"Pain" Part One -- The Buffy Alterniverse

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Date Posted: 16:00:45 06/14/03 Sat
Author: {mikeyG}
Subject: "Pain" Part One

Author: {mikeyG}
Title: Pain
Disclaimer: I totally don�t own these characters, ME does. I�m just borrowing them to have my own fun. Then I give them back in perfect condition. Well maybe not perfect condition but in a condition at least.
Summary: What happens to Lilah after Wesley rescues her from the Beast in �Habeas Corpses� until she resurfaces to release Angelus in �Calvary�.
Spoilers: General for Season 4 of �Angel�
Rating: PG-13. Nothing you wouldn�t see on the show.
Distribution: You want it, you can have it. Just ask is all.
Feedback: Hells yeah. This is my second fic, brought on by popular demand after my first venture into the fic-world was (surprisingly) well received, so feedback is definitely appreciated. Send your love and hate this way: mikegreen33@hotmail.com

�Why are you here?�

�I had a man on the inside � what�s that?�

�Ahh, it�s the fat lady singin�.�

* * *

She couldn�t see a thing in the tunnel. She was vaguely aware of a light up ahead, probably from a manhole or sewer drain. Just because she couldn�t see in the dark didn�t mean she wasn�t aware of her surroundings. She could smell the stench of the sewer tunnel. It smelled so strongly she swore she could almost taste it. She wondered absently how Angel could stand using these tunnels during the day to get around the city, with his advanced vampire-sense of smell and all. She could also hear the repetitive dripping of water to her right, the rumble of traffic above her and the sound of her own labored breathing. The Beast�s attack left her barely able to breathe. Hell, she could barely even walk because of the pain. But she forced herself to put one foot in front of the other, willed herself to deny her suffering.

Lilah Morgan was running away.

For the first time in her life she wasn�t facing the problem head-on, she was fleeing in the opposite direction. It went against her very nature, but Wes had been right, it was her best move. It might be against her nature not to retaliate against an enemy, but she knew how to choose her battles. With Wolfram & Hart decimated Lilah had no back-up, no resources, no elite forces; she was on her own. And for all her cunning, she knew she stood no chance of taking out the Beast on her own, especially after witnessing it rip its way through the firm in under an hour. She might not stand a chance at the moment, but given time she�d find a way to make the Beast pay.

Assuming she didn�t bleed to death or develop an infection from the filthy sewers she was currently lost in.

Lilah stopped her aimless wandering, clutching at her still-bleeding wound. Lifting her hand slightly she saw that the Beast had ripped a hole almost two inches wide in her stomach. She didn�t know much about medicine, but working for Wolfram & Hart let her witness more than a few torture sessions with unruly customers. They always screamed the loudest right before they died, when the pain was the worst. Judging by her own agony, she knew that this was more than a flesh wound.

She needed real medical attention.

Under normal circumstances, the firm�s own medical wing would cater to her needs, using state of the art technology and failing that, dark mystical forces. But they were all dead. Doctors, shaman, everyone; along with countless lawyers, secretaries, security; probably Connor, too. Lilah wondered if Wes had told Angel about Connor. Even if he did, there was no way to get inside the building to rescue the kid. Lilah smirked to herself. If it was even remotely possible, Angel would figure out a way to get it done. Sort of like Lilah herself.

So with the office�s infirmary out of the question, Lilah had no choice but to go topside and go to a hospital. Actually seeing a doctor was too risky, staying on the surface too long gave the Beast an easy target to shred. And Lilah definitely wasn�t going to make it easy for him.

Her mind set, she limped towards the nearest ladder, hoping it would take her close to somewhere safe.

As she emerged from the manhole, she squinted against the light. It was morning. She�d been in the sewers all night. It certainly hadn�t felt that long, but the pain Lilah was in made her feel less certain about everything. Though she was certain she recognized where she was. It should only take her ten minutes to walk to the nearest hospital from where she was now. Not willing to waste time being so exposed, Lilah began heading in the direction she knew she had to go in.

* * *

With the chaos resulting from the Beast�s stunning light show the night before, the hospital was in disarray. Doctors, nurses, and orderlies running around trying to help treat the sudden rush of patients, like sailors using buckets to try to save a sinking ocean liner. Healing minor burns, cuts and bruises isn�t worth squat when the world is on the verge of destruction. Lilah snorted at the futility all around her as she limped towards the nearest supply shelf. Picking off gauze, bandages and antiseptic ointment, Lilah put them into a pillowcase from a linen cart next to the shelf.

