photos of where I keep the adult dogs and the puppies but I can't post those kind of photos online. If I did, no one would buy a puppy from me.
You are right about what you said about where I keep my dogs. They do live in a metal shed behind my trailer. I have nowhere else to keep them. My lot is so small that I don't have room for a dog run and I can't afford to modernize the shed. I know I am an animal hoarder and you know that even when we were kids, I always had tons of animals. I can't stand to part with most but I have to sell some puppies to pay my bills. I can't afford veterinary bills so I vaccinate the puppies myself and I have even performed surgery on one of my dogs that was attacked by one of my very vicious dogs that got loose. You know that happened because our sister Karyn was there. I know she told you the whole story. It was awful for her to watch me sew that dog's stomach back together. Of course, the dog finally died but I did my best. I figured that I had done enough research online to know how to perform the surgery so I went ahead and did it instead of taking the dog to the vet. Guess I was wrong.
As for me and you Sandie, I do love you very much and I have been very mean to you by posting so much hateful stuff about you online. You don't deserve it and I hope some day you can forgive me. I know you are taking very good care of our mother and I am glad that it is you doing it and not me. I am not a care giver. I wouldn't want to give up my lifestyle to take care of mom and Karyn didn't want her either. I always knew you would be the best one to care for mom and I applaud you. There is a place for you in Heaven but because I don't believe in Heaven or Hell, I hope you do.
Me and our brother do realize that we don't deserve to be in mom's Will and we are okay with that. We haven't done anything to help you throughout this entire year that you have had mom with you plus, when mom lived by herself, neither one of us ever did anything for her then either. That was selfish of us. Mom did a lot for us and we treated her like crap.
You said that there isn't anything of mom's to divide between everyone and I didn't believe you. I guess I have to believe you now because I know mom doesn't have any money stashed away like I once thought. I am sorry that I hassled you and told you to find the money. It never existed. As for mom's house, I know it isn't worth anything. Even if the market were to change, the house is so old and so small that even if it was sold, none of us would get anything. I do believe you that Karyn and mom's name is on the back lot and unless Karyn signs it over, it can never be sold.
You have been right about everything all along. I was just so greedy that I wanted everything for myself. I proved in my blogs that I never cared about mom's well being. All I wanted was what I thought I had coming after mom dies. Now I now there is nothing.
I hope we can be friends and I promise that I will do my very best to remove all the hateful blogs I posted about you. Some may never be removed but I'll try. I never meant any of them. I was just mad at you.
I do love you sis. Please believe that.
Love,
Dee
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