| Subject: Jericho, 11 |
Author:
Anon
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Date Posted: 14:29:49 03/22/02 Fri
Michael found Nikita in wardrobe, browsing through the selection of evening dresses. She had another dinner engagement with Chandler that night. Nikita turned to look at him as he entered. Surprise flickered briefly in her eyes before she lowered her lashes and turned back to the row of dresses. Michael made certain no one else was around and then he went to her. She was idly fingering the sleeve of one dress, but not really looking at it.
“Did you find out when the meet is?”
Her tone, when she answered, was defensive, her answer brief. “No.”
“Find out.”
Nikita stared at the dresses before her. Michael reached over, put his fingers under her chin and made her look at him. A myriad of emotions flashed through her blue eyes: fear, uncertainty, guilt.
Michael stroked his thumb softly over her cheek. She tensed and he could feel her try to pull away. He held firm though and stared hard into her eyes until she was forced to focus only on him. When Michael felt he had her full attention, he said softly, “Don’t get emotionally involved with the target, Nikita.”
She blinked. Her lips turned down at the corners. “You told me to get close to him.”
Michael lowered his hand but he didn’t move away. “There’s a difference between getting close and becoming emotionally involved.” To demonstrate, he placed his hands on her hips and took a step closer so that their bodies were now just barely touching. Michael had never used this tactic before with Nikita and she looked at him in surprise again. A second later her hands came up as if to push him away. Michael loosed his hold a bit but he remained where he was. “Alex Chandler is a mission,” Michael said, lowering his voice to a whisper. “Don’t forget that.”
Her back stiffened and her frown deepened as she gazed back at him, eye to eye. “Do you think I could with you and Section tracking me, listening to everything we say?”
Michael didn’t say anything and Nikita pushed at his chest and he allowed her to back away. The frown remained on her face as she crossed her arms and turned back to the dresses. Her cheeks were flushed and he could tell that she was uncomfortable with being so close to him. Michael looked away and suppressed the urge to sigh. Sometimes he truly didn’t know what to do with her.
“Get the information tonight over dinner.”
With that he turned and left. Michael returned to his office and remained there working until Birkoff knocked on his door several hours later and peered in.
“Nikita’s in place, Madeline said I should let you know.”
Michael thanked Birkoff, and after he left, he sat back and took a deep breath. Suddenly he felt very tired and… alone. The pressure of running two different lives, both of them Section controlled, was wearing him down. It was, he realized, probably time for him to take a few days of downtime so that he could regain his focus. The downtime was a luxury he allowed himself only once every few months. During that period he would go away, usually somewhere remote and he would live with nature, not thinking of Section or of Elena and Adam… or Nikita.
A small frown worried Michael’s brow as he slowly stood and picked up his coat. Nikita.
There was a prickling of remorse as he thought of her. He’d been rough with her that afternoon, ordering her to get the required information over dinner tonight and then leaving without asking if she was all right. The look of distress had been there in her eyes for him to see but he’d been too wrapped up in his own private anger to take notice.
What was he doing, Michael wondered, allowing Nikita to bother him so? He stopped at the window and looked out into Section, but all he could see was Nikita’s unhappy face looking back at him from that afternoon.
Dear god, he thought, please don’t let this happen. It was the last thing he needed, the last thing either one of them needed. And yet, as Michael turned and made his way slowly out of his office and over to com, he knew that it was already too late.
He’d known Nikita for nearly two and a half years now. He had trained her, mentored her, and somehow, in all that time that they spent together in Section, Michael realized that for the first time since Simone’s death, he had allowed himself to begin to care for her.
It was wrong – even stupid, but, he supposed, inevitable. He didn’t imagine himself in love with Nikita. No, the feelings he had were not that strong. He wasn’t even sure they were romantic in nature. But Michael cared for her. He cared what would happen to her if she were to fail a mission, for the heartbreak she would feel if she allowed herself to fall in love with Alex Chandler, and he cared that she was miserable in Section.
But what could he do? Protect her? He couldn’t be around all of the time to do that. He was already spending too much time with her. Even when he was at his other life Michael found himself checking the reports once a day to check her status and that wasn’t good.
No, Michael decided. It wasn’t enough to try and protect her by himself. He had to get Nikita to learn to protect herself. He’d taught her to defend herself physically, now he’d have to teach her how to guard her emotions as well. Michael sighed inwardly as he stepped up onto the platform and prepared to listen in on her dinner date with Chandler. It was, he realized with a feeling of growing regret, not the type of lesson he looked forward to teaching her.
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