Turning to leave she saw a little boy standing next to a stretcher. On the stretcher was a woman, probably the boy�s mother. She had her eyes closed, but her chest wasn�t moving. The whole left side of her face was smeared with blood, probably injured from falling debris. The boy stood diligently, waiting for her to wake up, too young to realize that she never would. Lilah felt herself begin to almost pity that boy, identifying with him in some respects. Alone with no one to help or protect them, confused as to what to do next, wishing this nightmare was just that. Lilah caught herself, steeled herself and walked away.

Away from the boy, away from his mother. Away from the helplessness of the whole scene. Lilah wasn�t a child, she wasn�t helpless. All she needed was time, and the right opportunity.

She would show the Beast the meaning of pain.

* * *

She brought the ointment-soaked gauze up against the would, recoiling from the brilliant flash of pain and sharp coolness of the ointment. As she wrapped bandages around her waist to keep the dressing in place, Lilah was soothed by the gentle warmth the tight wrappings brought. She stood in an alley just outside the hospital, just out of sight of the street. She was already beginning to feel wary of being so exposed; the Beast could be looking for her. Plus her position as the boss at Wolfram & Hart made her the enemy of a lot of people, any one of them would kill for the chance to attack her while she was weakened.

Weakened.

Lilah chuckled inwardly at that as she began to make her way towards her apartment. She�d been a lot of things before; a bitch, a killer, remorseless, deceitful, ambitious, brash. But never weak. Weak was for people who couldn�t handle things and broke down at the first sign of trouble. Weak were for everyone else. Weak people got trampled by people like her, and Lilah would never allow herself to be caught in the stampede.

As she continued on her five-mile hike to get home, Lilah began to wonder why the Beast would attack the firm in the first place. Wolfram & Hart was the center of evil in Los Angeles, and the Beast itself certainly wasn�t a pillar of warm, fuzzy goodness. Why would a creature of evil attack an organization of evil? It didn�t add up.

It didn�t really matter. The Beast attacked the firm, nearly killing Lilah in the process. Now she didn�t care about the whys, all that mattered was that it paid for its mistake. All she needed to do was gather some things, disappear long enough to assemble information and form a plan of attack. Five miles and she could run away.

For the first time in her life.

* * *

The flames reached almost twenty feet into the air, murky black smoke billowing from the flames. The heat was so intense no one in the crowd dared approach the inferno. People from all over the neighborhood who hadn�t already fled the city had gathered in the streets, waiting for the fire department to come and extinguish the fire. But with the sky pouring down balls of fire not twenty-four hours earlier, an accidental blaze was of little concern.

Lilah stood at the back of the crowd, her arms folded in front of her, both in frustration and to hide the large bloodstain that had formed. The entire apartment complex was gutted, much like Lilah herself. All her clothes, weapons, her small library of books on mystical forces; it was all gone. Lilah was left with nothing, no supplies, no plan, no way to fight back.

People were saying it was an accident, but Lilah knew better. It was the Beast, or one of her other enemies, cutting her off from any avenue of escape. And it had succeeded. Without supplies, Lilah wouldn�t last more than a few days on the streets. She might make it out of the city, but she wouldn�t survive long enough to get out of California. One of her enemies would track her down, that was if the world didn�t end before that.

�Quite the fire.�

Lilah knew the voice coming from behind her, but she knew it couldn�t be.

�It�s daylight, Angel, so unless you�ve invested in one hell of a good sunblock you should get away from me. Whoever you are.�

Angel moved to stand beside her. Lilah looked at him, sure enough it was Angel; same brooding brow, same atmosphere of quiet violence, same holier than thou swagger. The daylight thing was still puzzling for her, though.

