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Date Posted: 20:30:16 07/10/01 Tue
Author: Kel
Subject: Breaking The Ice

Breaking The Ice


You think you’re frozen in your life
Frozen in the ice of your days
You think you’re cold and you’re still
Enclosed by your will and ways
And you’ve been waiting, waiting, waiting for someone
With that special touch of fire
To take you from this place


Robin Scorpio was going home.

For the next two weeks, she was going to spend some quality time with Mac. She was going to stay up until 2am watching movies, eating popcorn and giggling with Maxie and Georgie. And, with any luck, she was going to figure out what was going on between Felicia and Luke Spencer.

She missed them all and should have gone home for the holidays. She had planned to go home for Christmas but had chickened out at the last minute. Just like she had every holiday for the last two years. The only time she’d been back to Port Charles during that time was for the Nurse’s Ball last year; she’d stayed less than 24 hours.

But this time was different. This time didn’t feel like sneaking into town trying not to upset anyone. This time it didn’t feel like returning to Paris would be running away. This time she was anxious to get to Port Charles, anxious to get home, eager to see everyone.

Lucky, she thought with a small smile. God, I can’t wait to see him with my own eyes. Make sure he’s real. And, I’ve got to meet this Gia that Nikolas keeps talking about. She sounds very… interesting. And Emily’s Zander. I’ll finally get to see if he’s as bad as Nikolas says or as wonderful as Em claims he is. And I want to spend some time with Lucy and Kevin – and Sigmund – and visit with Alan and… The list went on and on. Suddenly two weeks didn’t sound like nearly enough time.

Robin Scorpio was going home and if someone didn’t like it, well, that was just too bad.

Robin swore as she struggled to close her overstuffed suitcase. She had already taken several things out and refused to without the rest but she was still determined to take just the one bag. She finally sat on it to zip it shut. When she caught her breath, she lugged the heavy suitcase into the living room. She looked at the clock for what must have been the umpteenth time that morning. She still had 15 more minutes to wait before the cab arrived.

She impatiently blew a lock of stray hair out of her eyes and walked to the window. She cursed the weather again, thinking that the song “April in Paris” had obviously been written by someone who had never had to endure April in Paris. It had been raining nonstop for three days and showed no sign of stopping anytime soon. To make matters worse, a cold front had settled over the region. She couldn’t wait to get to the relative warmth of upstate New York.

As she stared out at the rain, Robin let her mind wander and found herself thinking back over the last two years.

When she had arrived in Paris, she had been hollow, broken. At first, she had tried to act like nothing was wrong. Most of her friends believed she was fine. Cheerful little Robin, she thought bitterly. One particularly good friend, however, had seen that she was just going through the motions. Angeline had tried to get her to talk about what was bothering but Robin just brushed her off.

Then, after almost a month, Robin realized something was wrong. Physically wrong. She was late. Almost six weeks late. She’d been so upset, it had taken her awhile to notice. The idea that she might be pregnant (Get real, Scorpio, Robin said out loud. You were positive you were pregnant.) had both thrilled and terrified her. That she was going to be a mother, that something good could come of her relationship with Jason made all of the hurt and anger seem somehow worth it. The idea of passing her HIV on to the baby and having to deal with Jason so soon scared her to death.

So she went to the doctor, fully expecting to be told she was pregnant. The news that she wasn’t, was devastating. When the doctor called that afternoon to tell her that her body was simply out of whack from stress and her medication, Robin had finally snapped. It felt like everything inside had frozen solid. She crawled into bed and stayed there for almost a week. She had wanted to pull the covers up over her head and stay in that bed forever, but Angeline convinced the landlady to let her in. She dragged Robin out of bed, made her eat and shower and take her pills, and then tricked her into seeing a counselor.

During their first few sessions, Robin had stubbornly refused to talk to the doctor about anything personal. She would talk about the weather, current affairs, politics…anything but herself. If the doctor pushed too hard, she simply got up and left. Then, by sheer coincidence, she’d had an appointment on her father’s birthday. Her parents’ birthdays had always been particularly sensitive days for Robin; they were painful reminders of what she’d lost. But, since the doctor had already mentioned that he knew the significance of the date of her next appointment, she was determined to go just to show him she was fine.

