| Subject: Priority Mail 146 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Tuesday, January 25, 11:19:04pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Priority Mail 139+" on Friday, January 21, 06:23:12pm
Michael walked out of the room, but he pulled at Nikita’s hand. “We can’t go for a walk, Kita.”
“I need a walk,” Nikita declared as she yanked at Michael’s hand and tried to pull towards the door. Michael held his weight strong and he forcefully pulled Nikita back. “No, Kita.”
Her eyes darkened and Nikita relaxed for a moment. Then she pulled hard. “I need to take a walk with you, Michael.”
“We need to find a way to talk about things without a walk,” Michael took a few steps forward and tried to pull Michael into his arms for a hug. But Nikita rolled to the side and slipped to the side. She placed her hands on her hips as she glared at Michael. “You know that right now this is what we do.”
“What we’ve had to do,” Michael pointed out and Nikita started to twitch as she shook her head in disbelief. “Michael!”
“Kita, we can talk without a walk,” Michael spoke as he tried to touch her cheek. But Nikita slapped his hand away. “You know that I find a way to talk while on those walks. I don’t understand why, but it works when we walk. And I need it.”
Michael shook his head sadly from side to side. “You have the strength to talk about the flashes without going for a walk. I’m going to be here just as if I’m walking right beside you.”
Nikita stomped her foot down as she shook her head from side to side. “You aren’t listening to me!”
“I am,” Michael replied back gently. “And maybe you should talk about what you were thinking about rather than talking about a walk.”
“Do you want to make me want to take medicine again? We know how well that worked!” Nikita shouted and it caused Walter to poke his head out from the kitchen where he was attending to the passed out Mick. Michael glanced at Walter and it told Walter to go back to paying attention to Mick.
“You aren’t going to take the medicine because you don’t need it,” Michael replied with a metered voice.
“And you know me so much better than I know myself!”
“Kita… just tell me what you were thinking about.”
“I will once we start the walk,” Nikita declared as she reached out and took Michael’s arm. Michael wrenched it away. “No.”
“No?”
“Exactly,” Michael nodded his head up and down. Nikita turned away and then she turned back. Then she circled again. Michael stood there and then Nikita turned away and didn’t turn back to look at him. “Kita, I’m right here…. Just as if we are walking.”
“It’s not that…”
“Come on, Kita. You have to talk about what you were thinking…”
“I can’t… I can’t do that like this,” Nikita hissed through clenched teeth. Michael tried to show her support by putting his hands on her shoulders, but she winced and stepped forward. “Stop it, Michael. Let’s go for the walk. That’s what I need.”
“Kita…”
“Why can’t you be there for me like that?” Nikita angrily hissed as he could sense that she was crying. Michael almost melted and gave in. But he had to find a way to get Nikita to talk to him like she needed to without needing the walk. Especially when it would open up the possibilities of her talking about things at night when they happened. There was still too much hiding that Nikita was doing.
“I am…” Michael attempted again to sooth Nikita. He placed his hands on her shoulders and suddenly there was a blur and Michael found himself slammed hard against the wall. “No, Michael. It can’t always be that you are there because you aren’t always there!”
Michael looked down the hallway to where Walter had poked his head back out to see what was going on. He also tapped on his watch to indicate that Adam would be home very shortly. “Kita… I’m here now.”
“But you weren’t there. You weren’t!” Nikita pushed at Michael’s back and she stepped away. Michael turned around and pressed himself against the wall. Her face was washed with tears and he reached out to dry them. “When, Kita? What are you talking about?”
Nikita turned her head and didn’t say a word. Michael pushed away from the wall and stalked Nikita until she was against the wall and he was surrounding her. “I’m here now, Kita. Tell me.”
Nikita closed her eyes and then pushed Michael angrily away with great force that caught Michael off guard. He actually hit the opposite wall very hard and he was stunned. Nikita was right against him with her arm around his neck. The front door opened and Adam gasped. “Dad?”
“It’s ok,” Michael looked at Adam and Walter stepped out into the hallway. “Sugar… I’ll take a walk with you…”
“You weren’t there, Michael. You weren’t there!” Nikita hissed as she glared into his face. Michael exhaled slowly as he could easily force Nikita off of his body but he did not see how that would do any good. There was something here that was really important to get out in the open and this may be the only chance he would get to get this information. “When, Kita?”
“You probably think that my first plan was always to send our daughter off to Mick to make her disappear into the vastness of the world… you probably think that was my plan from the beginning… but it had to be my plan… You weren’t there!” Nikita shouted as she glared at Michael. She tightened her arms against Michael’s neck. “You weren’t there!”
“I was out…” Michael whispered and Nikita pushed her body away from Michael as she shook her head. “You were to take a walk on a day that I could get away… You always took a walk… I was going to find you and tell you… to try to find a way to get her to you… BUT YOU WEREN’T THERE!”
Michael paled as he blinked his eyes. “Kita…”
“The one chance I had… to give her the family that she deserved… to give her to her father… and you weren’t there… “ Nikita shouted as she tossed her arms forward. “You went to the freaking mall instead!”
Michael closed his eyes and he felt the world shift on its axis. He tilted his head to the side. “Kita…”
“You and everyone - you ask the question - why did I do what I did… Mick is traumatized that I made him give her away… but I had no option… “ Nikita ranted as Michael could only focus on her. He didn’t see Adam leaning against the doorway and Walter rubbing his hands together. He didn’t even notice Mick leaning forward while rubbing his face. “I did my best to try to find a way to get in touch with you… so you could have some input… I watched you for weeks and the day was beautiful. There was no reason for you not to have taken that walk at one o’clock in the afternoon… But you didn’t take that walk on the one sliver of time that I could get away and take a risky chance…”
Michael felt his shoulders growing heavy with weight. Now he knew why Nikita wanted to take a walk. It was the walk that they never got to take. “Nikita…”
“NO!” Nikita leaned forward and slapped the wall beside Michael’s head. “I was all alone that day… all the hope that I had… vanished. I knew at one o’clock on that day that I was going to be the bitch of the mother who had to give her daughter the shittest way to start a life… without a family. I knew that every single moment of my life I would spend alone… that I would have her alone… You weren’t there, Michael! You weren’t there!”
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