| Subject: How Can I Get Over This? |
Author:
Drea
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Date Posted: 20:54:09 06/28/03 Sat
Hi...I'm going crazy here and I hope someone, anyone can help me out here. I hope this isn't too long!
Back in the beginning of May, I took a choir trip. I thought the trip would be a blast...It was my senior year trip. Well, on the first day on the bus, this one boy in choir started flirting with me. He'd poke me and stuff...then we started playing footsie and then he starting holding my hand. He was cute and all...but he was only a freshman. Against my best judgment, we fooled around a little bit on the first day on the bus. The next day, I was totally regretting it and he was pretty much ignoring me and hitting on almost every other girl. But by that point I was already under his spell.
That night, we went to a concert and I ended up sitting next to him and once again we did stuff. It seemed so perfect...He'd hold my hand and it just felt right. But right after the concert, he just went off after other girls (the only girls in choir have no interest in him and told him to back off but he didn't listen).
The next day we didn't talk all day and I was angry with him and mad at myself for fooling around with him. But by the end of the night, I was in his hotel room, making out on his bed with him asking me to do more. Basically, I refused and I thought that he'd hate me forever....But I knew that if I had done anything, my reputation would be ruined...and I told him that I didn't know him well enough to do more with him.
The next (and last day) of the trip, again, I didn't talk to him all day but eventually we looked at each other and he asked me to sit with him...So I sat with him on the way home and we fooled around again. And after that we had a really nice conversation. He held my hand and let me sleep on his shoulder.
The next day at school, everyone knew about what had happened between the freshman and I. After the rumors (which were about 75% true) started going around, he denied everything...though I heard he was the one originally spreading the stuff. One day about a week after our fling, I asked him to talk and he said he wouldn't talk to me.
I spent the next few weeks pining after him...watching him try to ask out all these other girls and trying to show him that I still cared about him. It seems like I did make progress though...Because I often caught him looking at me. I really wanted to talk to him...But we never really got a chance to be alone or I'd get nervous and chicken out.
All of my friends think I'm crazy...Going after someone so much younger...And everyone hates him. But...I just can't let him go. There is such a chemistry there and I can't stop thinking about it even if I tried.
My graduation was a few nights ago and he was going for a family member...and I decided that I would tell him how I was feeling then. But...as my luck would have it, I couldn't find him. I saw him once in the crowd and when I looked again, I heard he had already left.
So now I'm never gonna see him again...but...he's still all I think about. I've been trying to get a hold of his screen name but so far I've had no luck. I'd ask a few friends but I'm afraid to alienate them...But I'm still gonna try to get it.
If I do get his screen name, should I IM him or would that seem too stalker-like? Should I even bother with him...Did he just use me before and should I just try to forget about him? And does anyone have any suggestions about how to get over him? I have so much time on my hands because of summer and graduating...so all I can do is sit and think. I hate it. Does anyone have any advice?
I'm sorry it's so long...But I'm going crazy here.
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