The doctor took a different approach that day. He wouldn’t let her ignore the reason she was there. He pushed and pushed until the ice inside her shattered into a million pieces. For the first time, Robin released all of the emotions she’d managed to keep so carefully hidden for so long. All of grief and loneliness she felt after losing her parents, Stone and Jason. All of her fears about her own HIV status. All of her rage and confusion had come pouring out. He let her sob her heart out for two whole hours. Amazingly, after she had cried herself dry, she felt better, she wanted to talk about it.

She’d met with him for the last time a week ago. She felt stronger and more in control than she had in nine years. For the first time, when she said she would survive, that she would be okay, she really meant it.

So Robin Scorpio was going home. Just for two weeks this first time but she was sure there would be other visits. This year’s Nurses Ball, for instance. I’m definitely going to that, she promised herself. And Thanksgiving and Christmas and winter break and… Robin smiled to herself. She liked this new person. She reminded her of a precocious little girl she once knew.

She checked her watch and impatiently blew a stray lock of hair out her face. Five more minutes until her cab arrived. Too anxious to stand still, Robin decided to wait down by the front door. Juggling her suitcase, jacket, purse and umbrella she made her way clumsily down the stairs. She reached the foyer just in time to see someone bending down outside the front door to the building. She dropped her things in a pile and hurried to open the door thinking it was another tenant who had gotten locked out.

Robin jerked open the door causing the man to stand up and jump back. They stared at each other in silence, both too shocked to react. Finally, Robin looked down at her feet. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. A daisy planted in a bright yellow hardhat sat on the doorstep. Her eyes met his again. He stood there, soaking wet, watching her silently, rain dripping off the end of his nose. He couldn’t read her expression. He couldn’t tell if she was angry, happy, sad…maybe a little of all three.

“What are you doing here?” she whispered.

“I can go. If you want me to.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“I just…I…” He sighed and ran a hand through his wet hair. “I just…wanted to see you.” He quickly added, “How you were doing, I mean.”

Robin looked at the hardhat on the doorstep and sighed. She didn’t know what to think or say or do. Why did he have to come here? Today of all days? This was not part of the plan.

“You don’t like it,” he said flatly.

She corrected him. “I don’t understand it.”

“I’ll get rid of it. Sorry,” he said as he picked up the hat. He was surprised when she grabbed the other side of it and held on.

“Wait! Just…wait. You can’t just show up with…this and then just turn around and leave! Why are you here? What do you want?”

“I told you. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“That’s crap, Jason, and we both know it. If that’s all you wanted, you could have picked up the phone and asked any number of people, including your own sister.”

Jason let go of his end of the hat and started down the steps. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have come here.”

“Jason, stop! Look at me!”

As soon as the words left her mouth, they both flinched. They both heard his voice in their head. It’d be easier if I never saw your face again. Jason hung his head. He didn’t turn around. Robin looked up at the cloudy sky biting her lip. Of all of the thing I could have said… She shivered, hugging the hardhat to her.

Jason said something that she couldn’t hear over the rain.

“What? I couldn’t hear you. What did you – ”

“I’m sorry,” Jason repeated so she could hear him. He turned to look at her, bracing his arms against the railings on the stairs. “For everything. For Carly and Michael. For saying that. For hurting you. I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath then plunged on. “I came here to tell you that I’m sorry and…and I thought that maybe we could…” Jason dropped his eyes as his voice trailed off.

Robin was stunned. There was a time she would have given anything to hear him say that. But she didn’t care anymore, didn’t need to hear it. Or did she?

“Maybe we could what, Jason?” she asked quietly. She held out the hardhat its rain-battered daisy. “What’s this supposed to mean?” When he didn’t answer, she prompted, “Jason? Tell me.”

