| Subject: Priority Mail 476 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Monday, August 20, 07:18:39pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 469+" on Wednesday, July 25, 06:47:58pm
Michael turned the light off in the living room and triple checked the door. He had already checked the door earlier; right after Nikita had checked the door and gone upstairs. But he was hesitating right now and it was because this week things just seemed off.
They had some time alone and that was special. But Michael knew that Nikita was tired and that bothered him. It made him worried that she wasn’t sleeping because maybe she was hiding PTSD flashes, and that would be many steps backwards for them.
Then when Rhoda showed up last night, Michael sat back. Nikita had admitted that she was tired, which told him that she wasn’t hiding PTSD flashes. Rhoda had even said the same thing. She had come over because Lisa was concerned. Nikita then explained that she was doing a lot at work and that she was stressed over things that were happening at work.
But yet, when Michael went to bed, Nikita rolled her kiss him and soon was making love to him. He should have stopped her, but it felt so right.
Maybe that was another reason why he hadn’t started upstairs. But yet Michael felt that tonight was different from last night.
He had almost told Nikita about what he was working on. He was almost stumped and he had a sense that Nikita would know something to help him. But while he ate dinner with his family, Nikita was thinking.
That was the best way to describe what he saw in Nikita’s eyes. She wasn’t withdrawn, so she wasn’t in a PTSD flash. She wasn’t daydreaming because she was tired. He even knew that she wasn’t thinking about work. It was something that almost seemed to be gnawing at her, something that Nikita was trying to figure out and she had a sense that she had to figure it out herself.
Now he turned the light off and started up the stairs. He had given Nikita enough time to think about it on her own. They were a unit and there were times that Michael had to demand Nikita to see them as that. It was the one thing that was just not changing within his wife. It was maddening at times.
And it made Michael love her oh so much more.
Before going to their room, Michael stopped to look into Sabina’s room. She was asleep with her arms around this ugly purple stuffed dog that Mick had somehow won at some sort of Firemen’s Carnival. She hadn’t let it go since she came home with Reagan and Mick. He couldn’t imagine that the fur was soft and it was a bit stuffy in the house, but Sabina held tightly to it.
Sabina had chattered away at dinner tonight and he had heard a lot about what had happened while she was up at Walter’s cabin. Michael wasn’t sure how Walter handled having Sabina, Reagan and Mick up there. All three of them were high strung at times – especially Sabina.
It was during dinner that Adam had called home. Nikita had asked about camp and Sabina grabbed the phone to tell Adam some about her time at Walter’s. Then when Michael got the phone, Adam first asked about Nikita. Michael was confused with how Adam had sensed that and his son claimed to tell by listening to Nikita. But Michael pointed out that Adam had helped to create some of the stress that Nikita was dealing with by not settling things with Lisa before he left. Adam of course didn’t want to hear that as he felt that he was still right to be upset with Lisa. Michael didn’t care who was right or wrong. Either Adam or Lisa needed to be the bigger person and get them both over whatever had them hating each other right now.
Michael didn’t dare enter Sabina’s room and he eased the door closed again. She was deeply asleep but would wake up if Michael entered. She was just like Nikita when it came to knowing when he was around.
Michael was surprised to see that the light was still on in their room. He entered to see Nikita looked up at the ceiling with the satin sheet over her body. She was staring up at the ceiling.
“Things are locked up downstairs,” Michael reported as he turned and eased the door shut. Nikita nodded her head but she didn’t look at him. Michael held back his sigh as he knew that Nikita would react in a way that wouldn’t help right now. He pulled his pants off and then slipped his shirt off over his head. “Do you want the light on still?”
“No,” Nikita answered.
Michael turned the light off and slipped underneath the newly washed sheets. He placed a hand underneath his head as he settled in beside Nikita. She was staring up at the ceiling and Michael mimicked her for a while, trying to figure out what was going on.
But he was lost.
“Kita… I need you to talk to me… I don’t like you being this quiet… and I know that something is going on…”
Michael waited and turned his head to look at her.
“I’m afraid,” Nikita meekly whispered as she didn’t dare move her head to look at him.
Michael’s heart started to pound. “Afraid of me?”
“No,” Nikita neatly replied quickly, but she didn’t look at him. It eased some of Michael’s instant worry, but he knew that there was something big going on.
“Can you give me tonight…. To not judge me… and just let me be… with my fears… to just let me talk about them… so I can have tonight… because I only can have tonight… to be this way… it won’t be acceptable tomorrow… so can you let me be afraid tonight? Can I tell you everything that I’m thinking about… and know that tomorrow you won’t hold it against me… because it is only for tonight?” Nikita slowly but steady questioned with a quivering voice.
“There is nothing that you can’t think about only tonight…”
“I have to be ok tomorrow… but I need these hours… right now… to be scared.”
Michael rolled up as he looked at Nikita, but she wouldn’t look at him. “Kita… what’s going on?”
Nikita turned her head away from Michael with a strangled cry. She clenched her fist into the sheets and Michael felt the answer as she said it. “I’m pregnant.”
And Nikita fell apart.
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