| Subject: Priority Mail 310 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Sunday, September 11, 04:26:41pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 310+" on Sunday, September 11, 04:24:46pm
Nikita settled into the pillow with a sigh as her body hummed with the lingering memories of Michael’s touches. She always found that these moments were oddly comfortable as she turned her head over her shoulder and saw Michael returning from the bathroom. She watched as he got back into the bed and wrapped his arms around her body. She kissed his hands even as they settled around her breasts. “Michael… we should go to sleep.”
“We should,” Michael agreed as he kissed the back of Nikita’s neck. He settled there and continued to move his hands. Nikita suddenly felt something and knew that Michael was thinking about something that he wasn’t just going to speak about. She turned onto her back to look up at Michael. “What are you thinking about?”
Michael knew that he was caught and he didn’t have an answer that was going to be easy to explain. He waited and Nikita didn’t move. He was going to have to tell the truth because Nikita would be able to tell. “Ah… we are getting married…”
Nikita slowly nodded her head. “We are engaged… we’ll get married at some point…”
Michael looked at Nikita’s eyes. He looked down her body and then back up to her blue eyes, hoping that he wasn’t going to cause an emotional uproar. “Do you think… we should have another baby?”
Nikita felt all of the air rush out of her body with that question. Michael felt his pulse race as he saw the color drain out of Nikita’s face and eyes. She then pulled in air and exhaled slowly while she closed her eyes, bringing some of the color back. “Michael… we have to find our daughter first…”
“That doesn’t answer my question,” Michael whispered as he leaned into Nikita. “You could have a chance to really be pregnant… enjoy it… with me…”
Nikita shook her head as she didn’t look at Michael. “Michael, we have Adam and our daughter… and I’m much older now.”
“But that still doesn’t answer the question. Would you want to have another child if there were no other factors going on?” Michael prodded as he watched Nikita lift her eyes to look at him. It was clear that she was conflicted. She shrugged her shoulders. “I can’t think about that world because it doesn’t exist for me.”
“What if…”
“I thought we didn’t play the what if game, Michael,” Nikita interrupted Michael’s statement quickly as she knew that she could easily fall into the what if game in a negative way. Michael touched her face. “Ok… have you thought about it?”
Nikita slowly started to nod her head up and down. “Yeah… I have.”
“Then why shouldn’t we?” Michael questioned. Nikita leaned her head away as she shook it. “Michael… Adam is in high school… and we don’t know about our daughter… and we are both so much older…”
“We aren’t that old,” Michael pointed out and Nikita chuckled. “Michael, it’s a lot harder than you think.”
“You hid that you were pregnant…”
“I was running missions… I was sparring… I was drinking the first couple weeks… I was damn lucky I was even able to maintain that pregnancy… I was scared every moment,” Nikita explained as she blinked her eyes but no tears fell. “I know that I have gotten better with the PTSD, Michael… but I can’t imagine that it would help.”
“We’d get through it.”
“You want this?” Nikita questioned as she sat up slightly. But her voice cracked as she blinked back tears. “Because I don’t know if I can do that for you Michael.”
“I don’t know what I want yet… but I want us to be happy. I don’t want us to look back and regret that we didn’t.”
“We can’t have another child…”
“Because?” Michael inquired. Nikita swallowed. “You can’t get me pregnant and think that it is going to replace the daughter that is out there…”
“I never meant that,” Michael shook his head from side to side. He stroked Nikita’s face. “We are going to find her.”
“That is what matters,” Nikita directed and Michael nodded his head up and down. “I agree… but we also have promised to have a life… and marriage often means… having children.”
“We already have Adam.”
“Kita,” Michael whispered as he stroked her face. “It’s ok to say no… but it is also ok to say yes.”
“And it’s ok to say nothing,” Nikita diverted her eyes as she laid back down and looked up at the ceiling. “Because if I would become pregnant… not because we are trying… but because it just happened… I know that I wouldn’t be alone… and I think that is the only way I could see it happening… I don’t want to try, Michael. I don’t want to try.”
Michael leaned down and pressed his head against her shoulder. “Ok. That’s the answer.”
“Yes, it is,” Nikita declared but Michael thought he heard a hitch in Nikita’s breath that almost seemed to be an indication that her mind had a “but” in it. “Maybe we should look at… some permanent measures then…”
Nikita turned and looked at Michael. “What?”
“So that there won’t be an accident… I could get a vasectomy,” Michael offered and Nikita started to shake her head back and forth. “No… No, Michael.”
“But you said that you don’t want to try to get pregnant,” Michael pointed out and Nikita shifted up onto her side. “I meant that I didn’t want to get into testing for peaks in fertility and not using protection…”
“This is protection, Kita,” Michael shrugged his shoulders and Nikita shook her head. “That is not an option.”
“And that says a lot to me,” Michael announced as he leaned back and took his turn and laying back and staring at the ceiling. Nikita eased over top of his body and studied his eyes. “What do you mean by that?”
Michael cracked a half smile. “It means that you could still change your mind.”
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