| Subject: Priority Mail 191 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Wednesday, March 02, 07:24:18pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 191+" on Wednesday, March 02, 07:22:29pm
Michael didn’t look at his watch, but they had been there with each other on the stairs for at least a half hour, but neither made a move to adjust or leave. Nikita then pulled her head slightly off of Michael and he saw that she had found more of a resolve inside of herself.
She was ready to talk about something.
“Before we went on… the.. mis—before we went to rescue Veronica,” Nikita stammered as she almost said that it was a mission. She forced her nerves to calm by taking a long deep breath and opening her eyes again. “I had several PTSD flashes.”
“I know,” Michael answered as he didn’t want Nikita to make them into too big of a deal. It was unnecessary for her to get upset and angry at herself for not telling him at the moment. There was really no chance in those hours for her to talk about those things that had flashed in her mind.
Nikita trembled as she looked down at her hands as she twisted them about. “It was flashes… so… vivid… and of perhaps the part of my life that I’m the most scared about…”
Michael took Nikita’s hands and squeezed them. “I’m here.”
Nikita nodded her head up and down. “I don’t remember a lot of the details…from when… you know, the Gelman process…”
“And now you remember something?”
“Ah… I don’t know if it was a pure flash… or if it was what I wanted myself to be thinking… I could see my body doing what I had done… but I don’t remember those details other than being told how I was… and I remembered seeing my hand extended a gun towards you… and pulling the trigger… but I was inside… screaming.. and screaming… My body didn’t listen to what my head was telling it to do… no control,” Nikita stumbled over her words as she continued to talk even though it was clear that it was hard. Nikita huffed out some hair and rolled her head forward. Michael rubbed Nikita’s neck and waited.
She lifted her head. “Maybe they are the memories… the real ones… because I want to think that I was able to get myself back… because some part of me didn’t let go… and I would have fought… I know that if I was in my mind… that I would have screamed about what I did to you… almost did…”
“Adrian said something along those lines… that something inside of you had to fight against it but she wasn’t sure if it was possible because what happened came out of the blue… I have a feeling she had an idea what was about to happen to her,” Michael revealed as he wasn’t sure he had ever given Nikita too many details about what he had learned from Adrian about the Gelman Process.
Nikita sat there and she was thinking, hard. There were times that Michael would have never been able to read Nikita, but he could see all of the emotions crossing her face right now. “Kita?”
“They were four weeks away from the conversion supposively becoming permanent… so why did they risk bringing me back before it was all the way done? Why even expose me to you when there was a chance…” Nikita questioned and Michael swallowed. He had wondered about that also. He had a simple answer. “They were always about their games and experiments on their operatives. They had too much fun trying to rub it in my face… and maybe tried to use it to absolutely get rid of me…”
Nikita thought about it for a second and she leaned her head back against the wall now. “It doesn’t make sense. I can’t see how they took the risk… but then…”
Michael leaned forwards as Nikita looked down the stairs. “Kita?”
Nikita returned her gaze to look at him. “Madeline was an enigma.”
“Yes,” Michael nodded his head in agreement. “She was.”
“At times it was like she wanted exactly what Paul wanted… to make us some sort of Pavlov dogs… and other times… I think she made moves that were counter-productive to Paul and made it so he didn’t know about it,” Nikita said as she was tiptoeing around what she wanted to say. Michael went along with it. “Did you find proof of that?”
“In the servers? Yeah… they played against each other all time… an extreme game of cat and mouse,” Nikita nodded her head up and down. She shifted her legs and took Michael’s hand. “But I found something that made me start thinking about Madeline differently… that maybe a lot of her cat and mouse game was just a show as a way to stay alive herself…”
“What did you find?” Michael inquired as he was stunned to hear this. Madeline could have had mixed motives, but this was a different take on the woman who was second in command.
“Diaries,” Nikita spoke and then she coughed as she shook her head. “Hand-written diaries.”
Michael knew that if it was an electronic diary, Operations would have found it. But still, it didn’t seem like Madeline was the diary type of woman. “How do you know that it was hers?”
“I compared the handwriting samples… and it wasn’t just one diary, Michael… it was tons of them,” Nikita indicated as she pulled her legs off of Michael’s and turned so that she was pressed against the wall, facing the bottom of the stairs like Michael was. “Paul never entered her office and her standby quarters after she passed away… they were left untouched… I found them in a secret component in her office…”
Michael turned towards Nikita. “Did you read them?”
“Some of them,” Nikita nodded her head. “I stopped around the time that they were trying to kill me after Adrian…”
Nikita smirked. “Madeline said in her diary that if she didn’t have to be so upset about my involvement with Adrian, she would have been happy to say that she was proud of the smart and intelligent move that I had made in aligning with Adrian.”
Michael’s mouth dropped. “Wow…”
Nikita shrugged her shoulders. “I could have answers about what happened to me, Michael.”
“Nikita…”
“No,” Nikita protested as she shook her head. “Listen… It makes no sense why I was brought back when the Gelman Process could have been undone… and I think it was Madeline.”
“Kita…”
“Look,” Nikita pressed a hand against Michael’s chest. “She wrote in one of the first diaries that I really read… it was about my second full year of training… something like ‘the theory would be best supportive if all operatives were programmed to work in the same work ethic and thought process but that with the introduction of humanity and an emotional compass that mission perimeters and options are now created that could feasibly support the continued support of two operatives that were almost the ying and yang’… and it was in regards to your struggle with me… She thought we were the ying and yang… that we were stronger because I had something different…”
Michael tilted his head and shook it. “Kita…”
“I’m afraid to read those diaries… but what if she knew that it was wrong… I know that she did the Gelman Process to me… but maybe she knew… that it was ruining… what she thought was good… but she couldn’t admit,” Nikita tried to pose the thoughts. Michael blinked his eyes. It was a stretch, but it did sound like something that Madeline would do. “If she posed it as a trial to see how I would react… Paul would have jumped at it.”
“Because he liked to see us in pain… He wanted to show that he had the power… by having me walking around without who I was… scared operatives and he loved that kind of power,” Nikita commented as she licked her lips. “But I could be wrong… or I could find something out that is worse…”
Nikita’s voice cracked as she thought about Peter and Sasha. Michael wrapped a hand around her waist as he didn’t want to touch her shoulder. “When you are ready… we can get those answers.”
Nikita rubbed her hands and looked at Michael. “I remember the hologram that you used… when you were marked for elimination.”
“Oh…” Michael smirked and Nikita cleared her throat. “I used it in my perch... when I needed to talk to someone…”
Michael leaned his head back and swallowed hard. “Oh, Kita…”
“I was able to talk to your hologram… and plan out of the missions… it worked…” Nikita’s eyes filled with tears as she leaned her body to the side and finally had her head down on Michael’s lap. He stroked her hair for a long time and he looked down at her. “What can I do now?”
Nikita pulled up and wiped her hands across her wet cheeks. She didn’t respond and finally responded, “Cook me French toast?”
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