| Subject: Premonitions about the loss of my babies |
Author:
nadia
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Date Posted: 17:03:38 08/27/03 Wed
Almost 5 years ago, while leaving for one week vacation to London, I discovered I was 5 weeks pregnant! I already had bought the ticked, and so I had a talk with several doctor to see if I the 2 hours flight could create problem with the pregnancy, but 3 of them told me I was overly concerned, and as long as I would not strain myself or lift weight I should be all right...But something wasn't quite right...even if they told me there was nothing to worry, I felt very worry but I did not know why....As soon as I got to London, I got very sick! I got flu, allergy, fever, and I began to bleed....I spent almost the all week from one hospital to another and they all told me not to worry and that everything was ok! I could feel that something was not ok, but I could not explain why...My husband was telling me that I was too negative...but I knew that was not the problem...When we finally returned to Rome, my bleeding was heavier, and the night a had a premonition dream...inside of it there was the all story I was living....even if the symbols were different, the feeling was the same....I dreamed that I was putting the laundry inside the washing machine, there was a little kitten playing around, and I told him to keep far from the laundry, but it kept on playing with me and all at a sudden he was not anymore around, I realized he ended up in the washing machine with the laundry and I could not opened the door because it had a safety lock that would unlock only after 5 minutes...too long to save that little life dying slowly just in front of me....I was feeling terrible, I was watching this little innocent life leaving me and I could not do anything to save it! Why wasn't I careful when I loaded the machine! The nest day I went to the hospital and they told me that I had lost the baby....but somehow I already knew it....I had already experienced that slow loss of a little innocent life just before me incapable of doing anything to save him! Then, I almost 2 years ago, I had another miscarriage...I had an accident at work that caused the loss...I had dreamed about my baby so many times...For me it was still the same baby that I could not have the first time, and that I was almost having this time...I kept on dreaming about feeding him, changing him, and doing all the things a mam does....One night I had a dream that left me in tear for so many days and created a terrible open wound inside my soul that took some time to heal...but now it did.
Ad usually, I was feeding my baby, and this time he had grown up a little and I was trying to give him some solid food. The all family was around the table, and while i was feeding him, all at a sudden he stopped breathing and I could feel he was dying! I was panicking and I was screaming for help, but nobody seem to pay any attention to me, they simply ignored me! I was in terrible despair, I could feel him leaving me, and I began to talk to him....no sweet baby, you cannot leave me. And he answered: mam, I have to go now....and I replied: you are so small, we have so many years to spend together, so many things to do together, you cannot go away without me,...I will not let you go alone in the dark, I will come with you, you are my baby...and he replied: mam, but I come from the dark and there I have to return, you cannot stop me or change my destiny. You have given me what I need, and now I have to go. I could not understand what he was talking about, so he explained, that he needed pure love, and he had received it from me, so his mission was accomplished. He explained that in his dimension, time and space does not matter at all, what matter is the intensity of feeling, sometimes you may spend your all life to look for love and never find it, sometimes you may get it right away! This was his case! Mind and space was only in our human mind! He knew I loved him so dearly, and that is all what he needed, and now was time for him to leave...But how can you explain this to a mother? He told me that if I went with him, I could not change his fate, but it was my duty to stand by his father because I had the power to change his father fate....And so it was....I did change his father life completely....When I woke up the pain inside myself was so powerful like if I had lost my heart, I felt like a painful open wound inside of me, and this lasted for several days....I cried a lot...but then, thinking over and over about what my baby said to me, I realized that he was right ....As soon as possible, I will try to have a baby, and I hope this time every thing will go right! I know it may be a little difficult because the financial situation is not that great, and I am also almost 45....But I want my baby back!
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