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Date Posted: 09:50:48 03/18/04 Thu
Author: Benito Genivese
Subject:
(When this began)
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)


And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)

Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)

Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
and the fault is my own
I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong


++He'd been taking a walk around the grounds in the back, making his way through the evergreen maze. He had only been here for three days and already he hated it and just about every person in the mansion. He hated it even more that Marco was here, Adrien providing him with a roof over his head while he went to Harvard Law School. He snorted in anger at just the thought of it, his perfect half-brother. The perfect son, the perfect gentleman, all kindness and human caring, along with super intelligence. He hated him even more because he was an exact replica of his father, Reynaldo Liccio, Benito's step-father. Lucia Tortello had married Stefan Genivese when she was 17 years old. She had given birth to Benito Stefan Genivese the next year, and within one more year was widowed; Stefan was killed in a horrible car accident. Reynaldo Liccio had, had his eye on this young woman for years, it took him only six months to convince the distraught single mother that she was in need of a male to watch over her. Within eight months of his father's death, Lucia Genivese had become Luica Genivese-Liccio. The twins, Marco and Marchella didn't arrive until Benito was four. He had hated them from the moment he had laid eyes on them, because once his own children arrived on the scene, Reynaldo forgot all about his step-son's existance. Growing up Benito had been labelled a problem child, but it was because he had acted out in hopes of winning Reynaldo's attention. It had never worked though, except to turn him even more against the boy. It may not have helped that Benito had been sired by Reynaldo's competition for Luica's love.

Thinking over the years of his youth, how his rebellion had led him to take up with boys his mother didn't approve of, he couldn't help cringe. It had been through them that he had been introduced to cocaine, something to help numb the feelings of not belonging, of being in the way of the perfect Liccio family. Of being the disappointment. If he ever found the men responsible for his father's death he wouldn't hesitate to kill them on the spot.++

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