| Subject: Priority Mail 479 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Tuesday, August 28, 10:58:29pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 469+" on Wednesday, July 25, 06:47:58pm
Michael walked into the house, leading Ellie into the silent house. She looked around and Michael stopped. “Reagan took Sabina out.”
“What’s going on?” Ellie questioned as she took in Michael’s haggard look. He pressed his hands together and parted his lips. He was going to talk and then he stopped. Looking up the stairs, Ellie watched as Michael trembled. “Michael?”
“I can’t… betray Nikita… and we’ll get to it… together,” Michael declared as he didn’t even give Ellie a hint as he walked upstairs. He paused at the door and knocked on it. He pushed the door open and Nikita gasped as she looked at the doctor.
Ellie gasped also. Nikita was worse than Michael and she pushed her hands to her face. “I’m… much better, Michael.”
“We need to confirm, Kita,” Michael replied as he walked to the bed and settled down next to Nikita. Nikita looked at Michael and Ellie saw a panic settle into her eyes. Ellie shook her head and exhaled. “Is this PTSD flashes we need to confirm?”
“I can’t have those,” Nikita declared as she looked at Michael. “Michael… please… I just… know…”
“Kita..”
“Someone has to tell me what is going on,” Ellie firmly spoke as she crossed her arms. Nikita looked at Michael and nodded her head.
“Nikita believes she is pregnant,” Michael whispered and Ellie looked at Nikita. “Believes? Did you take a test?”
Nikita jerked her head away and shook it. “Please… don’t make me…”
“Kita… it isn’t like…”
“I remember it… so vividly, Michael… can you… can you think… about it without a chill?” Nikita challenged Michael as she curled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them. “I… I feel that coldness, Michael… of that room… how I had to sneak… sneak… to…”
Ellie stepped forward and swallowed. It was clear that Nikita was trying to stop the PTSD flash. Ellie fretted as she realized that she wasn’t going to have an answer that Nikita wanted to have. The impact of PTSD on her baby.
Ellie stopped her thoughts – she had to prove that Nikita was pregnant first.
“I can’t… I can’t… have a flash… and I’m not… going to… and last night… was for fears… and sadness… and pain…” Nikita explained but that last word got to Ellie. “Pain? Where you in pain last night, Nikita?”
“In… my… heart…and head…” Nikita pointed to her chest and then she grabbed Michael’s hand. “I can’t… take a test... I know that I am… that’s all…”
“I can take a blood test,” Ellie interrupted Nikita as she stepped closer to Nikita and reached for Nikita’s hand. “And I’m going to be honest with you, I’ve never research the impact of PTSD on pregnancy… but I can’t think that fighting so much against the flashes is good for the baby too, Nikita.”
Nikita covered her mouth and dropped her head to her knees. Michael rubbed at Nikita’s back. He had a story there but he couldn’t talk right now. It was clear that seeing Nikita like this had rocked Michael’s center of being. She didn’t know how Michael got thru this by himself last night with Nikita. “You should have called me last night.”
“Couldn’t,” Michael swung his head from side to side.
“Nikita…” Ellie spoke after several minutes, but Nikita shook her head slightly. “Nikita… let’s get the blood test taken…”
“If it will be easier to run it at lab… faster?” Michael inquired and Ellie nodded her head. “It would be… it would only take me about an hour. Of course…”
“No,” Michael shook his head as he stopped Ellie from talking about a urine test. There was no way that was going to happen. “Nikita had to steal a home pregnancy test… and take it in a public restroom… during a mission… while she was Operations… no privacy really… and it was all by herself… rushing… already fairly late…”
Ellie shuttered her eyes as she grounded her teeth together. She was in Section at that time. She was terrified of Nikita as Operations. Ellie wasn’t sure what she would have done if Operations would have come to her, but she sure wouldn’t have told anyone. But then, Ellie would have probably been afraid that she would be cancelled if she had known anything personal about Nikita at that point. She didn’t know how Nikita did it. She really didn’t know.
Ellie sat on the side of the bed and rubbed at Nikita’s shoulders. “Come on…. We’ll get this confirmed… and I’ll start research at that point… but being like this… and uncertain… it isn’t good for you… with or without being pregnant.”
But Ellie’s words didn’t comfort Nikita. It was difficult to get the blood drawn and it was difficult to leave with Nikita like this. Ellie tried to have the couple let her call Rhoda over to stay with them, but they didn’t want anyone to know what was going on yet.
It was too early.
Ellie got Nikita to talk a bit more. Nikita explained her theory that she was going to have one day, which was almost up, of being terrified and then she was going to be happy about the pregnancy, if she was pregnant. There was no way that it was going to be that easy, but Nikita had made up her mind. But Ellie was afraid that Nikita was setting herself up for a bigger failure.
Being a doctor, Ellie had trained herself to stop thinking with her gut, but as she went to run the test, she knew that the results were going to be positive. She knew that Michael wanted a child and if they weren’t using protection, there was some part of Nikita that wanted a child. If that was because that was what Michael wanted, it was going to be a long pregnancy. But Nikita was a great mother, although she never allowed herself to see it in herself.
Michael had called her while she walked into the lab and spoke more about what had happened over night and how he had seen a stronger panic in Nikita’s eyes than he ever saw before. Ellie knew that it had to be significant since Michael had been Nikita’s trainer when she entered Section. That was to be when she was on rock bottom – most would have thought she would have been the most frightened then. It was those thoughts that were in Ellie’s mind that Michael openly admitted that he had given Nikita the permission to change her mind about being pregnant.
It spoke volumes.
Michael valued Nikita more than she knew. But Ellie also knew that Nikita valued Michael much the same. Any part of him was too valuable. If she had been able to hide when she was pregnant with Sabina while in Section, she could easily handle this pregnancy, but it was going to be a completely different experience.
One that Ellie was not the best trained to handle.
With the results in her hand, she returned to the house, feeling the tension that was inside from looking from the outside in. She entered as she had been given a key. She knew that Michael had only taken time away from Nikita to call her. She pushed open their door and saw Michael rubbing Nikita’s hand.
Nikita looked at Ellie and dropped her knees as she nodded her head. “Positive.”
Michael turned to look at Ellie while squeezing Nikita’s hand tighter.
“Yes,” Ellie rasped and Nikita chewed on her bottom lip.
Then she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She continued to take another one and then another one. Michael glanced at Nikita and then back to the doctor. He shrugged his shoulders. It was clear that this was not the reaction that Michael was anticipating.
Opening her blue eyes, Nikita looked at Michael. She half smiled. “We are going to have a baby.”
“Yes,” Michael nodded his head up and down as he wasn’t sure about this reaction.
“I’m going to get you some prenatal vitamins…” Ellie spoke although it seemed to be something random to just say something.
Nikita turned and leaned her head down on Michael’s shoulder. “This is… all new to me, Michael.”
Michael kissed Nikita’s forehead and smiled. “I’m here for you, Kita.”
Nikita took his hand and placed it down on her stomach. She bit back tears and looked at Michael. “I didn’t get to touch…. Like this… with Sabina… and you didn’t know… so… I needed this…”
Michael touched Nikita’s cheek and kissed it tenderly as he kept his hand against her flat stomach. “Things are going to have to change… you are going to have to slow down…”
“I know,” Nikita nodded her head up and down as she seemed almost at peace.
Ellie stepped out of the room, feeling like she had just stepped into another universe. She wasn’t sure if this was what Nikita truly felt or if this was an act that Nikita was putting on for Michael’s benefit. But Nikita did seem happier knowing.
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