| Subject: Priority Mail 190 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Tuesday, March 01, 10:13:47pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 182+" on Friday, February 25, 07:10:01pm
Nikita started down the back stairs and stopped as she saw Michael sitting on the landing. She looked down at him and he reached his arms out for her. Nikita wasn’t sure why he was in this spot, but she wasn’t going to walk away from his offer.
He had gotten her home and put her to be the previous day. She had spent most of the day sleeping and eating. Michael didn’t push her to talk and he just took care of things in the house. She allowed herself rest that finally seemed to do something more than just provide sleep. She did feel some of the heaviness of weariness that had seemed to be with her for years, if not for a whole decade, slip away with just one day of rest.
She was careful of her arm as Nikita shifted into Michael so that her left side of her body was against Michael’s. He stroked her hair back and kissed her neck. “You look better.”
“I feel better,” Nikita nodded her head up and down as she turned and placed her legs over Michael’s. “It’s quiet.”
“Everyone is gone for now,” Michael spoke and Nikita was a bit surprised. She looked at Michael and swallowed hard. “Things got out of control, Michael.”
“I was wrong,” Michael shook his head as he looked at Nikita. “Never should I let anger take over my common sense… I should have known that something was wrong with you.”
Nikita winced and thought about shaking her head negatively, but she stopped. It could just be the beginning of a conversation that would get them back to right where they were right now. Nikita turned to look to the side and then outside the window. “Let’s agree we both were wrong.”
“Ok,” Michael answered as he was happy to find that Nikita wasn’t fighting him. He knew that he was wrong on many levels and Nikita accepting that meant a lot. “I want to fix something too…”
“I’m not broken like that,” Nikita spoke and Michael shook his head as he reached over and stroked her eyebrows. “I know that you aren’t broken.”
Nikita parted her lips and waited for Michael to continue. “Walter said it to me a couple times… and this morning I realize that I don’t believe what he has said…”
“I’m confused…”
“Walter told me that you are trapped inside of Section,” Michael clarified and Nikita dropped her eyes. “But Michael… in ways…”
“No,” Michael interrupted right away. “We both survived Section… that’s what we all did… we survived Section. We are outside of Section now and maybe there are things we do because of our time in Section… but we aren’t stuck there. If you were stuck there… we wouldn’t be able to have this relationship.”
Nikita studied Michael. She had heard many people, not just Walter, suggest that she was locked inside of Section mentally. She felt that way often. She would have agreed to that statement. But now, looking at Michael and where she was sitting, she had a new perspective.
“I know that we both fall back to the ways we were back then… when we were inside of Section. They gave us unique skills that not everyone can have… and there are always downfalls to having any sort of unique skills,” Michael continued to explain as he was sure that Nikita needed to hear this. He took her hands and squeezed them. “It’s like why I don’t let Adam skip a grade or two like he could… I want him to be normal… I know that if he did skip, that he would be unique and different… and that scares me…”
“I don’t think it’s the same,” Nikita rasped and Michael shook his head. “It is… sort of,” Michael sighed.
He knew that he wasn’t making a clear point, but he knew that it was a point. “I sometimes watch Oprah… don’t tell Adam… but she had this genius on once… and he could be doing anything… he worked on some of the hardest math problems in the world… and he decides that he wants to sell cars because that’s what makes him happy… and every once in a while… he just happens to solve a complex math problem.”
Nikita licked her lips and rubbed her fingers along Michael’s. “So… we just solved a complex math problem.”
Michael nodded his head as he closed his eyes. It made it sound so simple, but they needed it to be simple. “Yeah… we solved a math problem. And we don’t have to do that again if we don’t want too.”
Nikita leaned her head against Michael’s shoulder and sighed. “I sent Jason an email.”
Michael didn’t comment right away, but he also was trying to figure out what Nikita’s statement meant. It seemed to be out of place with what they were talking about. He didn’t understand why it was important for Nikita to tell him this.
Nikita’s hand lifted to his cheek and he moved his eyes to concentrate on her again. Nikita held her fingers still as she seemed to be studying him and it was as if Nikita could tell that Michael didn’t understand the importance of what she had said. “It has information on how to access all of my systems.”
Michael couldn’t help it. His head leaned forward. He did not expect this at all. He felt Nikita’s hand drop away and he looked at her head nod up and down. “I… I can’t hold onto them… not like I have been…”
“Kita…”
“I think I listed them all… I’ve been collecting systems and resources… and even houses for a long time,” Nikita rasped as she looked up at the ceiling for a moment to compose her emotions. Nikita’s eyes leveled back to Michael and she licked her lips slightly before continuing. “I got my first house… back when I started to work with Adrian.”
Michael didn’t realize that she had started back then, but he understood it. He had started to collect his own system of resources just before Nikita appeared in his life. “You still… that’s your protection.”
“It’s our protection,” Nikita’s voice trembled as she looked at him. “And hiding it is wrong… it makes me stronger or… makes me at least think that I’m stronger.”
It was Michael’s turn to lift a hand to her face. Nikita closed her eyes and took some deep breathes as he stroked her face gently. Nikita turned her head and kissed Michael’s palm as she unshuttered her blue eyes. “There are lots of things in those systems… that I never want to think about again… things I wish I didn’t know about…”
“Like Peter and Sasha?” Michael inquired and Nikita nodded her head up and down. “There is some good news… Rudy is safe… it wasn’t all bad.”
“That’s good,” Michael whispered as he sighed and pulled Nikita towards him. “Do you want to get something to eat? We’ve been here for a while.”
“I want to stay here,” Nikita admitted as she looked down to her legs on Michael’s. “I know that we find a way to talk… and we do it for a while… and then things melt down… I melt down… I have to stop that trend.”
“I can’t give up on trying to find ways to talk to you,” Michael countered as he didn’t let Nikita think she had to take that task on her own. It had to be both of their responsibilities to work at talking about the hard things. “It will become easier… it is becoming easier.”
“I feel just a little bit of stress coming off of me… by giving Jason the access…” Nikita admitted as she shifted to pull her weight off of her shoulder again.
“Little bit by little bit,” Michael agreed as he wanted her to continue to talk if they weren’t going to eat.
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