Angel smiled. �You caught me. I�m not quite the Tormented Avenger.�

�So what are you? A spirit sent to guide me? My very own Jiminy Cricket? How about Death, coming in the form of my bitter enemy to take me away? Are you working with the Beast, here to get me?�

Angel chuckled. �Now, Now, Lilah.� He chided. �I can�t believe you don�t recognize me. I�m you.�

Lilah laughed, then winced as she was painfully reminded of the gaping hole in her belly. �You�re me? I swear I looked less butch in the mirror.�

�You did. You also looked a lot less homely, but I guess things changed since then, huh?�

Lilah prepared to walk away. �Ok, �Angel�, I don�t know what you want, but you�re barking up the wrong tree. Now if you�ll excuse me, I�ve got some important bleeding to do.�

As she turned to leave, Angel piped up. �I know about your mother.�

Lilah paused, then spun around in anger. �You don�t know jack ��

As she began to launch into her own attack, Angel cut her off. �I know about Danny Bedford, too.�

Lilah was caught off guard. �What? How ��

�In the fifth grade, all the kids caught you kissing Danny behind the playground. You lied and said he attacked you because you didn�t want anyone to think you liked him. Because of that lie, Danny Bedford was taken out of school and was sent to a private boy�s school. A bitch, even then.�

Lilah shook her head in denial. �You can�t possibly ��

�Six years later Danny committed suicide, al because of you. You found that out when you started researching your own past to erase anything that might come back to haunt you at Wolfram & Hart.� Angel took a step forward. �I remember how you actually felt bad. Just for a split second, but for that one fleeting moment you felt what it was like to have a soul.�

�Who the hell are you?� Lilah grated out. The crowd had begun to take shooting glances at her, the woman standing alone talking to herself.

�I told you, I�m you. Well a part of you, anyway, a very tiny part. Given form by your own mind, brought out by the pain and stress the last day has brought to you. I�m the remaining fragments of your conscience. I hold all those moments of regret, all the pangs of guilt. Needless to say I don�t have much to offer you. You stopped feeling remorse years ago. But I remember.�

�Well isn�t that nice. What are you doing here now? Come to be my Ghost of Christmas Past? Show me all the terrible things I�ve done? Save it. I know what I did, and I�d do it all again. You know it, I know it.�

�Fine. You have a point. You would do it all over again. And you�d end up right back here. With no apartment, no job, no hope.�

Lilah stood defiantly. �I don�t need those things. I have me.�

Angel smirked. �Well thank God for small favors. You�ve got nothing, but at least you�ve got yourself, and your health. Wait, nevermind. Well you�ve got yourself.�

�Shut up.�

�And you�ve got snappy comebacks! I guess being evil does have its upsides.�

�Leave me alone.�

�No need, Lilah. You are alone. You chose to become the evil woman you are today. And because of that you�ve lost everything. The Beast might have been the one to do it, but you set yourself up for this fall a long time ago. You wanted this life, now look around,� Angel gestured around them. �This is what you got.�

�This is me, living the life.� Lilah lashed out, sarcastically. �So my choices had consequences, tell me something I don�t know.�

�You regret them.�

Lilah scoffed. �I never had a moment of regret. I lived the life I wanted, and I�ll get it back.�

�You may never have wanted to take it all back, but deep down you wondered if everything you�d done was really necessary. If you could�ve gotten it all a different way. Now everyone at the office is dead, the firm is practically obliterated and you can barely walk. You mean to tell me that you wanted this to happen?�

Lilah shook her head, rethinking her actions of the last few days. �No, I didn�t want this, but this is what I got. This is what we all got.� Lilah perked up, regaining her composure. �Those people in the office you seem to want me to feel bad for knew the risks going in. They knew what they were in and they couldn�t hack it. I don�t pity them, and I never will. I survived, they didn�t. Simple as that. I fought to get that job, fought to keep it, and now I�ll fight to get it all back.�

�How? You couldn�t fight a cold the state you�re in. Face it, Lilah, you can�t do anything on your own.�

Lilah stood, thinking. Then an idea came to her. �So I don�t do it alone. The people in the office might have been slaughtered, but there�s still field ops, people who weren�t at the office. So you were right, you had very little to offer. Now take your useless guilt trip and get out of my face.�

With her words, Angel vanished, leaving Lilah alone once more. But not for long. With any luck she�d have a small band of employees to see to it the Beast learned to regret its actions. Leaving the fire behind, Lilah tried to think of the nearest Wolfram & Hart field station.

She still had a way to fight back, and fight back she would.

* * *

For the second time that day, Lilah stood before a disaster area. The field operations building was still standing, but it was obvious that it was ground zero for a small war. Windows were smashed; there were bullet holes everywhere. Someone had fought here, and Lilah had a good idea who lost. As she entered the building, she saw the bodies strewn about like rag dolls, blood covering the walls, floor and ceiling. Lilah knew whose handiwork this was, she knew who had killed off her last option.

The Beast.

