| Subject: Priority Mail 293 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Tuesday, August 02, 08:30:24pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 289+" on Tuesday, July 26, 11:13:08pm
Beatrice looked at Lisa and leaned forward. “I know that it can be scary having to talk to a therapist. But I don’t want you to think of me as a therapist. I want to be your friend.”
Lisa just sat there and she was thinking. Beatrice knew not to push too quickly and she leaned back and rolled her shoulders back as if she was relaxing.
“This isn’t Freudian… and there are no arts and crafts so this isn’t art therapy,” Lisa spoke and Beatrice exhaled. She had knowledge that Lisa was smart and this was something she was going to be challenged with in order to get thru to Lisa. “Are we going to be going behavioral? That would be hard because you haven’t seen my behavior. I don’t have dreams so there can’t be dream analysis… and I haven’t had a family for long so no family systems.”
“What I am for you Lisa is what you need me to be,” Beatrice explained as she was scrambling a bit. She knew from too much experience that people who knew a bit more about therapy were difficult. Especially someone who was book educated. Although they were still easier than helping out therapists themselves.
“I just… want to know why I couldn’t stay with Nikita,” Lisa asked and Beatrice knew that this was a challenge statement. Lisa was throwing out this hot topic, one that did hurt her a lot, to see if she could trust Beatrice. There was also the answer that Lisa wanted to hear back from Beatrice. She was going to try to figure out what type of therapist Beatrice was based upon Beatrice’s answer.
She wasn’t playing this game.
“Why do you think you couldn’t stay with her?” Beatrice asked and Lisa rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t be asking you if I knew.”
Beatrice smirked. “I didn’t ask if you knew why. But I see that you are very intelligent. I want to know what things you think motivated Nikita in this decision. Clearly you have some thoughts. Or just instant reactions that you haven’t told anyone about.”
Lisa chewed on the inside of her mouth. Beatrice watched, wondering where Lisa was going to go. She was either going to low ball her, by giving her a reason for not letting her stay with her that was easy to explain or she was going to high ball Beatrice and give her a reason that could very close to one of the hard reasons why Nikita couldn’t keep her.
“She doesn’t want me near Adam,” Lisa replied and Beatrice knew that she was staring off with the easy things for her to put to rest. “That’s interesting… Do you know Adam?”
“No. But Nikita doesn’t want me to meet him,” Lisa defended herself quickly and Beatrice nodded her head. “Have you felt like your best version of yourself lately, Lisa? Maybe she is waiting for you to get used to the new surroundings… let you settle and adjust to what has happened… before you have to start building new relationships with people your own peers. Those relationships can take a lot out of you, especially if you aren’t in a really good place.”
Lisa swallowed and turned her head away. She heard a very valid explanation for where she had started. “I guess… it’s easier to blame Adam…”
“And?”
“I remind Nikita of Section,” Lisa pointed out. Beatrice nodded her head. “Yes. But a lot of things remind Nikita of Section. There are probably some things that remind you of Section.”
“Doctor’s offices,” Lisa immediately replied as she rubbed her hands over her elbows. “I hate going… the tables… although padded… just… remind me…”
“That isn’t the only thing, right?” Beatrice tried to get Lisa to continue to talk.
“Kickball,” Lisa rasped as she shook her head and then looked at Beatrice. “But I remind her a lot of Section.”
“She doesn’t hold that against you. She got you out of there, Lisa,” Beatrice gently pointed out and Lisa exhaled. “But she is out now too… why can’t I just be with her?”
“Has Nikita told you about her childhood?” Beatrice questioned and Lisa shook her head. “What do you think her childhood was like?”
“I never thought about it,” Lisa shrugged her shoulders. “I guess… a room with pink stuff… a dog, maybe… no, probably a cat…”
“She never told you anything?” Beatrice prodded and Lisa swung her head from side to side. “She said she was going to get me a family when I first got out… that she was going to try to find me a great mother and father to love me… and she tried…”
“I think she is still trying,” Beatrice explained and Lisa frowned. “But what does this have to do with Nikita’s childhood?”
“She didn’t have a pink room… I don’t even think she really had her own room…” Beatrice gently replied.
Lisa stood up and walked around her chair before looking to Beatrice. “She wants me to have a pink room.”
“How do you know that?”
“When I first met her… I was in the corner… and she said something about making my dreams come true… that I would get…” Lisa then drifted off and Beatrice raised an eyebrow. Lisa sat down and looked directly at the therapist. “Ok… so she is trying to give me something that I didn’t have.”
“And maybe she is trying to give Rhoda and Nat something that they didn’t have?” Beatrice posed the thought now that it was clear that Nikita had done exactly what Beatrice had anticipated that she had done. Nikita had told Lisa when she was so very young that she wanted to give her the life that she didn’t have the chance to have.
“I don’t know them…”
“You don’t really know Nikita either,” Beatrice shrugged her shoulders slightly and Lisa leaned back. “Ok…. Ok…”
“Ok?” Beatrice questioned and Lisa rolled her eyes. “Ok, I get it.”
“Ok, we are doing playing a game so I can prove to you that you can talk to me?” Beatrice questioned and Lisa nodded her head.
Beatrice won, for now.
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