Author:
Cherish the Moment
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Date Posted: 01:09:05 05/03/03 Sat
In reply to:
Desert Fox
's message, "+the bronzed brute enters and awaits his lifelong friend+" on 17:32:10 04/30/03 Wed
Do you remember me? Do you remember who I used to be? Do you remember…We were both children once, you and I. Innocent and carefree, unburdened by the responsibility of old age. I remember how we used to play together, laughing over the insignificant of matters. But then you went away and left me, alone and afraid. The weeks passed, slowly and gradually, and still you did not return. I refused to loose hope until there was no hope left and then, when the world seemed like a bleak and desolate wasteland, only then did I admit defeat. You were gone, and you weren’t coming back. You weren’t coming back. And yet, only I wept and wailed for your sake. I regret to inform you that as each day passed, more hearts faltered. Some choice to purposefully forget you, it was too painful to try to remember the past when it was exactly that, the past. Others forgot not by choice but by merely the passing of time. Perhaps no one truly forgot you, I do not think it is possibly to forget someone if you cared deeply enough about him or her. But you may be assured that they tried to, we all tried to. Even I thought it better to write you off as dead or forgotten, even I who found myself and only myself still standing on that platform of hopeless belief stepped down in the end. Do not look at me like that; do you think I wanted to? But I had to. Do you understand; I had to. Dead…gone…diseased…buried and forgotten. So then, answer me this. Why are you there, standing right in front of me, barely two inches apart from my trembling body? I must be dreaming, you’re no more than a figment of my imagination. Please say that it isn’t true. Please don’t continue to play these mind games with me. I give up; do you hear me? I give up; you’ve won. I give up. But what if it’s true, what does it mean? You were dead, and now you’re as much alive as I am. Could it be possible that I was wrong? That you never died? Why, didn’t you come home? Come back to me? At least give me a reason not to despair. Was I not deserving of you? Did you require more from me, more than me? I tried my best, was it not enough? I tried; I did try. But apparently it wasn’t enough. There’s so many questions that I have left to ask you, and you cannot possibly give me the answers that I’m looking for. There is no excuse for what you did, but you are not solely to blame, I do not hold you as the only one accountable. But I do hold you accountable. No, the big culprit here is life itself. Terrible life, wondrous life, giving and taking and never, not once letting us know why. Life and all of its mysterious. It is a wonder to us still, even though we’ve known it for years on end. It is our friend, our greatest ally and at the same time, our most fear enemy. We cannot hope to ever know or understand it, like God Himself it shall forever remain a mystery. But let us now return to the path, which we have subconsciously strayed from, our current predicament. There is no use in dwelling on something as complex and intricate as life. Tell me, why is it that I should trust you again? You broke my heart, ripped it out of my chest without even the slightest sign of regret, and threw it aside as if it meant nothing to you. It was a token of my affection, of my love. I did not quite understand myself what love, true love, was at that time. What it meant, what it would mean to me down the road? I did not appreciate its full value. How can you ask me to trust you again when I no longer know you; who are you stranger? Stranger. What an odd word to use when referring to a childhood friend, someone whom you’ve shared some of your most vulnerable moments with. A great deal of our lives and ourselves are shaped and reflected by who are friends were as children. Childhood is an ongoing process of learning from your mistakes and the mistakes of others; it is a time when we experience life and its many joys and wonders for the first time, and when we near the end of childhood, it is then that we witness the evils of this world. It is a sad thing to think that the only difference between a boy and a man is the lose of innocent. But nevertheless, it is true. I am no longer she, that filly from your yesterdays, the one whom you used to hold so dear. Nor can I go on pretending that I am. So much has changed since then, you and I too have changed. You may not have realized it but we have. Our love has changed too. Oh, don’t doubt that I do not love; I cannot express how deeply I love you. Words do not do that type of emotion justice; it is something meant to be felt, not analyzed over. How do you explain the joy of summertime, or the warmth of the sun’s rays on your back? How do you describe the taste of chocolate melting on your tongue, or the excitement that you felt at the prospect of having your first child? You can’t. But I do love you, and I know you love me. But I do not know if our love will last; I do not know if it was meant to last. But I am willing to take that chance. I want to learn how to trust you again, to open-up and share my inner most thoughts with you. You mustn’t rush me though; I must not be rushed. Instead, you must be patient with me and help me along the way. When I stumble, as I assuredly will, you must be there to catch me. If I lash out at you, you must not take it the wrong way. It is not your fault; it is because I am afraid. There will be times when I question you and I, and what it is that I am doing. When this happens, you must be strong and steadfast. But above all else you must know that no matter what happens, whether us works out or not, that I do not nor will I ever regret it. I make it a habit of mine not to regret love. Why regret something that you were so blessed and graced upon to be give. The alternative, of course, is to never have experienced it. I myself prefer the prior to the later, but that is a personal choice and your opinion may differ slightly. Nevertheless, that is up to you to decide. So I ask you once again, and this time I require an answer: do you love me and if so, are you willing to do this for me? All of it, everything that I have asked of you thus far. If not than we must say goodbye to love, and hello to friendship. Friendship, although a gift meant to be cherished, is not quite as fulfilling as love. I don’t mean the love between friends, but the love between two souls, united forever as one. However, if you answered yes than I do believe that a kiss is your reward. Go forth, valiant knight and claim your prize.
[OOC: Forgive me, I did not intend to make it this long when I started writing it, but my fingers seemed to have a mind of their own. I know its probably rubbish, and I apologise for taking so long to get back to you. It won’t happen again.]
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