| Subject: Priority Mail 108 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Sunday, January 02, 10:54:08am
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 107+" on Saturday, January 01, 10:10:07pm
“Stop,” Rhoda spoke as she stood outside the door as both Michael and Dr. Ellie Hlad came into the clinic. They both looked passed Rhoda and she shook her head. “I can’t say that she is fine… the clinic doctor offered some muscle relaxers for the back spasms but Nikita wouldn’t allow for it.”
Michael looked at Dr. Hlad as she shook her head sadly. Michael stepped forward and extended his hand towards Rhoda. Rhoda swallowed hard. “I can’t…”
“She’ll take it,” Michael spoke as he looked at his hand again and waited for Rhoda to hand over the needle after she had glanced to Dr. Hlad for indication that it was ok for this to happen.
“Michael,” Ellie loudly said as he started to step towards the door. Michael looked over his shoulder at the doctor. “We can’t continue to get to this point this often. Something has to change.”
Michael stopped as he turned to look at Ellie and then Rhoda. “Once I got out of the locked lab… I started to make changes. The lab will be out of the house by noon.”
It had not taken long for one of Davenport’s partners to get Michael out of the lab before Michael resorted to calling Adam. But in that short amount of time, Nikita had disappeared from the other partner that was also watching the house. It was a bad time for Davenport to have the night off, but Michael had no doubt that Nikita would have made the slip on Davenport too.
It also had not taken long for Michael to comprehend what Nikita was speaking about being in the lab. He felt it while he was locked in the lab. The specialized bins that had been used to transport the biologicals that he had to start processing to hopefully isolated their daughter’s DNA was in there. Staring at the bins gave Michael such a mix of emotions that he couldn’t imagine how it felt to Nikita. He realized in those first few minutes that he had to get it out of the house in order for Nikita to come back to the house.
“She thinks she needs more medicine…” Rhoda rasped as she looked at Michael and then Dr. Hlad. “I don’t know what kind of law enforcement she was in… but medicine isn’t going to be the only cure to PTSD.”
“Spasms first,” Michael’s voice was steady and firm as he opened the door. He didn’t feel steady and firm as he entered the room. Each time he had ever seen Nikita on a medical bed, from when she was first brought into Section and before she was awakened to start training, to now, it made him almost sick to his stomach to see her on that bed. It was a sense that there was to be more about her life than being on a bed in a bad way. It was difficult to move forward but Michael kept his hand with the syringe down and approached Nikita. “Thank god you came to Rhoda.”
Nikita opened her eyes and Michael saw how red and angry they were right now with pain. But Nikita parted her lips and then licked them. “I wasn’t leaving. I couldn’t stay there.”
Then Nikita started to groan as she moved, trying to roll the spasm out of her back. Michael swallowed as he knew what had to happen first. Yet he moved closer and stroked Nikita’s face. “You didn’t need to leave, Kita. I’m taking care of the situation… the house will be just a house in a couple hours.”
Nikita shook her head. “That’s your work… that’s how you are home for Adam. You can’t do that for me…”
“I will do that for you,” Michael nodded his head up and down. “And I’m going to do this for you.”
Nikita’s mouth dropped open as she felt Michael insert the syringe into her arm. She stared at him with some sort of emotion and Michael reached out with his other hand for a band aid while pulling the syringe out. Michael placed the band aid on her arm although it wasn’t needed. “For the back spasms, Kita.”
Nikita turned her head away as Michael deposited the syringe into the biohazard container before coming back to her side. He pulled a stool over and got it at a level that he could be right there at Nikita’s eyes. “You can’t be in command right now, Nikita. You spent years in control and in command of everything. But you are outside of that now and you aren’t in control. You have to trust me on some things… let me have control for the time being until you can see that you don’t need to command and order any longer.”
Nikita closed her eyes and then opened them. “Yesterday… I was back in that bed… when Roberta...”
Michael choppily exhaled as he felt his heart expand with compassion. “You can’t change the past… and that is all that it was Kita.”
“She got closure… I had to give her what she wanted… It wasn’t what I needed…” Nikita rolled her head up slightly to look up at the ceiling. “I tried to control… my thoughts… and then during the exam… I was thinking about the rape…”
“Kita…” Michael whispered as he stroked her chin lightly. “I know about that…”
“The second one?” Nikita inquired as she saw Michael’s eyes darken and then she nodded her head. “Not just the one boyfriend, Michael… some jock…”
“Kita…” Michael whispered again as he continued to touch her. “None of that changes what I feel about you… and what you can be now…”
“And then… I remembered our daughter… how she was already crowning by the time Walter started to process…” Nikita placed her palm against the tip of her nose. Michael took her hand away and swiped at the tears. “You should have told me everything you were thinking about.”