�Amazing, isn�t it?�

Lilah grimaced. �Linwood. Let me guess, Angel sent you?�

�Something like this would never have happened if I were still the boss.�

�Good for you, boss. I�m sorry, but I have to go now. If the Beast is the one that did this, it probably knows that I�d be coming here at some point.�

�Well, yes. Certainly wouldn�t want to be here for that. So what now, Lilah? There�s no one left from the firm to help you, Beast killed everyone. All Wolfram & Hart employees are dead now, even people who weren�t at work yesterday. That thing wanted us all dead, where do you think that leaves you?�

�Still alive, which is more than I can say for you, Linwood.�

�Oh yes! I nearly forgot your little stunt to get my position. And only a month on the job and you let the entire firm get killed. Brilliant. I must say, Lilah, I�m impressed. Is this another Lilah Morgan strategy? A cunning plot to get ahead? If it is, I think I missed the point.�

�You always did seem to miss the point. This isn�t a plot, Linwood.� Lilah stopped. �At least not by me.�

�So you think the Beast had something in mind as it slaughtered everyone? Well besides slaughter.�

�Don�t know yet.� Lilah slowly bent down to retrieve one of the operative�s handguns. �But I�ll find out. I didn�t get your job by sticking my head in my shell.�

�No, you got it by cutting off mine. Never forget that, Lilah. You clawed your way to the top then failed miserably once you got there.�

Lilah began walking away, then noticed a woman�s coat on the back of a chair, needing something to conceal her new weapon and hide her wound, she picked it up. She strained to put the coat on, her movements pulling at her injury.

�Face it, Lilah. You were a horrible lawyer. The list of your failures is practically endless. You only got as far as you did by killing people and stealing what they had. Well, there�s no one left to steal from, no one left for you to kill.�

�Wrong.� Lilah put the stolen gun inside the jacket.

�What do you mean?�

�Still a couple things to kill.�

* * *

Lilah�s quest to use her contacts to deliver some hurt of her own on the Beast was as unsuccessful as her plan to hide out. The contacts who hadn�t already vacated for safer havens had no information about LA�s latest monstrosity. Lilah wasn�t discouraged, her local contacts might have been exhausted but she was still owed a few favors from beings in other dimensions. All she had to do was find a way to get in touch with them. She had heard of a demon named Taeg who was still in the city who might be able to help her reach her other contacts.

A meeting with Taeg would have to wait, the sun was setting and Lilah knew that the scent of her injury would attract every vampire for miles. She had a gun, but guns were little good against vamps, all they did was make them angrier.

So Lilah went back underground, hiding out in an antechamber not far from Angel�s hotel. She figured if she stayed near to Angel�s territory she would be safer because few demons dared to go near the Hyperion. The antechamber was sparsely lit, and had only had a chair and a ratty old cot for furniture. A far cry from Lilah�s usual accommodations, but it was all she had for now.

She�d go to see Taeg in the morning and hopefully by that afternoon she�d have the information she�d need to bring the Beast to its knees.

She smiled to herself as she changed her dressing. She imagined how great it would feel to watch the Beast suffer, how the sound of its cries would be a symphony of beauty to her ears. How it would scream loudly then go eternally silent, never to interfere with her life again. Once the Beast was destroyed, Lilah would be free to rebuild her life. Take back all the things she�d lost in the last few days. She could almost see it.

Of course she had also hallucinated that Angel and Linwood had been telling her how much she�s failed in life and were really parts of her own mind, so maybe her vision of her victory was due to the pain she was in.

Maybe her hallucinated enemies were right. Maybe she was a failure, but that wasn�t going to stop her. She�d change things, set them right. She might be down and out right now, but she�d clawed her way to the top once before and she would do it again.

All she needed was time. She�d be back to her old life in a matter of days.

* * *

She awoke to darkness and the sound of dripping water. She closed her eyes, wishing it had all just been a dream. That she was in her own bed in her lavish apartment, not on a rusted cot in the sewers. She wanted to believe that her life hadn�t been ripped apart in a day, that she was still in control. She wished for a lot of things, but the pain brought her back to reality. It was for the best, wishing wouldn�t solve her problems, only doing something could get her life back on track.

Lilah stood up carefully, crying out as she awoke her wound. The bleeding had slowed, but it wasn�t going to heal for a while. The pain was almost too much to bear, but Lilah had no choice but to swallow it down and move. She had to find a way to make the Beast pay. In the hours since the attack, it had become her sole driving purpose. Payback, no matter the cost.

