| Subject: Priority Mail 367 (no warning needed) |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Friday, January 06, 11:41:30pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 360+" on Friday, December 23, 11:56:06pm
Michael was almost sure that the clock indicated that it was 7 am in the morning. In ways, it made sense but in other ways, he wondered how all that time vanished so quickly. He turned his head and propped his body up to look over at Nikita as she shifted in bed. He knew that they both needed more sleep, but right now he liked looking at Nikita.
Michael also knew that since he wasn’t sleeping, Nikita would soon wake. He was not surprised when her blue eyes opened to look right at him. She smiled and then shifted in the bed. He observed and tilted his head down some. “How do you feel, Kita?”
Nikita forced out a smile and moved her hand against his bare chest. Michael knew that move too well. He took Nikita’s hand off of his chest and kissed her fingers gently. “No subterfuge here, Kita. You have no reason to worry about telling me the truth.”
Nikita pulled her hand away as she closed her eyes, a blush crossing her face. Then she opened her eyes and looked at Michael again. “I’m sore.”
Michael nodded his head as he crossed the mere inches that separated them and kissed her lips gently. He pulled away and continued to look down at her. “I would say that I’m sorry… but that wouldn’t be the truth… I like that you are sore.”
Nikita playfully slapped at Michael’s bare chest as she pushed her body up to lean against the plush headboard. “We are getting old, aren’t we?”
“Maybe we just need to practice more often,” Michael pointed out as he winked at Nikita. Nikita swallowed hard. “Man… my body says it is sore… but it also can’t say no to you.”
“Well, you aren’t the only one… wondering how to make the soreness go away,” Michael reached out and twirled a piece of her hair into his hands. Michael sighed as he leaned against the bed frame, suddenly having a lot of thoughts that he needed to keep to himself.
He had moments like this. Things that he wanted to talk to Nikita about, but he never did. Not because it would be difficult for him, but because he feared what his thoughts would do to Nikita. But these things were important and he found himself putting it off more and more.
“What is it, Michael?” Nikita questioned as she caught Michael’s look of introspective.
“Nothing,” Michael shook his head as he brushed his fingers against her neck, but not dropping her hair. But much like he had done to Nikita moments prior, Nikita took his fingers off of her hair and stared straight at him. “No subterfuge, Michael.”
Michael shook his head slightly. “That’s not it, Kita. It’s too soon.”
Nikita jerked her head as she sat up a bit more, pulling her legs up slightly with a wince. “It is something, Michael. You are thinking about it. You are afraid of my reaction… and that isn’t good.”
Michael sighed and shook his head again. “Kita… sometimes I think too far ahead…”
“No,” Nikita declared with a frown. “There is something you clearly don’t want to talk to me about. We need to talk about those things… even if it hurts me to talk about it. You hiding it… and stewing it about in your head… makes things worse.”
Michael knew that Nikita had a point, but still, he couldn’t easily just ask this question. “Kita… its stuff that I shouldn’t even be thinking about right now.”
Nikita groaned as she rolled her eyes. “You are making me more anxious by beating around the bush, Michael. I know that I haven’t been the most emotionally stable person… but I’ve gotten thru everything. I think I should be able to answer a question for you… and discuss whatever it is that has you all troubled right now.”
“I’m not troubled… just… wondering,” Michael rasped as he pressed some fingers against his lips. He pulled them away and observed as Nikita simply arched an eyebrow, indicating that she was waiting for him. Pulling in all of the will power he had, Michael sighed as he turned his body to look at Nikita. “Would you have another baby with me?”
He felt like he had slapped Nikita instead of simple asking her question as he saw the flash of emotions rollercoaster across her face and Nikita even jerked her head away from looking at him. But seconds later, Nikita snorted and looked back at him. “I think I’m a bit old now to have a baby…”
“You aren’t old,” Michael shook his head as he blinked his eyes as he knew that this was the simple answer from Nikita.
“Michael… I am…”
“We have to worry about protection… so you aren’t too old… we aren’t too old,” Michael reached out and touched her arm. Nikita patted Michael’s arm. “Adam is a teenager… and Sabina is almost seven… I think we are fine.”
Michael stroked Nikita’s arm and swallowed. “I think… it would give us the chance to enjoy a pregnancy… something that neither of us ever got to experience.”
Nikita stiffened as she shook her head again. “Sabina needs us right now… we just got her.”
Michael touched Nikita’s face to have her look at him again. “She has us right now. She wouldn’t lose us if we had another baby. And this isn’t about what Sabina needs… this is about us.”
“It is about our family,” Nikita shook her head. “Adam was a single child… with a single father… and now he has me and Sabina in his life…”
“And he couldn’t be happier,” Michael interrupted Nikita quickly. Nikita paused and pulled her legs up more. “Michael… I don’t know…”
“Sabina is a miracle… you gave me that miracle… you gave us that miracle… but another baby… that would be a gift to ourselves… a gift to experience everything… I didn’t get to do much when Elena was pregnant with Adam…” Michael started to speak with soft words. It was clear that he had thought about this a good bit and Nikita was listening to him.
“Elena told me… about when she got big how she could see Adam’s feet and hands on the surface of her stomach… and I never got to see that… And I know that you… probably blocked everything out of your mind… that you have no reference… of being pregnant… and it should be a joyful time… and we could have that…” Michael took Nikita’s hand into his and squeezed it. “Tell me why it scares you to even consider it?”
Nikita coughed slightly as she blinked back tears as Michael’s words were so moving. He was right. She had heard stories of mother seeing their child move inside of them, but Nikita didn’t even think she felt Sabina except when it was time to deliver. “I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Michael… and we think that I didn’t sense anything with pregnancy… but what if I did… and what if it throws me into huge PTSD flashes… that scare Sabina and Adam… and could hurt the baby…”
“Maybe if you were alone,” Michael shook his head slightly. “But I would never make you, Kita… you do know that, right?”
Nikita sighed as she turned slightly and leaned her head against Michael’s shoulder. “If something would happen… and it happened unplanned… I would love that child, Michael… and I don’t want you to worry about that…”
“I wouldn’t even think to worry about that.”
Nikita nodded her head slightly. “But to actively try to get… pregnant… I don’t think I’m ready to do that, Michael.”
“I understand.”
Nikita pulled her head away slightly to reach over and touch Michael’s face. “I’m not… saying no… I just… can’t say yes right now. You know that there is a difference between those things, right?”
Michael smiled gently as he knew what Nikita was saying. “You might… change your mind…”
“I’m unsure of what my answer is right now… nothing to change if I don’t have an answer, Michael… I just know that it isn’t the right time… we need more time as a family.”
Michael nodded his head as Nikita settled her head back down on his shoulder. They sat there for a long time, Michael stroking his fingers over Nikita’s hand. He looked slightly at her and groaned. “That was not what I expected to do this morning…”
“I think it was the most important thing for us,” Nikita responded without looking at him.
“I had plans…”
“I thought we accomplished all the activities… Fast, slow, passionate, hot and wet,” Nikita deadpanned as she tilted her head slightly. “I think we got a few extra… and I’m not sure… but I think we doubled-up on the wet…”
Michael laughed as he shook his head. Only Nikita could do this right now and it was the right thing. He shifted and wrapped his arms around her chest. “I think we both need some more sleep before we can think of that list…”
“So we are missing something?”
“That is going to be a surprise,” Michael whispered into Nikita’s ear as he guided them back down to the pillows and closed his eyes. Only to open them and watch Nikita until she fell asleep first.
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