“Things were so simple then,” he said so softly she wasn’t quite sure she heard him right. “It was just you and me and nobody else mattered. We didn’t let anybody come between us ‘cause they didn’t understand – couldn’t understand. It was just us and the boxcar and…and I hadn’t screwed everything up yet.” Tears were falling freely down his cheeks, mingling with the rain.

“I was free when I was with you. I was okay. I’ve been all over the world trying to get that feeling back. I’ve even tried to find it with different people but… It’s you. Us. The only time I feel that way…is when I’m with you.” He wiped impatiently at his face as he sniffed loudly. “I guess I thought that maybe we could start over. That’s stupid, I know.”

Robin stared at him, blinking back her own tears. What was she supposed to say to that? How was she supposed to feel? Her heart was racing. She knew she should say no. She knew she should set this stupid flower down, go inside and shut the door in his face. But she was finished running, finished being afraid.

“I’m sorry I upset you. I shouldn’t have come here.” Jason started to walk off. Robin noticed his motorcycle parking a little ways down the street.

“What about Michael?” she called out. Jason stopped and turned to look at her.

“What about Michael?” she repeated. “What about Carly? And Sonny? And your job? You said you couldn’t just walk away from everything you knew. And I’m not going to settle anymore, Jason. Not for last place or even second place. I won’t live that life again.” Robin was terrified but refused to drop her eyes. “And I can’t ask you to give up your life either. We both tried that. It doesn’t work.”

Jason was shaking his head. “Why shouldn’t you?” Robin frowned in confusion. “Why shouldn’t you ask me to give up that life? Why shouldn’t you ask me to give up a job that might get me killed or people that make me unhappy? Why shouldn’t you ask me to live for you just like I asked you to live for me?” He walked back to the foot of the steps. “Why shouldn’t you expect me to put you first?”

“Because I did ask you to do those things once,” Robin said softly. “The answer was no.”

“Ask me again,” Jason pleaded. “Ask me again, Robin.”

Robin stared at him uncertainly. Could she risk her heart for him again? What if a month from now or a year from now Carly calls and needs rescuing from her latest disaster? she wondered. Will he drop everything – drop me – and go rushing back to her? Or if Sonny needs help? Or Michael… She studied Jason’s face looking for something that would tell her it was okay to walk away but all she could see were his blue eyes begging her for one more chance. With his nose and cheeks red from the cold and his hair and clothes soaking wet he looked like a little boy. Robin couldn’t remember him ever looking that young.

“Ask me,” he repeated urgently. “I will do anything, anything at all, whatever you want. Ask me again and I promise you the answer will never be no again.”

You don’t need him, she told herself. She looked at the hardhat in her hands. No, she didn’t need him. She didn’t need anyone to take care of her anymore. But she wasn’t going to be afraid anymore either and that included being afraid of the unknown. She asked herself if her heart could take it if it didn’t work out again. She looked at the lone daisy, still standing straight and proud despite the wind and rain and cold, and she waited for her heart to answer.

Finally she stepped out into the rain. Jason watched her warily as she walked down the stairs to stand in front of him. He frowned when she held out her hand to him.

“Hi, I’m Robin Scorpio.”

He stared into her eyes; they were clear and calm. Suddenly he got it and his face split into a huge smile. He took her hand in his and shook it.

“Jason Morgan.”

“Well, Jason Morgan, in case you hadn’t noticed its raining. And cold. You look like you’re half frozen.”

“Only half,” he whispered. “I’m feeling better already.”

Robin let go of his hand to point at the building. “I live here, you know. Why don’t you come inside and dry off?”

“That would be nice,” Jason grinned.

“I could make some coffee. Maybe we talk. Tell each other about ourselves.”

Jason gestured toward the steps. “Ladies first.”

As they stepped inside the foyer, a cab pulled up to the curb beside them. The driver got out and asked, “Mademoiselle Scorpio?”

Robin glanced at Jason and smiled then closed the door behind her. Port Charles would still be there in a few days.


Lyrics from “Frozen Somewhere Blues” by Bill Haymes.

Thanks for reading. ~Kel

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