She began walking towards the nearby ladder to the surface. Thankfully Taeg was located just a few blocks from the Hyperion, in the backroom of a small grocery store, subtly hidden within the safety of Angel�s territory while still remaining under the champion�s radar. She climbed the ladder slowly, noticing that the pain was less than the day before. She ached all over, but that was mostly from her poor living conditions and not from the Beast�s attack.

As she appeared on the surface in an alleyway, she realized that it was in fact near noon, the sun high in the sky. She had assumed it was only early morning when she woke up. The last few days had certainly taken their toll; of course she slept through the whole morning.

She walked down the street, taking note of the major lack of pedestrians and traffic in general. She chalked it up to the rain of fire. People were scared, staying inside or scrambling for somewhere safer. If things kept going the way they had been, Los Angeles would be a ghost town in weeks.

Lilah reached the small shop, entering the door, smiling at the tackiness of the door�s jingling bell. The man at the counter looked up, smiling at what was probably his first customer all day. Lilah walked straight up to him.

�I need to see Taeg.�

The shopkeeper feigned confusion. �Taeg? I don�t know ��

�Save it. Take me to him.�

�Listen ��

Lilah pulled out the gun, flipping the safety off as she aimed it at him. �Now.�

The shopkeeper looked Lilah over carefully. He motioned for her to follow him, making sure they weren�t being watched. He led Lilah to the back of the store, opening a fake refrigeration unit to reveal the secret back room. He nodded for Lilah to enter, closing the door behind her as she did.

Inside was an old man sitting at a small table. There was nothing else in the room, nothing to suggest that Lilah had come to the right place. Taeg, at least who she assumed was Taeg, was dressed as any frail elderly man would: button-up shirt, sweater vest, and worn-away pants. He looked like he could be someone�s grandfather, not a mystical shaman with the ability to open doorways to other worlds.

�You�re Taeg?� Lilah asked, expectantly.

�I am.� Taeg spoke slowly, but in a sure way that showed a hidden sense of humor. �And you�re Lilah Morgan.�

�How did you �� Lilah became paranoid. �You�re not an image conjured up by my deeply disturbed mind, are you?�

Taeg simply laughed. �No, my dear, can�t say that I am. The pain must really be getting to you if you�re seeing elements of your own subconscious. And to answer your next question; I know who you are because I�ve been watching you closely. The path behind you, the path that still lies ahead, it�s all been exciting.�

�Wonderful. So that means you know what I�m here for.�

�A door.� Taeg nodded. �You need to see a Mr. Dvinn on Kovalis about a book. A book you�ll need to bring your new enemy to his knees, to bring him endless torment and suffering. Hate to be one of your enemies.�

Liliah smiled. �Then make that door.�

Taeg smiled back at her. �I like your attitude. One gateway to Kovalis, coming up.�

Taeg sat, staring at her as if she�d missed something. Lilah raised her arms in impatience.

�Well?�

Taeg pointed behind her, to the door she had just come though.

�But I just � you�ve got to be kidding me.�

Lilah opened the door to reveal a swirling portal. It glowed a deep shade of blue with hues of green and purple churning amongst the blues. It was one of the most beautiful thing Lilah had ever seen, both because of its appearance and also because just beyond it was the answer to all her problems.

�Thank you, Mr. Taeg.�

�Just Taeg. And don�t mention it.�

Lilah gave him one last smile before stepping into the portal. As the swirling energy washed around her, she wondered if she should�ve asked Taeg about the path still ahead of her. Maybe he knew how to stop the Beast. Probably not. Mystics like Taeg never knew the details, just the big picture. Lilah may be a big picture kind of woman, but right now the details mattered more.

The details meant the difference between living or dying.

* * *

Lilah emerged in a wide-open space, finding only a small circle of the area illuminated. Ahead of her was her contact, Dvinn. Dvinn was a Kovali demon, tall and lithe. He had black scales covering his entire body, with a patch of scarlet-red scales on his torso. His long, whip-like tail thrashed around as he stood before her, clutching onto a book Lilah assumed was for her.

�Greetings, Miss Morgan.� Dvinn hissed, his razor-sharp teeth glinting in the pale light.

�Dvinn, wish I could say it was great to see you, but the last few days haven�t been my best.�

�So I�ve heard. When I heard of the apocalyptic portents and the obliteration of Wolfram & Hart, I knew you would soon come looking for this.� Dvinn held out the book, which Lilah took and began leafing through.

