| Subject: Priority Mail 288 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Monday, July 25, 08:08:24pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 280+" on Tuesday, July 12, 08:43:57pm
It had been quiet since Nikita entered the coffee shop and sat down across from her. It was clear that Nikita was thinking a lot and that she just needed the time to decompress while sitting down without Michael or anyone else around. But it didn’t make it any easier to sit there and wait, but that was what Beatrice continued to do, wait.
Pushing the coffee away, Nikita looked at Beatrice and exhaled. “It was too easy to handle.”
“Retrieving Lisa?” Beatrice inquired and Nikita nodded her head up and down. “I slipped into mission mode… I hate that it is so easy to slip into that mode.”
“You probably won’t lose that ability,” Beatrice pointed out and Nikita frowned. It was clear that she wished that it was harder on her to slip into mission mode. Beatrice tilted her head. “Or was it scarier that Michael slipped into it with you?”
“He has been out longer,” Nikita rasped with a sharp look of pain in her eyes. She thought for a second and took a long deep breath before continuing. “But it was also… comforting… and I feel guilty about that.”
Beatrice watched as Nikita turned her cup on the table and then looked up towards her. “We all want to feel safe and I think you are lucky to have a man that can help you feel that way.”
Nikita took her hand away from the cup and rubbed it along her neck. She pulled out a clip and pulled her hair up messily as she continued to think deeply. Nikita looked around and then leaned towards Beatrice a bit more. “I feel guiltier…”
“About?”
“I was able to retrieve Lisa… and not my daughter,” Nikita admitted as she leaned away from Beatrice and stared out the window. It took a lot out of Nikita to admit that and she needed time to just recognize that she had said it. Beatrice wisely waited and was rewarded when Nikita picked up the conversation again. “I know that I won’t be able to slip into mission mode when I find her… it will be different… and that scares me because I’m afraid that I might have to pull off more manipulations than what I did to get Lisa… and if I’m not in mission mode… it could make it worse… and I might lose what I’m trying to get.”
Then Nikita picked up the coffee and took a sip. She placed it down and blinked her eyes. “God… It feels good just saying it.”
“It does, doesn’t it?” Beatrice inquired and Nikita nodded her head up and down. “I’m not hiding from it.”
“You won’t be hiding from it once you tell Michael… this is just you practicing telling Michael what you’ve just told me,” Beatrice sagely pointed out as she took a moment to wave her attention to the waitress for another round of coffee. “But I don’t think you are going to not tell him.”
“It’s so much easier once I say it once… it sits in my head… it feels forever… and once I said it…” Nikita blinked her eyes and before she could continue, more coffee had arrived. Beatrice took a sip and exhaled happily. “What else has been happening?”
“You don’t want to talk more about this mission mode thing?”
“It won’t be a problem,” Beatrice shook her head slightly. “It might hurt you more going thru getting your daughter… you might feel every emotion a lot more acutely than you did with Lisa… but you’ll do what you have to do for your daughter. I have no doubt.”
Nikita blinked her eyes and took a sip of the fresh coffee. Nikita placed it down and smiled slightly. “I guess this is becoming easier.”
“That’s good.”
Nikita chuckled and looked around the coffee shop. “I’ll need to introduce you to Lisa… she is going to need to talk to someone about what she saw. We can’t risk anyone else.”
“I have an open calendar,” Beatrice replied back as she still waited. Nikita tilted her head and exhaled. “I have to do more work as the Angel… so that nothing seems too odd about what happened…”
“Will you be able to do that from here?”
Nikita nodded her head. “I have my ways.”
“Are you ever going to tell anyone about them?” Beatrice inquired and Nikita shook her head. Beatrice knew that Nikita fiercely believed that she was protecting them all by not divulging the details. Beatrice wasn’t sure about that, but that was not an issue to address now. “I don’t think… anyone knows how much good you have done.”
“Good?” Nikita questioned as she shook her head. “Just making up for…the bad.”
“You didn’t do the bad,” Beatrice shook her head. Nikita tensed up and rolled her shoulders back. “I did.”
“You didn’t have a choice.”
“I did have a choice,” Nikita whispered as she looked at Beatrice. It was a reality that she admitted to although Beatrice wish she could see it more as if she had no choice. Nikita looked outside and blinked her eyes. “I know that in ways… this is all borrowed time.”
“It isn’t,” Beatrice shook her head softly but Nikita didn’t look towards her. She was watching the world outside and Beatrice saw that they had so much further to go with Nikita than she had thought just moments earlier.
No one said this was going to be easy.
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