Nikita winced as she closed her eyes slightly. Michael knew that it was the medicine and he waited right there. He wasn’t leaving and he watched Nikita even as the door opened to the room. He turned his head to see Dr. Hlad walking in. “She took the medicine?”
“I administered it,” Michael replied as he turned his focus back on Nikita. “She hasn’t slept.”
Dr. Hlad moved closer. “You forced her to take the medicine?”
“Does it matter?” Michael inquired as he turned his head to look at Dr. Hlad. When there was no reply, Michael focused back on Nikita. “I should have forced her to take the Ativan… She was on edge since the appointment.”
“Most patients with PTSD don’t get the proper treatment at the beginning because they are ashamed of what is going on. Add to the fact that we know that Nikita’s PTSD is more than just one event causing it… that is a tremendous about of shame to be feeling. This isn’t a setback. Unfortunately, this should have been expected,” Ellie explained as she looked at Nikita and moved closer. “In fact, it happening this soon may be a good thing.”
“Nothing like this is good,” Michael looked across at the doctor. “We are free…”
“Are you?” Ellie tilted her head to the side. She knew that she still had worries that this was going to end, that she would find herself back inside of Section, or somewhere worse. She couldn’t imagine how it felt for a former cold operative, let alone the woman who had been running Section.
Nikita jerked and opened her eyes while groaning because she was trying to sit up. Looking directly at Michael, she eased back down and rubbed at her eyes. “Michael…”
“I gave you a muscle relaxer, Kita,” Michael spoke as he knew that she felt a bit out of sorts. He looked at Ellie who was a bit surprised with how quickly Nikita was back up.
Nikita turned her head towards Ellie as she nodded it. “I can’t stop them, can I?”
Ellie felt a bit of relief right now. As long a Nikita was trying to stop the flashes, they were probably going to continue to get the best of her. “The medicine I gave you was supposed to help you for those times that you weren’t having them… but you fought having those flashes so much… I don’t have proof, but I’m sure that your previous calf cramps and now these back spasms… they are physical ailments because you are trying so hard not to remember things… trying hard not to re-experience emotions that you know that are going to hurt.”
Nikita leaned her head and blinked her eyes. “I’m tired.”
Ellie smiled and nodded her head. “I want you to go home… and sleep.”
Michael stood up and looked over at Nikita. “I took care of everything…. Nothing will be left in the house.”
Nikita squeezed Michael’s hand with regret that she was forcing him to do that but also squeezed with relief that he had taken that extreme reaction. “Michael…”
“Shh…” Michael whispered but it might as well have been an order. “It’s what is right for all of us.”
“Either way,” Ellie interjected as she looked over at Michael but saw that he wasn’t even looking at her. “I’m going to prescribe a sleeping medication for just today.”
Nikita parted her lips and licked them. “Not a pill.”
“I think right now I need to make sure that you get the sleep,” Ellie admitted as she reached out and touched Michael’s shoulder. “You need to let him direct things for a while. Until you get things sorted out.”
“While I’m not crazy,” Nikita retorted.
“You aren’t crazy,” Michael corrected quickly. “You are adjusting, Kita. It’s a rough adjustment and you had nothing to help anchor you for too long.”
Ellie couldn’t help but agree with that thought. It was right as Michael said it that Ellie realized how important that was. When Nikita had released her out of Section, Nikita had set her up with something to do. She was given a direction and a purpose. That had helped her adjust to the world outside. From talking to Walter, Davenport and Jason, she had set up similar situations for all of them. She had given them something to do and someone to be on the outside and she hadn’t given herself that when she was finally free.
“And when you are up… you need to talk,” Ellie stressed as she leaned against the bed. “This man is there for you and he can take anything you need to say.”
Michael nodded his head up and down. Nikita parted her lips. “Michael… sometimes…”
“Some missions had you hating me… misguiding me… manipulating me…” Michael nodded his head up and down. “I know. And I can hear it all over again. What I can’t handle is you not telling me about it again.”
Dr. Hlad stepped away from the bed and rolled her shoulder back. “I’m going to administer the first dose… You’ll be asleep when Michael gets you home. I’ll be stopping over tomorrow. I don’t usually do house calls… but you are an exception, Nikita.”
Nikita wanted to protest more medicine right that moment. But she looked at Michael and nodded her head. “I need to fix this.”
“We need to fix this,” Michael pressed a kiss to Nikita’s forehead, hoping that she could really know that she was not alone.
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