�What is it?�

�An ancient text known as Rhinehardt�s Compendium. Inside you will find all the information I have on your new enemy. Is it what you were looking for?�

Lilah stopped on a page with an etching of the Beast. Same rocky skin, same twisted horns, same vile sneer. Lilah smiled at the turn in events.

�This is perfect.� Lilah closed the book and looked back up to Dvinn. �How do you want to be repaid?�

�I require nothing of yours. Simply promise that the Beast is removed from this mortal coil. There are many among us who would like to see it destroyed, I�ve given you the information you will need for the task.�

�I�ll be sure to give the Beast your regards. Thank you.�

�That you, Lilah Morgan.�

Lilah nodded and turned back to the doorway, opening it to reveal the shimmering portal. With one last look to Dvinn she walked back through the door arriving back to Taeg.

�Have you found what you�re looking for?�

Lilah raised the book. �Not a silver bullet, but it�ll do.�

�You�d best get to your research, then.� Taeg waved his hand. �The door will lead to an alleyway near to your new home.�

�Some home.� Lilah snarked. �It doesn�t even have a view.�

She opened the door, revealing the alleyway, but it was nighttime. She�d arrived at Taeg�s at noon, so it was impossible for it to be dark already.

�How long was I gone?�

�Only a few minutes, I�m afraid.� Taeg informed her with a hint of sadness. �It seems our new destroyer has brought upon permanent night. The city�s becoming a demon feeding frenzy as we speak.�

�The Beast did this?�

Taeg only grunted in response.

�I guess Angel�s band of merry do-gooders isn�t doing so hot this time.�

�The champion and his followers have tried to thwart the Beast at every turn, and each time they�ve failed. At this rate there is no one who can save us.�

�Wouldn�t bet on that.�

With that, Lilah left Taeg and stepped out into the darkness. Taking one look at her surroundings, she began to walk towards her makeshift asylum. As she walked briskly down the sidewalk, she noticed a man was following her. Readying her gun, she turned to face her stalker, finding no one. Confused, she turned around again, coming face to face with a vampire.

�Nice night for a walk.� He started to move as if to grab her. Lilah didn�t give him a chance.

�Whatever.� Raising the gun she abruptly shot the vampire between the eyes. As he slumped to the ground, Lilah tore off as fast as her body would allow. The vampire wouldn�t be killed by the bullet, but he would be incapacitated for weeks, possibly even months. The shot would attract other demons, and Lilah couldn�t afford to be a midday snack. Or was it midnight snack now. Damned Beast, the apocalypse was the firm�s deal and it had to swoop in and ruin it all. As if the firm�s plans mattered anymore, there was no firm, just Lilah and her plans. Plans that currently included safely making it back underground.

She got to a manhole, pulling it open despite the screams from her stomach then throwing herself inside. She limped the rest of the way to the antechamber, slamming the door behind her. She immediately barricaded the door with the cot, in case she�d been followed by another demon.

�It�s a far cry from your suite, isn�t it?�

Lilah knew the voice without even turning around. She rested her forehead on the cold metal door.

�Wesley. You come to take your shots at me? Cuz, you know Angel and Linwood already had their turns. Gotta say, I wasn�t too impressed, I�m used to much more scathing remarks.�

�Well it stands to reason, we�re just products of your own mind. And you�re not exactly at your best at the moment.�

�What do you want?�

�Same things you do.�

�I seriously doubt that.� Lilah turned to face the Wes that she knew was only an apparition. �We never wanted the same things, Wes. Why would that change now?�

�Because we want them to.�

�There is no we anymore, remember? Something about the apocalypse making you take stock of your life. Of course I had to go, Wesley�s little embarrassment. Besides, you don�t want things to change, you�re not even here.�

�But you are, Lilah. And you do want things to change. You won�t admit it, but I meant more to you than anyone knew, especially the real Wesley.�

�So what if you did? Fat lot of good it did me. You want the Texas Twig, the shining model of goodness. Everything I wasn�t. You never wanted me.�

�I wanted you, just not the way you wanted me.�

Lilah sighed, tiring of arguing with herself. �You know what I really want?�

Wesley nodded towards Lilah�s book, sensing the end of their argument. �The key to defeating the Beast, it seems. What are you going to do once you find it?�

�Make it pay.�

�Ah, yes, because you look fully capable of handling a demonic monstrosity that the entire team of Angel Investigations couldn�t handle. You try to face him and he�ll finish the job he started.�

Lilah looked down at her wound. It had begun bleeding again, probably from the strain after the vampire attack. The dressings needed to be changed again.

