| Subject: Priority Mail 10 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Friday, October 22, 11:45:22pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 6+" on Wednesday, October 20, 11:23:55pm
Michael stared at the embers of the fire as it the flames disappeared and only the coals were left. He had started the fire hours ago with Adam, but Adam had gone inside hours ago. Michael had stared at the fire with his mind at war about the things that he had learned today.
Turning to the side, Michael pulled out the small bottle and took another swallow. It was rare for Michael to take any spirits at all, but tonight, his mind needed some sort of numbing agency for all that it had been told during the day. Emotions threatened to take over his life and that was not the way Michael operated.
Walter had asked Michael to stay with Adam the night, but Michael needed the space. He needed to get back to his house and to spend time with just his son. Now that Adam was in the house, Michael was in his house, but he felt like he was trapped.
He thought that he had been sure that he would know if Nikita had passed away, but now he was starting to wonder that. To learn that she had turned their child away from her body so quickly, five minutes of holding her, chilled Michael. His rational mind shouted that it was the only thing that Nikita could do to protect the child and to protect herself while she was running Section, but that did not seem to be heard right now.
Nikita had fought for children. He realized how close he had been to losing Nikita with Sasha and Peter episode. Paul had been so furious that Michael and Nikita had been able to reunite Sasha and Peter with their parents and furious with the nightmares that Nikita had for several weeks afterwards. But it made it hard to know that the woman back then who had cared for those two children would hand over her own child to Walter to take away. It would be easier to know that Nikita had at least tried to fight for her.
Michael poked at the coals as he looked up at the sky and sighed. He closed his eyes and he knew inside that he felt that Nikita was alive. That feeling gave him the answer that he wasn’t ready to face – that he had to look for her and find her.
“Dad?” Adam called out and Michael jerked as he wiped at his face, knowing that he did not want his son to see him crying. “Adam… I thought you went to bed…”
“I went in to play on the computer until Saturday Night Live comes on…” Adam declared as he sat down in his own fabric folding chair next to his father’s chair. “Did you find out about Nikita?”
“I have a lot of questions, Adam. I don’t have many answers,” Michael replied back as he didn’t look at his son, afraid that he would lose his composure.
“So you don’t know where she is?”
“No,” Michael shook his head from side to side. “Walter doesn’t know where she is.”
“And my sister?”
“Half-sister,” Michael corrected and then he slowly looked back at Adam. “I don’t want you to get your hopes up about finding her, Adam. Nikita did what she had to do… make it impossible to connect a child with her… that child could have been used against her.”
Adam kicked his feet up and looked at his father. “Could have been? Did she get out like Walter?”
Michael swallowed hard and he blinked his eyes. “I don’t-“
Michael’s voice faltered and Michael turned his head away. “Adam… I can’t talk about this.”
“You always said that she is looking out for you… and that Nikita is smart… would outwit the best… she has to be ok,” Adam fired back as he didn’t like his father’s reaction to what he had tried to say.
“Give him some time, boy,” Walter’s voice declared from behind the two men. Michael didn’t jump. He knew that Walter had been there for some time, but Adam leapt from his seat. “What are you doing here, Uncle Walter?”
“You should be in the house,” Walter commented as he pulled at Adam’s shirt, giving Adam a clear message that he should go back to the house. He muttered as he went, but Adam was worried about his father and was relieved that Walter was there.
Walter bent down and pulled up the bottle and shook his head. “This is a beer, Michael. You don’t pour some of this out like you are having a shot… if you are going to drink, you should do the heavy stuff.”
Michael looked at the bottle and leaned forward as he dropped his face into his hands. He wanted to shrug Walter’s hand on his shoulder as he felt all of the emotions of the day. However, that hand seemed to ground him in the moment and allow Michael the purse that he had held within all day.
“I told you that you should have stayed up with me… because you couldn’t process what I had said to you… I knew that this was going to happen, Michael. It hits me like this at least once a week… if not more….” Walter whispered gently and gave Michael the words to know that it was ok to feel like this right now.
Michael leaned forward even more as he just allowed it all out, knowing that for now, he was given the permission to grieve for all those things that he had no control about but he would have done something to make it different if he had had the power.
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