| Subject: The Ubiquitous Mr. Lovegrove73 |
Author:
Schnee
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Date Posted: 17:27:49 04/10/01 Tue
In reply to:
Schnee
's message, "The Ubiquitous Mr. Lovegrove" on 17:11:51 04/10/01 Tue
“I’m sorry I ducked out like that.” I murmur as I join Nikita who awaits me in the Pathfinder.
“You had to. Don’t worry about it.”
“I needed to wait until she had left. I couldn’t chance being seen.”
I shudder to think of the outcome had she seen me. Because I’ve been dead to Marie for over 15 years, I can only imagine how hurt she would feel, learning that I’ve been alive all this time. Even if I could tell her, and she somehow managed to forgive me, our relationship could never be like it was. Our lives have taken completely different paths, molding us into the adults we are today.
Nikita speaks again, interrupting my thoughts.
“She told me how you ‘died.’”
“I know.” I answer as I shift the Pathfinder in reverse.
“So you were very close. I wasn’t sure where you were hidden. But you disappeared so quickly I suspected you couldn’t be far. “ Nikita replies.
After another pause, Nikita blurts out, “No suicide for you.”
“No, I guess Madeline considered my Catholic upbringing. Otherwise it was just was a case of convenience. I’ve never been certain as to which it was.”
As the scenery becomes a blur, Nikita’s earlier question rings in my mind. How did they die? I want to give her an answer, but I fear all the emotions that will come with that answer. I’ve blocked off those conflicting emotions for so long, but yet they continue to leach out from my subconscious, affecting me even to this day. Like the raindrops now speckling my windshield, my questions and doubts about that night obscure my view, preventing me from seeing clearly.
Perhaps if I face those emotions as the man I am today, rather than as the teenager of yesterday, I can finally put them to rest. With that thought, I choose to take the next turn. I swallow a breath as a hint of doubt creeps in. Or perhaps I’m just reopening wounds that are better left undisturbed.
~~~~~
I peer out the window with much curiosity, since I’ve become aware that Michael has chosen a different route back to the hotel. The winding road we follow soon snakes high above the Mediterranean. Looking onto its expansive blue waters, I see several boats with their sails hoisted in search of wind coming down off the mountains. Despite the gray sky and the threatening rain, they brave the choppy waters.
“There’s quite a view from here, despite the cloudy sky. I’m sure on a clear day, you’d see lots of boats sailing. And with the sun setting--it must be just spectacular. I’m glad you decided to take this route back.” I proclaim, delighted by the beauty of Michael’s honeland. Turning to Michael, my gaiety quickly subsides as I detect a distinct unease in him.
“What’s wrong Michael?”
“Nothing,” he breathes, keeping his eyes acutely focused on the road as the wipers squeak against the windshield.
“Did I do something to displease you?” I ask, wondering whether my interaction with his sister has bothered him.
“No.”
I debate whether to pursue the reason for his sudden change of mood. But he’s provided so little information to my current line of questioning that I doubt that any further inquiry will prove to be any more fruitful. Even if I had the White Room at my disposal.
Trying not to let his mood dampen mine, I stare through the glass, viewing the sails down below. Thinking of our time aboard the Integrity, I long to be nestled away at sea alone with Michael. Actually, it doesn’t even have to be at sea. Anywhere that Michael can find peace would work as well. I just want him to be happy. I want us to be happy.
The stopping motion of the Pathfinder jolts me back to the present. When Michael pulls the Pathfinder to the shoulder of the road, I look at him expectantly for an answer as to why we have stopped. Without a word, Michael opens the door to the Pathfinder, exiting the vehicle. Instead of checking under the hood or inspecting the tires as I might expect him to, he simply begins walking up the road, as I sit with a look of stupor on my face.
~~~~~
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