�So what do you suggest I do? Can�t run, can�t hide, might as well fight back.�

�You could find me. The real me, that is.�

Lilah laughed as she picked up the supplies she needed to treat her wound. �Yeah, because I�d be welcomed with open arms at the hotel. Hell, they�d probably all hand me over to the Beast, just for spite.�

�You never know, they could surprise you. If you work with them, you might actually stand a chance.�

Lilah paused her wrapping of her bandages. �Let�s just call that Plan B, ok? Made it this far on my own, I can still close the deal.�

Wesley just stood there, watching her as she finished dressing her injury. �Does it make it easier? Being alone all the time.�

�I�m all I need, lover. Besides, I�m never alone these days. Always someone lurking in my subconscious waiting to let me know what�s wrong with me.�

�That wasn�t my intention. I want to help you.�

�You wanna help? Then leave me alone.� Lilah bent down to put her supplies back in the pillowcase. �Because I ��

When Lilah looked around her, Wesley was gone.

* * *

She studied the Compendium for hours, possibly even for more than a day. Lilah couldn�t tell the time anymore, not since the onset of permanent midnight. All her time translating the text had turned up nothing, as the only thing she�d found out so far was that �The Beast devours fluff�. Somehow Lilah knew that they key to the Beast�s defeat wouldn�t be liquefied marshmallows.

Lilah needed help. She couldn�t translate the passage on her own, and without it she was back at square one. She supposed Wesley would be able to discern the text�s information in a matter of minutes, but going to him wasn�t an option. The text was in Kovali, so Dvinn himself was her best choice. But that meant a trip to Taeg, a trip to the surface.

Los Angeles was almost certainly a demon playground now. Even though she was close to the Hyperion, Lilah knew it still wasn�t safe. Angel�s crew wouldn�t be able to keep the streets safe, which meant any trip up there was a huge risk for her. But without the translation, she was as good as dead anyway.

Her mind made up, Lilah gathered her things, checking to see how many bullets she had left. She decided that she should stay underground as long as possible and come up to the street closer to Taeg�s shop. The less time she was topside, the better off she�d be.

Finding the right ladder, Lilah climbed up, slowly emerging just out front of the shop. She quickly ducked inside, confident she wasn�t spotted. Greeting her was a scene of chaos. The store was a wreck, items scattered everywhere, shelves toppled over in the aisles. Lying limply over the counter was the shopkeeper, his blood pooling on the glass countertop around his neck.

Vampires.

Suddenly very worried, Lilah looked down at the secret door. As she strode towards it, she saw that it was cracked open. Now running, she opened it, stepping inside fearing what she�d find.

Taeg was sprawled on the floor, blood splattered around him. Lilah assumed he was dead, but the weak rise and fall of his chest told her otherwise. She ran to his side and kneeled down, checking his pulse.

�Taeg? Can you hear me?�

Taeg turned his head to look at her, his glassy eyes unfocused as he took in a wet breath.

�Lilah.� His voice was weak, she was losing him.

�Taeg, stay with me.� Lilah gently tapped his cheek, trying to keep him awake. �What happened?�

�Vampires. They came. Didn�t like the taste.�

Lilah nodded, guessing that was the reason Taege wasn�t drained like the shopkeeper and also why the vamps weren�t still here.

�Can you get me to Dvinn? I need his help.�

�I�m sorry. Too weak. Had to hold on, to tell you.�

Lilah�s brow furrowed in confusion. �Tell me what?�

Taeg breathed in again, coughing up blood as he did so. �The champion.�

�Angel?� Lilah tried to guess what Taeg meant. She willed him to hang on just a minute longer. �What about Angel?�

�The soul. I felt it.�

�Angel�s soul? Taeg, what did you feel?� Lilah�s mind was spinning with the possibilities. Was Angelus back? How was his soul taken? Was this another act of the Beast?

�Taken.�

Lilah noticed Taeg�s pulse was weakening. �By who, Taeg? Was it the Beast?�

�No.� Taeg smiled. �It was��

Lilah waited breathlessly for a moment, and then shook Taeg. �Who, dammit!�

Moments passed, but Taeg was no longer breathing.

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"Pain" Part Two -- {mikeyG}, 16:02:06 06/14/03 Sat