| Subject: Priority Mail 140 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Friday, January 21, 10:53:56pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 139+" on Friday, January 21, 06:23:12pm
Nikita walked down the sidewalk slowly and turned to see Michael walking with her stride by stride. She swallowed as she came to a crosswalk and she stopped although there were no cars coming in either direction and it was safe to cross. “I did this a lot.”
“When?” Michael questioned as he came over and wrapped his arm around Nikita’s shoulder. Nikita stood there and then over to Michael. “When I was a child when I didn’t want to go home… when I was no longer a recruit… when I got out of Section… and lot when I was a the convent… I would just walk…”
“Did it make you feel better?” Michael inquired as he nudged Nikita to start walking. He felt her shake her head from side to side. “Not really. But it was better than just sitting around and not doing something.”
“Plus you were free to go where you wanted too,” Michael offered as he kept the pace leisurely, which was his goal.
“We aren’t free to go anywhere. We are walking to Subway for Adam,” Nikita pointed out as she smiled at Michael. Michael nodded his head and pulled his arm away from Nikita, but held her hand instead. “But we are walking almost three miles to Subway. Obviously you knew we would talk some.”
“Ah,” Nikita played off the statement and she then heavily sighed as she nodded her head. “Yeah… I guess I did know that we would talk some. I wasn’t sure what about.”
“I’m going to leave that up to you,” Michael shook his head slightly as he watched as a car passed, wondering if he was going to find Walter following them at any point. He knew that Walter was going to be checking on them. That was just Walter.
Nikita walked for a while and squeezed Michael’s hand and cleared her throat. “Sometimes I feel that there is too much to talk about.”
“You have to start somewhere,” Michael pointed out and Nikita nodded her head and pressed her lips together. Michael waited as they got to another crosswalk and this time they waited for the light to change green before crossing. It was another half block and Michael smacked his lips together. “This might be the one thing that has changed about you that I haven’t gotten used too.”
Nikita turned her head and her eyes showed her confusion. Michael waited for her to ask but she didn’t. But her eyes did. Michael reached over with his other hand and rubbed her eyebrows gently. “You used to talk so much.”
Nikita half smirked but she turned her head away. Michael wanted a retort but he didn’t get one. He shook his head slightly. “Even Madeline had warned me that she thought it could make me despise you while training you. It did bother me a lot. I wasn’t used to a recruit who wanted to talk so much. I thought you were over-sharing information about yourself.”
“I wasn’t really sharing that much,” Nikita admitted as she looked down to the ground. “Especially at the start… I was a brat.”
“Because it bothered me,” Michael nodded his head as he smirked. “I tried to get you moved to another trainer often.”
“Really?” Nikita inquired and Michael looked to see Nikita looking at him. He nodded his head as he realized how ironic it was. “Madeline said that you were going to make me a better operative in the long run.”
Nikita could feel the irony in Michael’s commented but it didn’t make her smile that much at all. She walked and Michael exhale heavily. She knew that Michael wanted her to talk. “While I was pregnant I was afraid to talk about anything that wasn’t mission-based, Michael.”
“I can understand that,” Michael replied as he wasn’t sure he was expecting to talk about her pregnancy. He had hoped to talk about some of the PTSD flashes that she had been having, but this was a start. Nikita started this line of conversation and he wanted it to continue. “You didn’t trust yourself to talk about something else because you could slip.”
“And I really didn’t have time,” Nikita shook her head slightly as she looked up the sky and saw the trees that they were walking under. She saw the colors changing so quickly and she forced a deep breath out of her lungs. “I was tested often and hard right off the bat.”
Michael was the one now that found it hard to talk. He even dropped Nikita’s hand for a while as he nervously pushed his hair back. He turned and saw Nikita staring at him with concern. He had to tell her what he was thinking, especially since he was going to ask her to do the same. “That was the hardest part about leaving. I knew that it wouldn’t be easy for you and I worried about what types of missions you would have to orchestrate… what terrorist groups you would be challenging… and worrying if…”
“You wouldn’t have known any of the groups. Most of them were unknown to Section. Center knew but didn’t trust Section until they decided to test me,” Nikita gave Michael some information. She was the one that took Michael’s hand. “When did you first have a meatball sub?”
“The second week I had Adam,” Michael admitted with a smile. “He laughed when all the sauce came out of the bottom and all over my white shirt.”
Nikita glanced at Michael’s black shirt and then back to his face. He stroked her face. “I thought at the beginning he needed to see white and light things. He told me a year afterwards that he hated it.”
Nikita shook her head slightly and she could just see Adam telling Michael that exact thing. Nikita paused at the next crosswalk and turned to face Michael, her back to the street. She lifted her hand at the car that was passing and smiled broadly. “Walter.”
“Ah… Davenport passed us…”
“When we were talking about how I’m not talking as much as I used too,” Nikita finished and Michael nodded his head. He swept Nikita’s hair and dropped it as he rested his hands on Nikita’s shoulders. “I know that it is hard for you, Kita. I don’t want to force you.”
“You aren’t,” Nikita confirmed as she tilted her head to the side. “And I was going to tell you that I wouldn’t mind seeing you in off-white every once in a while. One of my favorites was that fisherman type sweater that you wore when you were with Elena…”
Michael tilted his head in the opposite directly and cracked a smile. “Elena hated it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” Michael nodded his head. “I bought that by myself. I couldn’t admit it back then… but I was thinking of you when I got it.”
“I liked it,” Nikita leaned forward and kissed Michael’s lips gently. She turned and took Michael’s hand to continue their walk. Nikita took some time and leaned her head on Michael’s shoulder as they continued their leisurely pace.
In the distance, Nikita was sure that she could see the start of the stores where Subway was. She felt her head throb slightly and she found the nerve. “I’m scared that the flashes are mixing so many types of memories together. I always thought that PTSD was supposed to be caused by one event.”
Michael took Nikita’s other hand as he nodded his head and pressed a kiss to Nikita’s head. “You have lived through so many things, Kita. Your mind has endured more things than it should have ever had to handle. You aren’t going to fit into the traditional symptoms.”
Nikita blinked her eyes and nodded her head slightly. “It doesn’t make it easier to not worry about.”
“It could be that Section made it worse… the brainwashing… the personality change… you know, the Gelman process…” Michael’s voice grew thick. He almost was tempted to stop and put Nikita again the wall that separated the sidewalk from someone’s yard and face her while talking about this. But he also got a sense that Nikita was only talking about this because they were walking.
“God,” Nikita’s voice thinly rasped as she shook her head slightly. “I don’t want to remember anything from that time, Michael. That wasn’t me.”
“I know,” Michael nodded his head. “But it was a lot like how you were in the convent, Kita.”
Nikita shivered and Michael rubbed her arms. “I’m sorry.”
“No,” Nikita firmly spoke as she separated slightly from Michael, but continued to hold his hand. “I need to hear it.”
“You need to start talking about it, Kita,” Michael reminded Nikita. She nodded her head. “A little bit at a time Michael. This isn’t going to happen in just one walk.”
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