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Date Posted: 13:33:44 12/03/08 Wed
Author: Odelle
Author Host/IP: CPE0013f7f24246-CM0013f7f24242.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com / 99.234.121.213
Subject: When A Time Comes (Chapter 7)
In reply to: Odelle 's message, "When A Time Comes" on 13:03:27 12/03/08 Wed

At three minutes to eight, Nikita decided it was now or never. She had been holding her breath for the last five, trying to force her body to walk up the stairs and through those drapes. Like cement in her shoes, her torso would lean toward him, and yet her mind wouldn’t make the first step. Couldn’t.

How would he look? she wondered. The feeling of the question washed over her and made her sigh heavily and close her eyes. Like Michael. Like her Michael. She could feel his arms around her – could hear his heartbeat. Contentedness filled her, and she moved to take the first step again.

Like a brick wall, she ran into the reality of her life. How could she ever explain to him about her home, her family? Guillome and the children flashed before her eyes, and her heart couldn’t reconcile them with the man in the room before her. Michael felt so separate – so foreign from where her heart currently resided. So separate, in fact, that it felt possible to see him and keep it apart from her reality.

That was hopeless, she knew. It was the time that had passed which created the illusion of separation. One moment with him, one feel of him in her soul again, and she’d never be able to hold back the truth of it all. Could never touch him, and return to her bed with Guillome after. It was absurd. Now that she stood there, she knew that it was Michael’s place, and his only. With no assertion of possession on his part, only his presence, she knew she’d be lost to him all over again. And yet she knew that the knowledge of her home and family would destroy him. When he found he couldn’t have her as he once did…she shook her head, her sob a chuckle. She couldn’t imagine.

It was exactly eight now. And her soul’s true lover was just twenty paces ahead. To wait one more minute would crush them both. Because one more minute was a ‘no’. Her eyes pricking with tears, she looked down and slipped her sunglasses back on.

Picturing his devastation; knowing that finding out about her life would kill him, she turned her back on the room, on Michael. Shaking her head, her tears began freely. It felt like a knife had been driven into her chest, and was being twisted with each tight breath. She gasped and looked up to the ceiling, begging to be released from this reality.

How could she walk away? How could she possibly leave him?

Again she weighed her own desires against his freedom. And again his freedom won – beyond any measure possible. She knew to go to him would steal that freedom like clipping the wings of a bird. He couldn’t return again to his old life. Yet, she knew, he couldn’t return again to her the same way. She didn’t know if she had any room left – any part of her to offer him, anymore.

His ultimate freedom was far more valuable than this sweet moment of heaven before her. And so her choice was clear.

A silent sob wracked her – her body was shaking, her hand reached out to grab the banister. Then she froze, took a deep breath. Pulled her hand back. Composed herself like steel.

And walked away.

************

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